has any 1 here ever date there boss
- Thread starter drychlick
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That never sounds like a good plan. No, I haven't. Actually, I tend to be the logical (and dateless) voice in the wilderness shouting out the evils of letting professionalism fall by the wayside over emotionalism.
Ask out the cute Barista who served you Starbucks for the last 2 years; she might say yes. If she says "no", however, you have just earned a lingering awkwardness that will interfere with all future trips to your favorite coffee joint. Weigh it in the balance; there's a 50/50 chance that it will go either way. Maybe it would be better just to keep it professional at the coffee counter and wait for a less dangerous opportunity.
The above is, however, kind of small potatoes compared to your job. After all, you can always ignore the Barista in the future or visit another coffee shop; but you can't ignore your boss, and finding another job is not a fun way to wind up having to deal with something gone wrongly.
I'm writing this from the perspective of a (possibly overly conservative) male. Nevertheless, I believe that my philosophy is equally valid without regard to gender. The workplace is for getting the job done; anything beyond that leaps into risky territory. Sure, I'm no expert; but if it were my choice, I would definitely back away.
Ultimately, you've got to figure out what you define as "acceptable loss". Keep in mind that the workplace is already irritating, challenging, and often strangely dramatic under neutral conditions.
Here is another unique thought to help you formulate an opinion: What is, would you estimate, (based on your present knowledge) the chance (in percentage) that a relationship (as proposed) with the individual in question will end with a happy lifelong marriage? "Are you crazy?" is probably your response to this question. Indeed, you probably aren't yet sure if this person is good date material, much less marriage material; and so, assuming that the suggested relationship is probably (at minimum) 75% likely to eventually end, what is the chance that it could end without impacting your career?
Ask out the cute Barista who served you Starbucks for the last 2 years; she might say yes. If she says "no", however, you have just earned a lingering awkwardness that will interfere with all future trips to your favorite coffee joint. Weigh it in the balance; there's a 50/50 chance that it will go either way. Maybe it would be better just to keep it professional at the coffee counter and wait for a less dangerous opportunity.
The above is, however, kind of small potatoes compared to your job. After all, you can always ignore the Barista in the future or visit another coffee shop; but you can't ignore your boss, and finding another job is not a fun way to wind up having to deal with something gone wrongly.
I'm writing this from the perspective of a (possibly overly conservative) male. Nevertheless, I believe that my philosophy is equally valid without regard to gender. The workplace is for getting the job done; anything beyond that leaps into risky territory. Sure, I'm no expert; but if it were my choice, I would definitely back away.
Ultimately, you've got to figure out what you define as "acceptable loss". Keep in mind that the workplace is already irritating, challenging, and often strangely dramatic under neutral conditions.
Here is another unique thought to help you formulate an opinion: What is, would you estimate, (based on your present knowledge) the chance (in percentage) that a relationship (as proposed) with the individual in question will end with a happy lifelong marriage? "Are you crazy?" is probably your response to this question. Indeed, you probably aren't yet sure if this person is good date material, much less marriage material; and so, assuming that the suggested relationship is probably (at minimum) 75% likely to eventually end, what is the chance that it could end without impacting your career?
Janet Levinson-Gould, I presume?
Probably a bad idea in most circumstances, although there are always exceptions. I've certainly never done it, though most of my bosses have been women. Too much potential for grief in that scenario....
I have never dated my boss, personally, but I have known several people who have done ... and it has ended badly in every single instance (including the one that resulted in a marriage ... and then a divorce less than a year later because he cheated on his new wife with a subordinate at work.)
[monthy python]Run away! Run away![/monty python]
[monthy python]Run away! Run away![/monty python]
I dated my intern once. I was younger than he was and we were both pretty damn young, so it wasn't creepy from an age/power perspective, we were just in very different positions due to our educational paths. It was a temporary job, as well, but it still made for all kinds of glorious awkwardness, let me tell you. It was a horrible idea.
Since then, I have seen it in every office I've ever worked in. The workplace is a soap opera these days (or maybe it's just my line of work that attracts the emotionally unstable). It never seems to end well, and somehow, more often than not, adultery seems to be part of it, as well. Even when it doesn't involve one person cheating on a spouse, the almost inevitable breakup affects everyone in the office.
Since then, I have seen it in every office I've ever worked in. The workplace is a soap opera these days (or maybe it's just my line of work that attracts the emotionally unstable). It never seems to end well, and somehow, more often than not, adultery seems to be part of it, as well. Even when it doesn't involve one person cheating on a spouse, the almost inevitable breakup affects everyone in the office.
I haven't, but I've seen it happen in a previous job.
The person dating the boss got away with everything
The person dating the boss got away with everything
Never actually did it, but yeah, very bad idea. I'm not against a bit of flirting at work (I know this is not a popular opinion, too), but dating a boss, co-worker or subordinate is usually a recipe for disaster.
I don't agree with the barista example: even if she says no, it's not the end of the world. No need to feel awkward about that: tomorrow is another day. People take dating way too seriously in my opinion: it's about having fun and getting to know people, not a desperate struggle for intimacy. That way only lies anxiety and disappointment.
And, I'm not a grammar nazi (in fact, English is my second language), but please, please for your own sake: learn how to spell.
I don't agree with the barista example: even if she says no, it's not the end of the world. No need to feel awkward about that: tomorrow is another day. People take dating way too seriously in my opinion: it's about having fun and getting to know people, not a desperate struggle for intimacy. That way only lies anxiety and disappointment.
And, I'm not a grammar nazi (in fact, English is my second language), but please, please for your own sake: learn how to spell.
Considering the major gender imbalance in my company (refinery design), it would be difficult for me or many people in the business to comment on it
^ When I worked at Macy's, I was practically the only straight guy among a store full of women and gay men. It felt a little bit wierd.
I've been on a few outings alone with female managers over the years, but I never considered them dates. More like spending some time with a good friend. In my line of work it was always the drunk female customers you had to watch out for since that had the potential to destroy business relationships lasting for years.
So THAT's what happened to you during the BR Christmas Party!
I've dated co-workers, but the boss? No, haven't done that. Sounds like a recipe for psychodynamic chaos, but then again, so are all affaires de couer when you think about it. So I guess this is would be more a matter of degree rather than nature really.
Having said all that, only with one of the female bosses I've ever worked for, would I have even considered it.
Having said all that, only with one of the female bosses I've ever worked for, would I have even considered it.
That would be a very bad idea... Very bad.
One of my co-workers was having an affair with the boss. She kept the baby and when the boss almost saved his marriage they had a second child. They are now married. And the boss had to delay his retirement.
Another woman was the boss and started dating on of her underlings. She all but abandoned her children to go live with the guy until she walked in on him cheating on her. She has since lost her supervisor gig and was transferred to another district to start over as just another craft worker.
Another woman was the boss and started dating on of her underlings. She all but abandoned her children to go live with the guy until she walked in on him cheating on her. She has since lost her supervisor gig and was transferred to another district to start over as just another craft worker.
1. No. It is not a good idea to date your boss. Nothing like losing your lover AND your job on the same day, genius.
2. Spell-check is your friend.
3. It gets on everyone's nerves (or at least on my nerves) when people on the internet write stuff like 'any 1' for 'anyone' unless they are on IM. You saved yourself exactly ONE keystroke, bub....so why not write like an adult? Just sayin......
2. Spell-check is your friend.
3. It gets on everyone's nerves (or at least on my nerves) when people on the internet write stuff like 'any 1' for 'anyone' unless they are on IM. You saved yourself exactly ONE keystroke, bub....so why not write like an adult? Just sayin......
A few years ago, it was just for "fun" but when we thought about actually getting serious about "dating" I told her I was going to ask for a transfer to another department because I wanted us to have a real chance and not have work be a part of the factor.
Later on down the line, the serious part ended up not working out, but there was no drama and thanks to no long working together that wasn't effected either.
Later on down the line, the serious part ended up not working out, but there was no drama and thanks to no long working together that wasn't effected either.
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