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Funny One-Sentence Summaries of TNG Episodes

"The Next Phase" fails to phase Geordie or Ro.

"Who Watches the Watchers?" Picard watches as alien watchers watch him like fans at a live concert of the Who.

When a married Disco genie is smitten by a lesbian honkie's 5th grade stage-combat moves, the "Code of Honor" calls for the two women to swing giant crab claws at each other on a jungle gym.

"Genesis:" of Baaaarclay the Spiiiiideeeer!
 
More Season 3...

The Enemy: Klingons can be a pain in the butt sometimes...

The Defector: But they're still good to have around.

The Price: Caveat emptor is especially true when you're talking about wormholes.

The Hunted: Rambo on a starship.

Deja Q: Even without his powers, he's still a pain in the butt.

A Matter of Perspective: Some old guy has a fantasy about beating up on Riker.

Yesterday's Enterprise: Picard sends hundreds of people to certain death because Guinan had a hunch.

The Offspring: Congratulations, Data... it's a girl.
 
FUN! :techman:

Relics: Genius technological pioneer miraculously survives 80 years, buzzing around inside some transporter tech, only to find out that aside for a few well-wishes, nobody really gives a crap.

Disaster: Misfortune befalls the ship & crew right at the exact moment they are all partnered with the worst possible pairings, & somehow manage to survive regardless.

Darmok: Sokath, his eyes uncovered.
 
Q Who: A knowledgable and resourceful traveler hopes to join the crew, Picard tells him eff off.

Timescape: Troi is sexually harassed at a conference, the Enterprise is destroyed, Picard can't stop laughing.
 
Sins of the Father: Picard and Worf walk out of a Klingon I-Hate-You Circle

Allegience: Picard is obviously fake and no one can figure it out.

Captain's Holiday: Picard shows that even when there's snow (and not much of that) on the roof, there's fire in the furnace!

Hollow Pursuits: It's revealed that HM Murdock escaped justice by traveling 400 years into the future and joining Starfleet.

The Most Toys: An inconvenient transporter beam interrupts poetic justice.

Manage a Troi: Wes gets a red uniform, and Picard has to pretend to actually like Lwaxana.

Sarek: Apparently, there were no Vulcans on Enterprise for Sarek to mind meld with, so Picard has to do it.

Best of Both Worlds I: Picard gives Riker a hard kick in the butt, but Riker doesn't take the hint.
 
On to Season 4!

BoBW2 - Riker spends a whole episode learning to be an awesome captain... and nothing comes of it.

Family - Picard does some mud rasslin'.

Brothers - Data has serious family issues.

Suddenly Human - Picard gets the point on more ways than one.

Remember Me - Everyone except Beverly vanishes and no one remembers them.

Legacy - Tasha's sister is a treacherous snake.

Reunion - Don't mess with Worf's girlfriend.

Future Imperfect - Data gets a red uniform and Riker gets a kid.

Final Mission - Hasta la vista, Wesley.

The Loss - Enterprise meets a bunch of really flat lemmings.

Data's Day - Picard lets Romulan spy get away... but it won't come back to bite him later, will it?

Devil's Due - Picard gets to cosplay as the Klingon version of Old Scratch.

Clues - Data is full of crap all of a sudden, and no one can figure out why.
 
Darmok: Like Troi's speech to Picard in "Ensigns of Command" about communication, but with an underlying story less interesting than tea and saucer

The Naked Now: Wesley build a repulsor beam and uses his dPhone to cut and paste Picard voice snippets, oh and there's a ripoff of a TOS plot in this one too

Cause & Effect: Has Geordi telling the audience umpteen times how Ensign Fletcher kept him from saying "I've fallen and can't get up" - for context, see that cheezy late-80s "Lifecall" commercial regarding Mrs Fletcher (or any of them, but the first started the trend...)

Manhunt: Mick Fleetwood spends half a day getting caked in fishy-looking make-up to say one line that took half a second to recite.

Code of Honor: Nobody on Ligon II thinks a woman can be chief of security, even if the episode shows a very formidable female foe - also given a similar name in case the audience is too stupid to notice the poor scripting everywhere else in the story

Transfigurations: TNG's attempt to revive TOS's tradition to have a character in tight sweatpants - with boring results.

True Q: Crusher is finally revealed to the whole audience, oh and Amanda is straight out of "The Wizard of Oz" via a gaggle of face-slapping in-jokes what with "Kansas", "tornado", "barking dog", and all...

Man of the People: Reusing the trope of characters rapidly aging is getting old

Relics: Bring in the old engineer from the old show and force him to spout our new treknobabble after treating him like a caricature

Shades of Gray: Clips shows worked great in sitcoms, so why not here? * Note: This was a last ditch effort to get 22 episodes out instead of 21 thanks to the writer's strike that already clobbered the show and what isn't a clip is generally fairly good and shows TNG can do excellent alien world horror

The Survivors: Wait, there's a plot here other than forcing Troi overreact to chintzy earworm muzak?

We'll Always Have Paris: To ensure Picard will have a starting point for a long list of lovers too, we'll start by using stunt casting with one of The Mamas and the Papas

The Measure of a Man: Picard meets another old fling, and there's some melodrama about Data too.

Identity Crisis: The only Trek episode involving people turning into salamanders that isn't a total chore

The Offspring: Decades ahead of its time, the new android's name says it all - "LOL"
 
Galaxy's Child: A fifty-foot space slug thinks the Enterprise is its mom... oh, and Geordi's being kind of creepy.

Night Terrors: A bunch of dead people that won't stay dead, a crazy Betazoid, and Troi goes flying through a green void.

Identity Crisis: Geordi is transforming into a weird invisible alien, and the crew still leave him unsupervised.

The Nth Degree: Barclay does "Flowers For Algernon" in space.

Qpid: Worf is definitely not a merry man.

The Drumhead: Salem, MA: The Sequel.

Half a Life: Lwaxana's new boyfriend submits to government sanctioned genocide because his daughter wants his corpse to rot in a certain place.
[Believe it or not, I had two descriptions for that one... that was the less nasty of the two]

The Host: Meet the Trill.

In Theory: Data tries romance, and it goes about as well as you would expect.

Redemption Part I: Exit Worf.

Redemption Part 2: Reenter Worf... of, and Data gets to be captain.
 
"Sub Rosa": No. Just...no.
"Angel One": We're sorry...please ignore this episode and move on.
"Code of Honor": Ah...sorry....so sorry....
"Aquiel": Sorry, dont watch this either.
"Justice": Gardening is dangerous.
 
SEASON FIVE

Darmok: Picard doesn't learn the Tamarian captain's name until he's dead.

Ensign Ro: Enter the Bajorans... probably just another one and done species; we won't be seeing them again, will we?

Silicon Avatar: Exit the Crystalline Entity.

Disaster: Picard faces his worst nightmare... kids!

The Game: We know Data has no emotions... but he still looks pissed when he barges onto the bridge with his flashy-thingy.

Unification: Exit Sarek, enter Spock.

Unification II: Spock and Data star in the same episode, generating explosive nerd-gasms throughout the fandom.

A Matter of Time: A time traveler makes himself completely obnoxious, and gets seriously paid back.

New Ground: Worf finds himself wishing he used a condom.

Hero Worship: If they ever wanted a new Data for a TNG reboot, we know who to call.
 
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