How do you tell someone it will be OK?

[HoneyBLilly]

Over the past two years my little sister has lost many friends.

One of them committed suicide by running out in front of a car

One died in a drunk driving accident

One of her best friends was abducted and then returned a month later just this past winter.

Two months ago her friend got her into a car wreck and stopped talking to her.

Last month another one of her "best friends" told her that she was a "pathetic creature who had no friends and would die a lonely old hag." All because her "best friend's" friend told her that she ugly so she reacted and told him to "f*** off and get a life."

And just today one of her best friends was hit by a car after his friend pushed him lightly on his longboard. He's in critical condition.

And through all of this I've been there for her: she was teased when she was little for liking Harry Potter(she read the second book by herself when she was six), she was teased for being smarter than everyone, she was teased because after my dad died my mom began making only sugary food because she was depressed and my little sister became fat, she's 16, turning 17 on May 2, and she's never been kissed. On top of this all her body is making too much Prolactin, which is a hormone that produces lactation with pregnancy, it also causes bloating of the hands, feet, and abdominal area; there's why she can't lose weight.

I've advised her through all of this, but now the help seems to has run out and all I can say "It'll pass." And today she finally broke down and yelled at me.

I don't know what to do. I was fat in high school and stuff, but I wasn't ridiculed this bad. Sure a few cheerleaders here and there but still . . . I don't know what to do anymore. I'm her closest girl sibling, in relationship and age.

 

[Miss Chicken]

I don't know what you should tell her but it seems to me that she needs to have a better circle of friends. True friends would not act the way some of these friends act.

Maybe you could talk her into spending more time with you, and your friends, rather than her settling for a 'best friend' who tells her she is a pathetic creature who had no friends. Sometimes sisters are the best friends to have.

 

[Danoz]

Unfortunately, you can't assure her it will be okay. You can only really make assurances about things you can control-- so you can tell her that you'll be her friend and confidant through it all-- and you will support her to the best of your ability. It sounds like you've been doing that-- so just continue to be a positive, stable influence in her life and that's more uplifting to somebody in pain than you could ever know.

I second that she needs a better support network of "friends" in general. In her case I actually recommend church groups, even if she is not specifically religious-- can be a great place for community and positive friendships at that age.

 

[HoneyBLilly]

She's not friends with her anymore. She called me at 2 in the morning just to cry. This girl had a bed for her that was in my sister's room, that's how close they were.

I have her over here all of the time. She came over after walking down the street and around the corner to Walmart at 4 am and then proceeded to walk to my house after she bought HP7 part 1 just so she could cry about how her childhood is basically coming to a close like the series. She was five when she was brought into it and she'll be 17 when it's finished. She skipped school and stayed on the couch with her head in my lap and my son on her chest.

As for my friends, they're all ten years older than her. As am I. But she does hangout with us when ever they come over and she's at her house.

 

[Myasishchev]

Wait, is the best friend who's a bitch the same best friend who was abducted for a month and just got back like four months ago?

I ask because you guys all might be being a little too summary with the kidnap victim. But it isn't clear, and if not, well, yeah, fuck her.

Anyway, I don't know what to tell you, but I'll give a few thoughts.

I'm always suspect of claims that hormonal imbalances are absolute impediments to weight loss. I mean, conservation of mass comes into play at some point, right? Serious question.

Though I recognize it must be substantially more difficult to try, I personally feel better when I'm thinner. I'm not judging here; I'm just saying that whatever the difficulties, it would frankly probably be easier than trying to reconcile her to her current body.

I'm also not certain saying stuff like "it gets better" is really good long-term planning. What if it doesn't, which it very possibly won't? Then she'll feel betrayed. It's probably best to deal in concrete and achievable steps.

Anyway, sorry to be depressing, and sorry about your sis.

 

[HoneyBLilly]

Oops, changed that to make it more clearer.

They were different people. The kidnap one she still talks to. The other one not so much.

And as for weight. She eats six light small meals a day like they say, from the time she was 13 she has ate very little, and exercises for an hour a day. She hasn't lost a pound. She went bulimic for a while, until I may have slapped her a few times and she lost no weight, duh!

Her body has just turned on her. Plus her and I both have slow metabolism.

She refused to go to her Junior Prom because the one guy she thought would at least be a pity date for her didn't even want to go with her because it would have made him look bad. I've seen her stand in the mirror for hours on end just whispering to herself but she never looks happy.

I've tried to tell her that's she's beautiful but she just shakes her head and says that she's not. Neither of us are tall like our older sisters or mom, we didn't get the best selection from the gene pool. I was able to lose the weight and in the year she's worked her heart out and no such luck.

The only thing that she says she has going for her is that she has my eyes, which are the brightest green I've ever seen in anyone, ever.

 

[Miss Chicken]

From what I gathered from reading the post, the girl who was abducted and the bitchy girl are not the same person.

 

[the skullcowboy]

It breaks my heart to hear stuff like this, first and foremost she needs to really have it driven home to her that all the things that happened to her friends were not her fault in any way shape or form. she should be reassured that she is young and her body will change though being a bit overweight does not make her any less of a good person and someone who is truly special will see her for her goodness and not simply her looks, being picked on and bullied for these reasons by petty jealous people is mindless and she should find her way to hold her head up and be proud of who she is NO MATTER WHAT OTHERS SAY

now I do have a bit of exp in this matter, in JHS I was 4ft 8in tall and weighed 235lbs, not popular by any means and BEYOND picked on, girls using me because I was smart and guys beating me up because they felt i was " weak " I only had 2 real friends but mostly felt as though I was alone,unloved,useless...all the things you mentioned your sister is going through, If I could tell you to tell her anything it's that she is not alone and she is NOT any of those things. I recently was contacted by a former JHS classmate on FB who could not believe it was the same person she went to school with, her comment was " omg I should have been nicer to you, you're gorgeous now! " now I don't think I am a great looking guy in the least but that comment really showed me that people who are shallow then would be just as shallow now. Let your sister know that, encourage her to try and befriend people who are like her and share her interests... as for her still not being kissed....tell her to give it a little more time, when the person who is meant to be her first kiss comes along...it will be that much more special....

I hope some of this makes sense? Best wishes to you and her!

 

[Myasishchev]

Oops, changed that to make it more clearer.

They were different people. The kidnap one she still talks to. The other one not so much.

From what I gathered from reading the post, the girl who was abducted and the bitchy girl are not the same person.

I figured as much, but I wanted to be clear. It certainly would explain why someone would wheel into bitch mode like that. Then again, being a teenager is probably causation enough.

And as for weight. She eats six light small meals a day like they say, from the time she was 13 she has ate very little, and exercises for an hour a day. She hasn't lost a pound. She went bulimic for a while, until I may have slapped her a few times and she lost no weight, duh!

Her body has just turned on her. Plus her and I both have slow metabolism.

Well, my point is that if caloric intake is less than caloric expense, she will. She would have to. It's physical law. It's ape law. It's Bob Loblaw. She doesn't photosynthesize. A doctor may be willing to prescribe some medication that would suppress appetite. On the other hand, I am not a doctor, and am on the razor's edge of talking out of my ass (which sounds either dangerous or fetishistic, depending on interpretation). Try to think of it as a brainstorming session.

I think I'm beyond reproach when I say it was a good call on the bulimia, however. While ordinarily technically effective, it has a host of associated health and psychological issues. You lose all that extra weight in your teeth.

Beyond medication, maybe surgical options are available. You say she didn't lose a pound, but did she gain any while she was undergoing the exercise regime? She might be able to keep a level weight with a little help.

For a somewhat spurious-sounding but well-grounded idea, have her focus more on her studies and thought problems in general. Does she like math? You'd be amazed how much energy the central nervous system requires without you even knowing it. It's why I only gained ten (or twelve ) pounds when I stopped being on my feet all day at a manual labor job and went to law school, instead of something more ridiculous like fifty, despite frankly embarrassing eating habits.

 

[HoneyBLilly]

From what I gathered from reading the post, the girl who was abducted and the bitchy girl are not the same person.

Nope. Abduction girl was just over at my house.

Bitch ran away for twe weeks and called the cops on her mom because her mom broke into her Facebook. She's currently in Juvenile Hall.

It breaks my heart to hear stuff like this, first and foremost she needs to really have it driven home to her that all the things that happened to her friends were not her fault in any way shape or form. she should be reassured that she is young and her body will change though being a bit overweight does not make her any less of a good person and someone who is truly special will see her for her goodness and not simply her looks, being picked on and bullied for these reasons by petty jealous people is mindless and she should find her way to hold her head up and be proud of who she is NO MATTER WHAT OTHERS SAY

That's what I've told her. She just pulls the whole it was a different generation for you crap.

Which is true. I may have been overweight and a "geek" but I still had a handful of friends and guys who thought I was hot, that was nine years ago.

now I do have a bit of exp in this matter, in JHS I was 4ft 8in tall and weighed 235lbs, not popular by any means and BEYOND picked on, girls using me because I was smart and guys beating me up because they felt i was " weak " I only had 2 real friends but mostly felt as though I was alone,unloved,useless...all the things you mentioned your sister is going through, If I could tell you to tell her anything it's that she is not alone and she is NOT any of those things. I recently was contacted by a former JHS classmate on FB who could not believe it was the same person she went to school with, her comment was " omg I should have been nicer to you, you're gorgeous now! " now I don't think I am a great looking guy in the least but that comment really showed me that people who are shallow then would be just as shallow now. Let your sister know that, encourage her to try and befriend people who are like her and share her interests...

I get how you feel too. Her and I are both 5'2" she weighs 216 right now though, I only weighed 176.

As for other friends. All of the popular kids have made it to she's not allowed to make friends. It was these four guys in school who just ripped into her about the Harry Potter, smarts, and then weight thing.

I've gone to her school and observed, I used to be a newsreporter, and I see how they treat her.

Also part of the problem is she's been hurt so much that she has this wall up and she gives an aura of ice cold. She protects herself so much that it does make people uncomfortable. Also she's really quiet.

As for you, I'm glad you were able to show them.

as for her still not being kissed....tell her to give it a little more time, when the person who is meant to be her first kiss comes along...it will be that much more special....

I hope some of this makes sense? Best wishes to you and her!

I've told her that. She's just stubborn. Maintains the fact that I was desirable makes it hard for me to understand.

Love her to death, but there are times I do want to strangle her.

 

[HoneyBLilly]

And as for weight. She eats six light small meals a day like they say, from the time she was 13 she has ate very little, and exercises for an hour a day. She hasn't lost a pound. She went bulimic for a while, until I may have slapped her a few times and she lost no weight, duh!

Her body has just turned on her. Plus her and I both have slow metabolism.

Well, my point is that if caloric intake is less than caloric expense, she will. She would have to. It's physical law. It's ape law. It's Bob Loblaw. She doesn't photosynthesize. A doctor may be willing to prescribe some medication that would suppress appetite.

Good call on the bulimia, though. While ordinarily technically effective, it has a host of associated health and psychological issues.

Further, maybe surgical options are available. You say she didn't lose a pound, but did she gain any while she was undergoing the exercise regime? She might be able to keep a level weight with a little help.

For a somewhat spurious-sounding but well-grounded idea, have her focus more on her studies and thought problems in general. Does she like math? You'd be amazed how much energy the central nervous system requires without you even knowing it. It's why I only gained ten (or twelve ) pounds when I stopped being on my feet all day at a manual labor job and went to law school, instead of something more ridiculous like fifty.

Ok. Clarification on my end: she weighs 216 right now, the lowest she's gotten it in the past year is 208. And then she'll gain it right back.

Maintaining weight: she's kept to between 208-221.

She was put in birth control to

Spoiler: Men may not want to read, but they can

regulate her periods since that is a side-effect of the Prolactin, since she's started she's had her periods three-five times a year

and it caused her to get to 221 the highest she's ever been.

As for other stuff Medi-Cal doesn't cover a lot, those were the only pills that they would cover. And if I could have her on mine and my husband's health care I would. If I could get my husband to make out a prescription for me for diet pills for her I would, but he could lose his medical license, and I'm pregnant and our insurance knows that.

Surgery. She's 16 and Medi-Cal wouldn't cover it for her.

Math. Nooooo. She runs from math like the plague. She's much more into writing, English, Ancient and World history, and biology.

EDIT: And caloric intake is less. She watches everything. Calories, carbs, sugars, fats, not a single thing goes unnoticed.

She's even given up soda, hasn't had any in over six months .

 

[Myasishchev]

her comment was " omg I should have been nicer to you, you're gorgeous now! "

Not to go off on a tangent here, but this is most cuntish thing I've read in a week. And in this thread, that's saying something. It's so thoroughly cuntish because it's supposed to be a compliment, but really look at it. It's the horrible, horrible noise made by a horrible, horrible person. Stay away from this woman or make sure to wear a crucifix.

And, yes, the c-word is appropriate in its context. This is that context.

as for her still not being kissed....tell her to give it a little more time, when the person who is meant to be her first kiss comes along...it will be that much more special....

Is this true for girls? Any human being? I don't think this is true for human beings.

I speak from my experience. A lack of physical intimacy in adolescence is about as scarring as actual recognized bullying. At least when someone hits you, you know whom to blame. It's obvious; the person the fist is attached to.

When you're alone, the only face you can put to your loneliness is your own.

You start weird and when no one likes you, you get weirder. It's a vicious cycle and hard to break even a decade later. If you're lucky, you get callous and turn into pickup artist; if you're not, you get broken down and afraid of the gauntlet of "no," "let's just be friends," and "I've got Mace" that's an inevitable part of the scene.

I get how you feel too. Her and I are both 5'2" she weighs 216 right now though, I only weighed 176.

In fairness to her, she's not wrong about that being a significant difference.

 

[Myasishchev]

And as for weight. She eats six light small meals a day like they say, from the time she was 13 she has ate very little, and exercises for an hour a day. She hasn't lost a pound. She went bulimic for a while, until I may have slapped her a few times and she lost no weight, duh!

Her body has just turned on her. Plus her and I both have slow metabolism.

Well, my point is that if caloric intake is less than caloric expense, she will. She would have to. It's physical law. It's ape law. It's Bob Loblaw. She doesn't photosynthesize. A doctor may be willing to prescribe some medication that would suppress appetite.

Good call on the bulimia, though. While ordinarily technically effective, it has a host of associated health and psychological issues.

Further, maybe surgical options are available. You say she didn't lose a pound, but did she gain any while she was undergoing the exercise regime? She might be able to keep a level weight with a little help.

For a somewhat spurious-sounding but well-grounded idea, have her focus more on her studies and thought problems in general. Does she like math? You'd be amazed how much energy the central nervous system requires without you even knowing it. It's why I only gained ten (or twelve ) pounds when I stopped being on my feet all day at a manual labor job and went to law school, instead of something more ridiculous like fifty.

Ok. Clarification on my end: she weighs 216 right now, the lowest she's gotten it in the past year is 208. And then she'll gain it right back.

Maintaining weight: she's kept to between 208-221.

She was put in birth control to

Spoiler: Men may not want to read, but they can

regulate her periods since that is a side-effect of the Prolactin, since she's started she's had her periods three-five times a year

and it caused her to get to 221 the highest she's ever been.

Yeah, oligmenorrhea is part and parcel evidently. Is it improper to assume that the necessity for "regulation"

Spoiler: for wieners who don't like alluvial deposits in their Nile Delta

is from occasional mennorhagia? I'm not sure what the net benefit is unless it's to prevent John Carpenter-worthy episodes. Only say so as my ex-girlfriend had irregular periods, but that alone wasn't a concern (although I suspected the root cause was also a partial reason for her low libido. Also her not loving me anymore).

But, in any event that sucks.

As for other stuff Medi-Cal doesn't cover a lot, those were the only pills that they would cover. And if I could have her on mine and my husband's health care I would. If I could get my husband to make out a prescription for me for diet pills for her I would, but he could lose his medical license, and I'm pregnant and our insurance knows that.

I thought insurance might be part of the issue. Get divorced and have your husband (a doctor ) and marry her. This is foolproof.

Surgery. She's 16 and Medi-Cal wouldn't cover it for her.

Ah.

Math. Nooooo. She runs from math like the plague. She's much more into writing, English, Ancient and World history, and biology.

Need math for biology. But just anything that requires brainwork is actually pretty good exercise, from a calorie-burning standpoint (also, smart people make more money, so there's that ).

 

[RJDiogenes]

After going through all those traumas listed, a person really needs some counseling. You might also want to suggest that she join an online community like TrekBBS; that will give her lots of people to talk to, which is likely to make her feel better.

 

[HoneyBLilly]

That is a horrible plan. My husband's twenty-five years older thn her! He's fourteen and a half years older than me.

Yes, he's a doctor. He specializes in cardiology, but in this small town he only does that when necessary and works in the ER most of the time.

I'd love to get her on my plan but I have no clue how that could affect my mom and her financials.

 

[Myasishchev]

That is a horrible plan. My husband's twenty-five years older thn her! He's fourteen and a half years older than me.

You've just gotta make sure the Ropers don't find out Jack's not gay.

 

[HoneyBLilly]

After going through all those traumas listed, a person really needs some counseling. You might also want to suggest that she join an online community like TrekBBS; that will give her lots of people to talk to, which is likely to make her feel better.

That's a subtle marketing ploy.

She went to counseling. But it's been awhile. And when she went it was because in fifth grade her class, and every fifth grade class for as long as I can remember, went to the Whiskeytown Enviromental School for a week. Well . . . Second day there she was the person who saw a dead body in a river. She had nightmares for months after.

And I'm sure if I asked she could still tell me what he looked like.

But she is thinking about joining. I forced her to watch Voyager first since it was the one I watched from beginning to end and now she's on TNG and begging my husband to let her take DS9 since she only has two seasons left.

Oh and since I'm bribing her into going to Las Vegas Con for me she's been considering it even more.

 

[Deranged Nasat]

But she is thinking about joining. I forced her to watch Voyager first since it was the one I watched from beginning to end and now she's on TNG and begging my husband to let her take DS9 since she only has two seasons left.

Oh and since I'm bribing her into going to Las Vegas Con for me she's been considering it even more.

Well, if she does join us, I look forward to "meeting" her. We all know from our own experience how supportive this place is.

 

[Myasishchev]

She went to counseling. But it's been awhile. And when she went it was because in fifth grade her class, and every fifth grade class for as long as I can remember, went to the Whiskeytown Enviromental School for a week. Well . . . Second day there she was the person who saw a dead body in a river. She had nightmares for months after.

Jesus Christ, are you sure this person is your sister, and not actually a full run of The Amazing Spider-Man? I want to give the poor dear a hug, or a sports car, or something.

 

[HoneyBLilly]

She went to counseling. But it's been awhile. And when she went it was because in fifth grade her class, and every fifth grade class for as long as I can remember, went to the Whiskeytown Enviromental School for a week. Well . . . Second day there she was the person who saw a dead body in a river. She had nightmares for months after.

Jesus Christ, are you sure this is your sister, and not actually Spider-Man?

Between her and I we could have a reality show that's not scripted at all and people would still think it was fake.

We attract really bad luck. Her more so than me.

But she is thinking about joining.

Well, it's no bones to me, as she sounds pretty cool, but this thread might be potentially embarrassing to her.

Shhh . . . She'll never know. She'll probably stick to the Star Trek forums for a few months and LV Con isn't until August so I doubt she'll join for a few months. She won't know.

EDIT: She'll take the sports car. Our mom stole her car, which is a crappy '81 Dodge that goes about 20 mph, while hers is in the shop.