How do you ask for coffee?

[Mr. Laser Beam]

In any other Starbucks: "Triple venti mocha, no whip"

God Almighty, as much as I hate Starbucks for roasting its beans to being beyond burnt, I hate them even more for this size and nomenclature bullshit. When I go to one of my local coffee roasters (especially Ancora or Michelangelo's, in downtown Madison -- ), I walk up to the counter and ask for a regular coffee -- I fill it myself from one of their dispensers with my preferred blend. Or "a small vanilla cappuccino." None of that "quad grande no-whip mocha macchiato" lingo shit. What the hell is wrong with saying, "Can you give me a medium cappuccino with a triple shot of vanilla?"

Just give me a goddamned cup of coffee. It's fucking coffee, don't make it out to be some sort of high art.

This!

Hey, don't look at me, I don't like having to talk like that either. Believe me, I'm just as pissed as you all are about Starbucksian language. I would love to be able to use regular words like small/medium/large. Hell, I'd use pictures if I thought it would help...

I also hate Scooter's coffee. But unfortunately my local airport has a contract with them so if I want a coffee when I fly, I have to suck it up.

 

[Amaris]

Our Starbucks is inside a Kroger, and their coffee is pretty good. I remember the first time I tried it I liked it. It was some kind of cinnamon vanilla coffee, and it was quite good. I just order from the menu, so I don't know any of the lingo, and I never get into the $4 range of coffee choices. I prefer black coffee straight up, but once in a while, a treat is nice.

Our local donut shop (which I miss *sigh*) had some of the best donuts you'd ever eat in your life. What was just as good was their coffee, which they gave for free with any purchase, so on a cold morning, on the way to work, I would get a glazed donut or cinnamon cruller, and a cup of hot, black coffee. Mmmm....

 

[TEACAKE'S PLEATHER DOME]

I'm thinking the foulness of Starbucks is not as noticeable if you have a bunch of syrups and flavors in it. I don't like any sugar so there's nothing to cut the over roasted taste.

 

[Timby]

When I go to one of my local coffee roasters (especially Ancora or Michelangelo's, in downtown Madison -- ),

When the blue-eyed brunette with the really ginormous breasts at Michelangelo's asks me, "What'll ya have, hun?" I have all I can do to keep from drooling and saying, "Coffee... and you."

If you haven't read it, it sounds like you might enjoy this book:

Coffee, Tea or Me?

Why didn't you say it? You may have gotten a good response

Quiet. Maestro is married and has a daughter, he's just a serial joker.

Does anyone really remember their made-up names though? I only go in occasionally, as they're pretty much my coffee shop of 3rd or 4th resort, but I know I can never remember what they call things. I - like most of the people in the queue with me it seems - just ask for what we want in normal coffee language, before the assistant translates that into Starbucks-speak. A procedure followed by the customer nodding, often with a comment like "yeah, that's the one". Bizarrely, this seems to apply even to those ordering very specific drinks that I'm not even sure other coffee shops would make...

There are more than a few Starbucks locations that I've been to which actually have the baristas (God, I hate that word) force the customer to use that fucking awful nomenclature to order the drink. I'm not kidding when I say I've been told, "Sir, we have tall, grande and venti," and I've asked for a medium, and then been told, "Sir, we don't have medium. Would you like a Tall? Or perhaps a Grande?"

This is why I never go into Starbucks unless I'm in an airport and there's no other option available to me. Fuck that burnt noise. It's almost as bad as Best Buy trying to sell you $100 OMG GOLD-PLATED SHIELDED HDMI cables when you can get the same stuff for $5 on Monoprice.

 

[Alidar Jarok]

The person taking the order isn't the barista, if I'm not mistaken. It should be the person who makes the coffee.

If someone tried to make me say "grande," I'd consider walking out. I've never had that problem, though.

I'm always reminded of this, though:
[yt]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wic5Mf06SJ0[/yt]

 

[Bisz]

If someone tried to make me say "grande," I'd consider walking out. I've never had that problem, though.

That doesn't java with your signature!

When on Romulus, Do as the Romulans

I used to be stubborn at Starbucks and order mediums, but then I just relented. The world is a much happier place now that I decided the Starbucks drink size nomenclature is not one of the battles I choose to fight.

 

[Amaris]

I'm thinking the foulness of Starbucks is not as noticeable if you have a bunch of syrups and flavors in it. I don't like any sugar so there's nothing to cut the over roasted taste.

Our Starbucks' black coffee is pretty good, too. I can't really consume much sugar, so it's rare that I have any syrup or anything added. The cinnamon/vanilla thing was their winter special, and it was the same price as the regular coffee so I figured to give it a try.

The only place around here that has served me burnt coffee was a White Castle. The best coffee around here is served in a Waffle House up by the Interstate, next to the old Putt Putt Golf course. Drink bottomless cups with a nice Texas cheese steak sandwich and hash browns.

Now I'm getting really hungry.

 

[iguana_tonante]

In Italian, I'll usually say "Mi fa un caffé, per favore?" (or simply "Un caffé, per favore.") which would translate as "Could you make me a coffee, please?" (short version, "A coffee, please"). In Italy, it means a espresso in a small cup. No milk or flavours for me, just a hint of sugar (but a really good coffee would need no sugar at all).

You don't see many Starbucks in Italy either...and the ones you do see? All of them are in tourist sections and are frequented by American tourists. The same American tourists, I suspect, who eat at McDonalds in Italy.

Actually, I think there are no Starbucks in Italy. I keep hearing about it coming to Rome or Milan to cater to tourists, but I never saw one. This might be why.

All this Starbucks "lingo" is hilarious to me: they took perfectly normal Italian words ("grande" is simply Italian for "big", "latte" just means "milk", a "barista" is your common "barman" etc.) and tried to pass them as fancy stuff. Lulz.

 

[Timby]

All this Starbucks "lingo" is hilarious to me: they took perfectly normal Italian words ("grande" is simply Italian for "big", "latte" just means "milk", a "barista" is your common "barman" etc.) and tried to pass them as fancy stuff. Lulz.

It's spreading. Quite a few resorts and restaurant chains in the U.S. (plus schools) have dropped the "bartender" term and instead refer to the person making your drink as a "professional mixologist." Some places are even offering certifications in "mixology."

 

[Qlumbo]

Some places are even offering certifications in "mixology."

"Mixology". A word that ranks right up there with Voyager's "interferometric" pulse.

In other words, "we stopped trying".

 

[iguana_tonante]

Well, I do have a degree in sadofuturistics, megaphysics, and scatalography.

 

[Danoz]

I would say:

一つコーヒーお願いします。
hitotsu couhii onegaishimasu.
(one coffee please.)

 

[Gaseous Anomaly]

I just ask my wife if she'd get me some coffee.

 

[Shaytan]

Actually, I think there are no Starbucks in Italy. I keep hearing about it coming to Rome or Milan to cater to tourists, but I never saw one. This might be why.

Understandable. Starbuck isn't as successful as they expected over here too. Takeaway coffee is just not in our culture. Walking while drinking coffee is just absurd (silly Americans have no sense of pleasure at all ).

 

[Canadave]

"latte" just means "milk"

Much as I hate Starbucks speak, this is pretty common to all coffee shops here. There's no real need to say the full "caffè latte," so almost everywhere you go, it's just shortened to latte since there's no other meaning.

 

[iguana_tonante]

Takeaway coffee is just not in our culture. Walking while drinking coffee is just absurd (silly Americans have no sense of pleasure at all ).

If people took more time to enjoy eating, drinking, and fucking, the world would be a better place.

There's no real need to say the full "caffè latte," so almost everywhere you go, it's just shortened to latte since there's no other meaning.

But my question is: why don't call it just "milk with coffee"? (Not that we Italians are above linguistic xenophilia, of course: we even invented foreign-sounding words to give them an air of affected exoticism! )

 

[Canadave]

^ Probably because that would be easily confused with a regular filter coffee with milk added in, though that's usually ordered as a "coffee with milk." Still, close enough that you need the distinction with lattes.

 

[Holdfast]

Does anyone really remember their made-up names though? I only go in occasionally, as they're pretty much my coffee shop of 3rd or 4th resort, but I know I can never remember what they call things. I - like most of the people in the queue with me it seems - just ask for what we want in normal coffee language, before the assistant translates that into Starbucks-speak. A procedure followed by the customer nodding, often with a comment like "yeah, that's the one". Bizarrely, this seems to apply even to those ordering very specific drinks that I'm not even sure other coffee shops would make...

There are more than a few Starbucks locations that I've been to which actually have the baristas (God, I hate that word) force the customer to use that fucking awful nomenclature to order the drink. I'm not kidding when I say I've been told, "Sir, we have tall, grande and venti," and I've asked for a medium, and then been told, "Sir, we don't have medium. Would you like a Tall? Or perhaps a Grande?"

That's just ridiculous.

I have better things to do with my memory than try to remember what they decide to name things. I honestly can never remember which size is which and they have some weird names for other things too. I suppose if I went there often, I'd learn, but as it is... Anyway, the one I'm thinking of in my anecdote is at least more considerate to those of us who don't speak Starbucks than some of the ones you've been to.

 

[JiNX-01]

I don't.

 

[Amaris]

Actually, I think there are no Starbucks in Italy. I keep hearing about it coming to Rome or Milan to cater to tourists, but I never saw one. This might be why.

Understandable. Starbuck isn't as successful as they expected over here too. Takeaway coffee is just not in our culture. Walking while drinking coffee is just absurd (silly Americans have no sense of pleasure at all ).

That's because in our culture the motto is, essentially, "to relax and enjoy life isn't for you, oh worker drone, now get back to work".