Hey let's have some science jokes..

[Gingerbread Demon]

Hey let's have some science humour guys and gals...

Not my joke but I got this off Cortana in my phone. I asked her to tell me a joke this is what I got


A chemist asks an AI if they know much about sodium and the AI says Na...

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Schrodinger's Cat walks into a bar. And doesn't.

 

[Amaris]

I can't, because all the good ones Argon.

 

[CorporalCaptain]

What's the integral of one over cabin, with respect to cabin? Log cabin.

Would you like to hear a joke about nitric oxide? NO.

What did Newton notice to discover gravity? A-pull.

 

[Silvercrest]

Sorta science:

A surgeon, an engineer, and a lawyer were arguing about whose profession came first.

The surgeon says, "God created Eve out of one of Adam's ribs, which is the work of a surgeon. Obviously mine was first."

The engineer says, "But before that, God created the universe from chaos in seven days. Obviously the work of an engineer."

The lawyer says, "Yes, but who created the chaos?"

 

[Gingerbread Demon]

I need a shovel to barium

two bits walk into a bar to have drinks with their six friends and a byte

a neutron walks into a bar asks for a drink and the bartender says "for you no charge"

 

[{ Emilia }]

Q: Why was Heisenberg such a bad lover?
A: When he got the momentum, he couldn't find the position, and when he found the position, he couldn't muster up the momentum.

 

[Gingerbread Demon]

Q: Why was Heisenberg such a bad lover?
A: When he got the momentum, he couldn't find the position, and when he found the position, he couldn't muster up the momentum.

hehe

 

[Silvercrest]

Okay, this is probably apocryphal but it was told to me as a true story.
Back during the days of the Manhattan Project a couple of the scientists were out on the town and driving a little carelessly. They blew through a red light and got pulled over. The scientists explained to the cop that they didn't see the red light. Due to their speed, the Doppler effect made the red light appear green. The cop was impressed by their insight and the depth of their knowledge. Instead, he gave them a ticket for speeding.

 

[MANT!]

Quantum Duck goes "Quark Quark"

 

[Gingerbread Demon]

Quantum Duck goes "Quark Quark"

har har...

 

[CorporalCaptain]

This one has had a reputation of being 'the world's funniest joke,' even before the study described in the Guardian article. While whether it deserves the honor as the funniest ever may be up for debate, here it is anyway, for all us stargazers.

This is the version of it given in Scientists close in on world's funniest joke:

Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson are going camping. They pitch their tent under the stars and go to sleep. In the middle of the night Holmes wakes Watson up: "Watson, look up at the stars, and tell me what you deduce."

Watson: "I see millions of stars and even if a few of those have planets, it's quite likely there are some planets like Earth, and if there are a few planets like Earth out there, there might also be life."

Holmes: "Watson, you idiot, somebody's stolen our tent!"

 

[HIjol]

Here is one I just thunk up, so,if someone else already thunk it up, I swear I did not see it elsewhere.

What do you call measles on the Sun?

Sunspots

What do you call a Convention for Comedy?

A Sili-Con

What would the Capital of Germany be if the Romans were in Power?

Germanium

What is the opposite of "fat", in Brooklyn?

"Tin"

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

A group of scientists are observing a tank full of dolphins. The dolphins are getting extremely...frisky with one another. So much so that the scientists have to calm them down somehow. So they find out that the cure for an over-amorous dolphin is to feed it fresh seagull meat. One of the scientists is dispatched to find some of such meat and bring it back.

Along the way back, the scientist hears on the radio that a lion has escaped from the circus. The lion is subsequently discovered laying asleep, across the road, directly in the scientist's path. He gingerly tiptoes around the beast...and is immediately arrested. The charge is:

Transporting young gulls across a staid lion for immoral porpoises.

 

[Gingerbread Demon]

A group of scientists are observing a tank full of dolphins. The dolphins are getting extremely...frisky with one another. So much so that the scientists have to calm them down somehow. So they find out that the cure for an over-amorous dolphin is to feed it fresh seagull meat. One of the scientists is dispatched to find some of such meat and bring it back.

Along the way back, the scientist hears on the radio that a lion has escaped from the circus. The lion is subsequently discovered laying asleep, across the road, directly in the scientist's path. He gingerly tiptoes around the beast...and is immediately arrested. The charge is:

Transporting young gulls across a staid lion for immoral porpoises.

Hahaha..... That actually made me smile

 

[ManOnTheWave]

Helium walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve noble gases here.” Helium doesn’t react.

 

[Robert Maxwell]

A chemist walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "I'd like some H2O."

A second chemist comes up to the bar and says, "I'd like some H2O, too."

He dies.

 

[publiusr]

That high test peroxide is nasty stuff.

An engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician were on a train heading north, and had just crossed the border into Scotland.

• The engineer looked out of the window and said "Look! Scottish sheep are black!"
• The physicist said, "No, no. Some Scottish sheep are black."
• The mathematician looked irritated. "There is at least one field, containing at least one sheep, of which at least one side is black."

Three hungry cannibals --- who were a chemist, a physicist and an engineer --- found a human thigh bone.

• The chemist licked it, and put it in water to try to dissolve it.
• The physicist tried to break it open to get at the marrow.
• The engineer took it, hit the other two over the head, and ate them.

 

[Metryq]

[yt]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yi3erdgVVTw[/yt]​

 

[Gingerbread Demon]

Penn & Teller are awesome.

Used to love their show called Bullshit