HoneyDoo list is pissing me off!!!
- Thread starter Stiletto
- Start date
Sounds like the legendary Garage Fire Incident which is why my dad has never asked *himself* to cook turkeys in a fryer ever again. (Kind of a shame, really, since we know what we did wrong - too much oil - and turkeys cooked in a fryer taste wicked good...)
We had a manager at work get burnt pretty good with a turkey fryer accident (too bad, he was actually one of the nice ones), so I know what you mean.
So set the Way-Back Machine for 1990. I am a newlywed and not quite 24. Don't know jack about cars (then). The new Mrs. SicOne says her oil light is on, and would you please check it for me, honey? I did know how to check oil, with the dipstick, and where any added oil goes.
What I did NOT know was how much should go in there. I'm sure the owner's manual would have told me, saving me a lot of hassle later, but by God I'm a MAN and men don't NEED manuals! Right?
Sure 'nuff, her dipstick was a tad low. I go into the garage and get the two quart bottles of motor oil I kept on hand for just this situation. I pour the first one in, then remeasure. Still a bit low. Hmmm. I pour the second quart in, running me out of oil. Remeasure. Still low. I reopen the crankcase, peer in with the flashlight. I don't see the level of oil in there.
I call across the yard to my neighbor, John, just coming out of his garage to grab his mail before he heads off to work. He says he has some oil in the garage, help myself, and close the garage door when I'm done. Off he goes. I go into his garage, find seven one-quart bottles of motor oil left over from a 12-bottle case he had purchased. I haul it over to the missus's car, dutifully closing his garage door behind me.
And I begin pouring them in the crankcase, one after the other, checking after each bottle with the flashlight, not seeing any oil level rise.
I figure OK, a little weird, but surely, surely the oil is just following the flow of gravity down into the engine, going where it needs to go. The only reason I stopped at nine quarts, the two I had plus the seven borrowed from my good neighbor, was because at that point I was out of oil.
Welp, off to my neighborhood Target to get more oil, then. Hope the car makes it that far on low oil. I figure I can buy more for the car, fill it up in the parking lot, then have some left over to pay John back for the loaner. I sit in her car, move the seat back (criminy, why does she have it up so far? I'm sitting ON the frickin' steering wheel!)...and fire 'er up.
Now, bear in mind, gentle readers, that while I was conducting this business, Mrs. SicOne was in the house with our little princess, giving her a bath, and not monitoring my actions, so though SHE knew that her car only held 4.5 quarts of oil, she did NOT know that I did not know that information, and thus could not have helped me from what was about to happen.
The car did start up, though. And the black cloud that resulted eclipsed the sun. The car immediately shuddered to a stop. That's when I realized I may have made an error. I thought to myself, "Self, you do have a chance to correct the situation without her knowing what you did, and giving you grief about it later." A most astute observation for a newlywed, I thought. I called my buddy Brian, who worked at an auto repair shop at the top of the hill overlooking our subdivision. Told Brian I put too much oil in the wife's car, and can I drive it up to him for him to take a peek and tell me how to fix the situation? Brian did NOT ask me how much was too much oil. And I foolishly assumed that when he told me to come on over that I was trusting that the trip wouldn't damage the car.
So I fired her car up again, got it to keep running, and began my journey through our subdivision to the main road, and thence lurching up the hill to Brian's shop. Mrs. SicOne was none the wiser (at that point in time), still washing the little one.
When I got to the shop, I found the whole staff outside, watching me and having followed my progress through the subdivision from the Black Cloud Of Death that I had left on my way. At first, I was a little miffed when I saw money exchange hands from one of the mechanics to Brian, who had obviously won a bet on who it was who was causing that cloud. But then again, since he knew my pathetic knowledge of cars, it was a good bet for him.
Up went the hood and around gathered the boys, and up on the lift also went the car after awhile. To make a long story short(er), they did fix it, to the point where I was able to get it home, and I had to come clean to the missus about her beloved first car, but it never quite ran completely right afterwards, and we ultimately traded it in a few weeks later on a nice newer car for her.
And to this day she has never asked me to check the oil.
It just seems like something that society makes males have to meekly accept.
Try using this line on your wife and report back how many days you wind up spending in the doghouse.
I've tried this a few times. Not really on purpose, just from me rushing to get it done. It always results in me having to do it over again. Failure is not an option.
Don't tell me you get marked on it too ~ 'C' for effort, 'D' for attainment. Must do better. Have you tried the
'Show me how it's done then'
'Oh you're much better than me, you better do it in the future I'd hate to let you down'
Clearly you're bitter about the stuff she wants you to do, but it sounds like you haven't even tried talking to her about it. Either your wife is a horrible shrew or the two of you don't know how to communicate.
You need a marriage counselor.
OK OK I guess I was a little too vehement on my description of my hatred of my HoneyDo List, but I see very few of you extending sympathy. I'm telling you that this is a fact of life, really. Maybe this is one of those single/married person differences that people don't know about until they do get married? I charge you to ask around your married friends and see what their view of the HoneyDo List is. I bet you that most of them have one. Sure, in the real world, division of household chores/tasks should be more even, but doubt that it is the case.
I'm not married but I live with my boyfriend of 4 years and we do a pretty good job of splitting the chores evenly. We are both bordering on OCD when it comes to some things, like the way the cups have to be placed in the cupboard, the very specific way the beds have to be made, the direction items must face on the counter...so we both have the "if you want something done right, do it yourself" attitude, luckily about opposite things. So it works out nicely.
We both work and go to school, I actually have two jobs, and some chores we just do whenever either of us has time, which is rare so we must take advantage of it when we do.
We both work and go to school, I actually have two jobs, and some chores we just do whenever either of us has time, which is rare so we must take advantage of it when we do.
You didn't seem to me to be looking for sympathy, only suggestions/solutions. Even so, the adult thing is to discuss it and clear the air. Having an adult relationship is hard; it's much easier to complain. But the rewards of making the effort are great and you don't have resentment making your soul all icky.
Jan
I'm married and I just wouldn't accept a list that takes away all my free time. Obviously there are jobs I need to do around the house but my free time is very important.
If I'm not getting my free time then things are quickly changed so that I'm able to enjoy it again.
If I'm not getting my free time then things are quickly changed so that I'm able to enjoy it again.
Sorry, hon, you're not getting any sympathy from this married woman, yet. Have you talked to her about your desire for some time to pursue your leisure activities? Not argued with her -- talked with her. Does she work outside the home? Even if she does not work outside the home, running a home takes time. What does she do? How much time does she have for leisure activities?
I stay home. Because of that, I do most of the work needed to raise the kids and run the house. But there are a few things that I expect my husband to do, most of them related to yard work. It's the compromise that has evolved over the years. Should I ever return to the workforce, we would have to restructure and more evenly divide the tasks needed to raise the kids and run the house.
I stay home. Because of that, I do most of the work needed to raise the kids and run the house. But there are a few things that I expect my husband to do, most of them related to yard work. It's the compromise that has evolved over the years. Should I ever return to the workforce, we would have to restructure and more evenly divide the tasks needed to raise the kids and run the house.
No it's not, really.
I've been married for 14 years and I have never had the problem that you have had. Obviously stuff needs to get done around the house, but my wife and I decide together who will do what. We have a dry erase board in the kitchen where we list these things. I have tasks, my wife has tasks, and my son has tasks. It's not that difficult.
I still recommend marriage counseling. Clearly you don't know how to communicate with your wife.
I can really only speak for my parents. I'm not married and have no married friends. But when I was growing up, there was no such thing as a "honeydo list." In fact, I've never even heard of such a thing until reading this thread.
My parents shared housework equally, and my siblings and I did it too once we got old enough. I was doing my own laundry when I was 10. I was mowing the lawn when I was in middle school.
My dad would occasionally leave lists in the morning when he left for work, but they were nothing more complicated than:
RoJoHen, empty the dishwasher.
RoJoHen's Brother, vacuum the living room.
RoJoHen's Sister, change the cat's litter box.
My mom never made lists for my dad, and he never made lists for her. In fact, the only household chore that my dad does that my mom doesn't do is mow the lawn, and that's because he enjoys doing it.
Currently, my mom is redoing the upstairs bathroom. She ripped up the old floor, took down the old wallpaper, and is the process of putting in all new stuff. It was a project she decided to do on her own. My dad isn't even really involved except to say, "You need any help?" or "Oh, that new tile looks nice."
I guess I'm just not seeing the issue. If things need to get done, they should just get done. I've never lived in a world where one needed a to-do list in order to accomplish these things.
My parents shared housework equally, and my siblings and I did it too once we got old enough. I was doing my own laundry when I was 10. I was mowing the lawn when I was in middle school.
My dad would occasionally leave lists in the morning when he left for work, but they were nothing more complicated than:
RoJoHen, empty the dishwasher.
RoJoHen's Brother, vacuum the living room.
RoJoHen's Sister, change the cat's litter box.
My mom never made lists for my dad, and he never made lists for her. In fact, the only household chore that my dad does that my mom doesn't do is mow the lawn, and that's because he enjoys doing it.
Currently, my mom is redoing the upstairs bathroom. She ripped up the old floor, took down the old wallpaper, and is the process of putting in all new stuff. It was a project she decided to do on her own. My dad isn't even really involved except to say, "You need any help?" or "Oh, that new tile looks nice."
I guess I'm just not seeing the issue. If things need to get done, they should just get done. I've never lived in a world where one needed a to-do list in order to accomplish these things.
If I ever move in with someone, it will be with a clear understanding that I am a lazy bum and don't do lists. 
Since I got married three years ago, I've been working on things for my wife. She always seems to have one more thing for me to do, usually just as I am finishing her last request. Gardening.... cleaing out the garage... getting the pool ready for summer... that kind of stuff. I've noticed that I haven't played my guitar in months, or played on the computer for any real amount of time lately. Sometimes when my friends ask me to go out with them, I've already gotten something planned that is on her list. I feel like a pussy sometimes! And to top it all off, my male friends and I just laugh and shake our heads that life is like this and there's nothing to do about it, and it usually works as an excuse that is acceptable.
I'm not having it!!!
I'm sure I'm not the only guy that has this list from their wife. Heaven forbid if I were to leave her a list of things for her to have done while I'm off at work. Go ahead, try it!!! I'm sure even the most nondemanding wife would be outraged by it.
It just seems like something that society makes males have to meekly accept.
Any thoughts???
"Honey, sweetie, of this extensive list you have given me, which ONE TASK do you absolutely need me to do before I get on with MY day?"
Again, my advice. Take it to heart.
If you're in a benevolent mood, give her two or three simple tasks you can get done in a short amount of time, but stick to your guns and get on with your day.
