Help. Please.

[Emher]

Here's the thing. I'm a good 80 pounds overweight. At least, I haven't weighed myself in at least six monhts and I think I've become bigger in that period. And I need to get this under control.

My weight issues go back to my middle school days where eating was a way to make things a bit easier during the intense bullying and abuse I went trough during that time. And naturally as an effect of that my tormentors just got another thing to focus on. Since then while I am no longer bullied, I am extremly sensitive about my weight and the connection between my weight issues ans self esteem issues are clear to anyone.

Since August I've been attending an education that unfortunately have not left me a lot of time to eat healthy. But I was doing okay socially so I didn't let it bother me. This spring has not been so easy though with things going increasingly worse in school, and when a very promising potential relationship evaporated a few weeks ago it just got worse and I started slipping back into a depression. And I've just come to realisation that I must get my weight under control and regain my self esteem back or I will die. If not from weight related illness, then from loneliness or even my own hand. Because I don't like myself. At all.

I've taken steps in the past week to get there easier. I've completly stopped with crisps and cut down severly on the soda. I'm actively trying to cook my meals and trying to not eat too much of them, to drink a bit of tea or take an apple instead. I'm also trying to just take a 40 minute fast paced walk around town whenever the weather is not shitty. And I had in fact a pretty good excersise program in effect until I started school in August and just did not have the time.

So what I am essence asking for help with is tips about what I can do. One thing I would like is good tips for things I can do that doesn't take up that much time, because that was one of the main flaws of my previous excersise program. And also if I don't want to lose my apartment I'll have to gt some work projects of the ground when school ends in a few weeks, but I also don't want to die so I need something.



Help me. Please.

 

[Kirk's_Tights]

You need to always keep yourself busy so your mind stays off of food. You're an emotional eater and you need to do things to keep yourself happy in life so you don't feel bad and start eating a lot.

Hang out with your friends, go to parties, go to the movies, do anything that will keep you occupied. You also have to try to "train" yourself to be more positive. Bad things happen to everyone. You just have to be positive about your future. When one door closes, another one opens. You just have to be patient and keep your chin up.


People should eat about six meals a day, but small portions. Wake up and have eggs, toast and orange juice. Have a salad and fruits for lunch. Eat salmon or chicken with veggies for dinner. Have fruits for snacks and drink lots of water. If you don't like the taste of water (or lack of taste) you can get Crystal Light flavors to mix in with your water. Go for walks everyday or maybe 3 days a week. Maybe set 30 minutes for the first week and every week, add 10 minutes on to it. Walk in an area that interests you because if you walk in a boring area, you wont enjoy your walk and you'll give up. A nice, quiet path or a trail through a forest is what I personally like.

I am 5'2" and used to weigh 147 lbs. I felt horrible about myself and didn't want to go outside but got tired of that body and not being able to fit into my old clothes so I ate better and walked a lot. I now stay steady between 103-106 lbs.

You have to have motivation. Give yourself a reason to do it, like your health and your overall body image. If you don't set any goals, you'll get bored and give up. Weigh yourself once a week.


Good luck!

 

[Emher]

Thank you for the advice.

As for motivation I forgot to include that in my last post but I've come to the conclusion that if I ever hope to have some kind of relationship in the future, I need to lose weight. I'm pretty sure one of the reasons why the aformentioned promising relationship didn't happen is because the girl in question has never found me attractive in the first place.

And even if I somehow managed to become happy myself with my appearance society itself will never accept it. For the longest of time I struggle against that idea since I hate having others views thrust upon me, but last night I came to the realisation after reading an article about a study that had determined that overweight men stayed single in an alarming rate. I read this article, but more importantly I read an editorial about it and the comments by readers on both the article and editorial, and that hit home. It is clear that on this issue the stubborness in me must fold, and in truth it's for the best seeing as even I don't like myself.

And I need to make this change to get my self esteem and by this method also my physical condition together. Because I'm 24, turning 25 later this year, still a virgin and generally unhappy with myself. A change is needed.

 

[Angry Angel]

Good luck dude. I'm sure you can do this and the sooner you believe that as well the easier it will become to change something for yourself.
Try to keep it to attainable goals in the beginning. It's so far away to say 80 pounds, but reaching the end of the week and being able to conclude that you actually did do those 40 minute walks is going to be just as important and far more in reach even when the pounds don't drop.
As for ideas ... try finding a buddy. Don't you have a brother living with you? Even if he doesn't need it he might be up for tagging along on walks or bike rides with you in the beginning.

 

[Emher]

Thanks.

And yeah my brother lives with me, but right now he's still going to school and is away most of the day when I'm home, and when he gets ome he's usually pretty tired. Not that I blame him, I've tagged along on a few class trips and I've barely been able to stand that for half a day, let alone every day.

I usually go for at least one walk when mom comes by with the dogs, but it's not very fastpaced. And after school is over she and I will be doing a bit of work together for a few weeks so then I'll be having the oppurtunity each day to take a walk, seeing as she also wants to get in better shape.

 

[Kirk's_Tights]

Thank you for the advice.

As for motivation I forgot to include that in my last post but I've come to the conclusion that if I ever hope to have some kind of relationship in the future, I need to lose weight. I'm pretty sure one of the reasons why the aformentioned promising relationship didn't happen is because the girl in question has never found me attractive in the first place.

And even if I somehow managed to become happy myself with my appearance society itself will never accept it. For the longest of time I struggle against that idea since I hate having others views thrust upon me, but last night I came to the realisation after reading an article about a study that had determined that overweight men stayed single in an alarming rate. I read this article, but more importantly I read an editorial about it and the comments by readers on both the article and editorial, and that hit home. It is clear that on this issue the stubborness in me must fold, and in truth it's for the best seeing as even I don't like myself.

And I need to make this change to get my self esteem and by this method also my physical condition together. Because I'm 24, turning 25 later this year, still a virgin and generally unhappy with myself. A change is needed.

I understand where you are coming from because I used to have very low self esteem. I used to dress in big, baggy clothes and wear my hair in a ponytail every single day. I hated myself and didn't care to try to fix myself up to look nice. Now, it's the total opposite. I learned to love myself and when I started caring about how I looked (dressing better, fixing my hair), people started to give compliments and that kept me on track and gave me motivation. I felt better about myself and my confidence has skyrocketed.

You just have to think of how things will be once you start to lose the weight. People WILL notice, you'll feel way better about yourself and you'll realize how much better life is. If you don't love yourself, you can't expect anyone else to love you.

A turnoff for women is a guy with no confidence. Once you gain that confidence, you shouldn't have a problem dating anyone. There is nothing to be ashamed about.

Just keep yourself positive (I know it's hard, I've been there, done that). You eventually get so used to being postitive that it just becomes second nature.

 

[Emher]

Well clothes have always been an issue for me. I do try to look good but it's not easy being a guy that's both tall (6'3") and having the girth I do as well. Perhaps when I cut down on the girth it will become a bit easier. And I try to keep my beard neatly trimmed, also actually going to a professional hair dresser on thursday for the first time in years.

And I do hope this helps and I get some confidence out of it. I'm tired of trying to hide in plain site, ashamed of how I look. And I don't want to waste my life with those kind of feelings.

 

[Kirk's_Tights]

It sucks and wont get you anywhere to keep hiding in the outside world so it's awesome that you want to end that kind of lifestyle.


Life can be hard and people like to judge but you gotta have the strength to not let it get you down. People who say negative things about others are people who don't like themselves so they have to put someone else down to feel better.


Having a great attitude attracts people. I used to be very shy, hardly even able to say a simple hello to strangers, and people don't want to deal with someone who comes across as boring. I am now always laughing and joking around and it makes people want to be my friend because people generally enjoy having a person around who can make them laugh and be happy. That sort of energy from a person gives others energy.

 

[Emher]

I have actually made big steps in being more outgoing in the last few years and is not way more social then I used to be. But I want to keep improving and as I've said that's where I think this comes in because this is the part of me I truly dislike. That and my terrible people reading skills, but the latter is harder to fix.

On a related note thought I've now managed to just get the hell up and out and manage to the walking two days in a row. Haven't managed that for a while, gonna aim to keep it up. Food bit didn't go too well today though.

 

[Kirk's_Tights]

I'm a big lover of bad foods....ice cream, chocolate, pizza, Wendy's <3....all those tasty things. I am also weak for Root Beer and Dr. Pepper. I just learn to do it now in moderation.


A lot of people think it's easy to eat less but it isn't. Your body gets so used to eating a lot and your stomach is already stretched out so it's hard to eat smaller meals and feel full.

 

[The Boy Who Cried Worf]

Make sure you eat breakfast every day. People who don't eat breakfast are 450% more likely to be obese than people who do. Remember that actually doing a little is much more important than thinking about doing a lot. Even a 10 minute walk a day is better than nothing. In fact 10 minute walks 3 times a day goes a long way to assuring you won't gain anymore weight. Cutting out the soda is a huge help too. You'll probably lose a pound a month just from those two things. Try and do small things to increase your exercise every day like taking stairs or purposefully parking farther away from your destination. Plus watch your stress levels. Stress produces a lot of Cortisol which is a fat storing hormone. I know how difficult the struggle is. I have reached the point where weight loss isn't an option anymore it is a requirement if I want to stay alive. Good luck and keep letting us know how it goes.

 

[Emher]

I'm a big lover of bad foods....ice cream, chocolate, pizza, Wendy's <3....all those tasty things. I am also weak for Root Beer and Dr. Pepper. I just learn to do it now in moderation.


A lot of people think it's easy to eat less but it isn't. Your body gets so used to eating a lot and your stomach is already stretched out so it's hard to eat smaller meals and feel full.

Yeah, I love waaay too much of the bad stuff But at the moment I'm cutting out a LOT that I usually eat since while some of it isn't too bad in small bits, I've been eating way too much of it. I have promised myself that I can eat some stuff, in moderation, on Midsummers Eve. But that's over a month away and by then I'm hopefully on a good way into my food routines.

And definetly a good point about the stomach being stretched. When I was on a good path last year before it went wrong again I'd started to notice this. Also gotta mention one thing: when I was working a temporary job last summer the subject of food and weight came up and it turned out one of the regular employees had gotten a gastric bypass seeing as she'd struggled her whole life (she was in the low 40s) and she'd been able to lose weight because of that. Intresting to hear, but she seemed a bit to "saved" by this method because the further the discussion went the more adamant she became that she really really thought I should do it.

Putting aside the fact that she was sorta creeping me out, I could never do that. If I did that I would have to eat small portions always, always eat slow and never ever indulge. I can't do that. I need to be able to indulge myself once in a while, not have to worry about if I'm eating slow enough and so on. So I'm going the long way with excersise, but I'm sure my quality of life will be higher because of it.

Make sure you eat breakfast every day. People who don't eat breakfast are 450% more likely to be obese than people who do. Remember that actually doing a little is much more important than thinking about doing a lot. Even a 10 minute walk a day is better than nothing. In fact 10 minute walks 3 times a day goes a long way to assuring you won't gain anymore weight. Cutting out the soda is a huge help too. You'll probably lose a pound a month just from those two things. Try and do small things to increase your exercise every day like taking stairs or purposefully parking farther away from your destination. Plus watch your stress levels. Stress produces a lot of Cortisol which is a fat storing hormone. I know how difficult the struggle is. I have reached the point where weight loss isn't an option anymore it is a requirement if I want to stay alive. Good luck and keep letting us know how it goes.

I always eat breakfast. If I don't I become an inseffurable asshole for the rest of the day. Nothing stops me from getting my breakfast!

Use escalators a bit too much when commuting, will try and use stairs when avaiable. Always try and work a bits away when I go shopping and so on since I'm trying to work up that habit for when I finally have my new Camaro. Want to minimize the risk on damages on that in the parking lot as much as possible.

As for stress level...ever try practical film making studies? This past nine months have largely been very stressfull but the last few months I have for better or worse just mentally said "Fuck it!" to myself because I do not have the energy to waste that much stress on some of this shit. I've only got three weeks left, so after that stress levels should sink dramatically.

Thanks and good luck to you as well

 

[Kirk's_Tights]

Yeah, I love waaay too much of the bad stuff But at the moment I'm cutting out a LOT that I usually eat since while some of it isn't too bad in small bits, I've been eating way too much of it. I have promised myself that I can eat some stuff, in moderation, on Midsummers Eve. But that's over a month away and by then I'm hopefully on a good way into my food routines.

I LOVE Wendy's and used to eat it almost every single day. I was lucky, though, because I did a ton of walking so it didn't show on me but I'm sure if I hadn't walked so much that summer, I would have been pretty heavy.

Seriously, I wish all unheathy foods were actually healthy, lol. There would be a lot of people in great shape if that were the case.

And definetly a good point about the stomach being stretched. When I was on a good path last year before it went wrong again I'd started to notice this. Also gotta mention one thing: when I was working a temporary job last summer the subject of food and weight came up and it turned out one of the regular employees had gotten a gastric bypass seeing as she'd struggled her whole life (she was in the low 40s) and she'd been able to lose weight because of that. Intresting to hear, but she seemed a bit to "saved" by this method because the further the discussion went the more adamant she became that she really really thought I should do it.

Putting aside the fact that she was sorta creeping me out, I could never do that. If I did that I would have to eat small portions always, always eat slow and never ever indulge. I can't do that. I need to be able to indulge myself once in a while, not have to worry about if I'm eating slow enough and so on. So I'm going the long way with excersise, but I'm sure my quality of life will be higher because of it.

In my opinion, I think surgery should only be considered if you really have a serious problem losing weight and it's taking a toll on your health. Some people just use surgery as the "easy" way out because they don't want to work on losing the weight themselves.

Carrie Wilson (not sure if you know who she is) had surgery and she was recently on a TV show to do an interview and she was heavy again. I just think people should try really hard to make the right choices in life to lose weight instead of turning to surgery that might ony help you stay thin for a little while and then you go right back to where you started.

I am a REALLY slow eater and people used to tease me about it but they then realized that eating slow helps you lose weight. A lot of people I know practically swallow their food whole and are hungry 5 minutes later. It takes 10 minutes for your brain to register that you are eating so if you eat too fast, your brain wont register in time and that's why you feel hungry and eat more.

 

[Daedalus12]

The Usual.

Don't drink soda or anything with lots of high fructose syrup in them.

Don't eat candies or sweets.

Join your local gym.

Start biking around.

Actually Emher I know a Swede who went down 100 lb (276 to 180) from just walking a hour or two per day for a year so yeah walking can be a good start.

 

[Emher]

^I don't know if I should go as low as 180. My brother is in pretty good shape and he's at 220. He's not overly muscular and about an inch or so taller then me. If I got down to his weight I'd consider myself pretty damned pleased! I'm at 310 pounds or so now.

But what I thought I'd do is update this with some sort of status report. So far doing okay. Have walked at least half an hour every day so far. Still my hardest part is the food, but I'm actively trying to go for healthier stuff then I normally do, or exhange parts of what I usually eat for vegetables. Also trying to eat an apple when I'm need something to nibble. Next 1½ weeks is the real test since I'm going to be mostly in a editing room, attempting to once and for all finish a delayed project (it's now so delayed that it's become near legend in school). I'll have to keep up the walks or I'll go batshit insane, but the food is what worries me. When you edit it's about the work, for food it's what you can get quickly. Gonna try and stay away from the fastfood and go for like some good bread and I will be bringing along apples and water.

One effect of me giving up almost all things I've now gotten used to as far as snacks and watching my diet more is that I'm now hornier then I've been in a long time! Which would be great if I had anyone to use that energy with or had any sort of skills at flirting

 

[SGx]

Get a bike!

I hate exercising because I'm impatient and I get bored. But with a bike you can go places, you can explore, and it's actually fun and interesting. And although it's hard to start if you don't work out much, you'll feel so much happier and more confident, just knowing that you're working towards something, or even just that you've done something fun with our day.

There are some things that will have an instant effect. One is dropping all your fizzy drinks and replacing them with water. Drink lots of water! Something I do to stop comfort eating is to chug a whole pint; it stops you feeling hungry and gives you a chance to think clearly. Also, buy really good cereal. Get something you want to eat in the morning. Makes all the difference!

The most important thing is to feel confident and happy in yourself. I know that sounds very Oprah, but it's true, the happier you are, the more you do, the more you lose weight, the happier you are, etc. I put on weight a few years ago for exactly the same reason as you, I was just miserable. It's taken a long time to get down to an acceptable size, but I'm a lot happier with how I look now, which in turn means I don't just sit around drinking coke and eating sausage rolls all day!

 

[SmoothieX]

^I don't know if I should go as low as 180. My brother is in pretty good shape and he's at 220. He's not overly muscular and about an inch or so taller then me. If I got down to his weight I'd consider myself pretty damned pleased! I'm at 310 pounds or so now.

I've heard a general rule of thumb for normally built guys (not big body frame or highly athletic) is 100 lbs for the first 5' + 7 lbs per inch for every inch above that.

If you're 6'3", then that's 15 in * 7 lbs/inch = 105 +100 = 205 lbs.

So 180 might be a bit too small. 220 definitely seems reasonable to shoot for now.

 

[Emher]

The most important thing is to feel confident and happy in yourself. I know that sounds very Oprah, but it's true, the happier you are, the more you do, the more you lose weight, the happier you are, etc. I put on weight a few years ago for exactly the same reason as you, I was just miserable. It's taken a long time to get down to an acceptable size, but I'm a lot happier with how I look now, which in turn means I don't just sit around drinking coke and eating sausage rolls all day!

Well, not doing to well with that yet seeing as crap self esteem has been a part of who I am since age eleven or so. But I'm trying.

I've heard a general rule of thumb for normally built guys (not big body frame or highly athletic) is 100 lbs for the first 5' + 7 lbs per inch for every inch above that.

If you're 6'3", then that's 15 in * 7 lbs/inch = 105 +100 = 205 lbs.

So 180 might be a bit too small. 220 definitely seems reasonable to shoot for now.

I think if I can reach 220 I can be very pleased with myself. We did that thing on bro and he's apparantly not at 220 but rather 216 pounds, so he's about 4 four pounds above the rule. So not to bad I'd say.

 

[Daedalus12]

NO no no I am not suggesting you should go down to 180. The Swede I know is only 5'11. I used the guy just as an example of someone who lost a lot of weight just by walking a lot (and of course not ingesting any sugar).

 

[DarkHelmet]

Emher,

1. Eat 5 to 6 meals per day, 350 - 450 calories for the "main" meals, 200-300 for the inbetweens.

2. Try to make 30% of your calories come from protein.

3. Exericise for at least 45 minutes at least 5 days per week. Whether it's at the gym, walking, riding a bike.

4. Eliminate soda, chips, "snack food".

5. Unless it's a low calorie protein shake, do not eat after 8 or 9 pm.

Follow these rules and your body will change.