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Funny one-sentence descriptions of DS9 episodes

Oddish

Oddish

Admiral
Admiral
This is the continuation of the TNG topic of the same name... write a one-sentence summary of a DS9 episode, the more humorous the better. I typically attack the whole series in sequence, but you are free to select individual episodes.

SEASON ONE... GO!

Emissary: "Welcome to Star Trek: People Who Don't Get Along With Each Other!"

Past Prologue: Uhhh... what was this one about again? :shrug:

A Man Alone: A Bajoran jerk clones himself and kills the clone, resulting in Promenade pandemonium!

Babel: Trample. Inward. Chicken. Flyswatter. Lilac. Waffle. Montana. Autumn. Huckleberry.

Q-Less: "You HIT me... Picard never hit me!"

Captive Pursuit: Picard never yelled at O'Brien, either!

Dax: Interesting premise is rendered pointless by a convenient denouement.

The Passenger: Maybe he should have taken a shuttle instead...

Move Along Home: Sisko REALLY doesn't like playing alien hopscotch.

Vortex: Odo turns into a glass, and meets a... key?

Battle Lines: Exit Opaka.

The Storyteller: O'Brien winds up as a patsy in helping a village deal with their own neuroses in the weirdest way possible... Julian.
 
Thank you for starting the thread!

I will also go in production order.

"EMISSARY" - The best way to explain how slow and boring linear time is to aliens who have no concept of time: teach them baseball.

"A MAN ALONE" - I wonder how many times Ibudan touched himself...

"PAST PROLOGUE" - Plain and simple has never been so understated and overstated in the same episode.

"BABEL" - When incomprehensible can actually be produced... and make sense.

"CAPTIVE PURSUIT" - O'Brien cheats the game, and we love him for it.

"Q-LESS" - Sisko shows us the most effective way to keep Q from appearing again.

"DAX"- The only time an episode named after a character where said character has the least dialogue in said episode.

"THE PASSENGER"- Bashir really has a full head.

"MOVE ALONG HOME" - Dice... hopscotch... Sisko sings... Quark begs... ALLAMARAINE!!!!!


I will do the back half of season 1 tomorrow.
 
Looking forward to it. :beer:

Progress: Classic "plucky holdout versus evil land-grabbing corporation" story, only the evil corporation wins.

If Wishes Were Horses: Just be glad your sex fantasies are still private.

The Forsaken: Chief O'Brien gets a dog.

Duet: Brilliant highly trained Starfleet doctor can't even fix a knife wound?

Dramatis Personae: Sisko can't stop playing with his... clock.

In the Hands of the Prophets: We meet a loser named Winn.
 
The Homecoming: Kira rescues Lee Nollis, famous destroyer of nearly naked Cardassians, then gets fired.

The Circle: Odo shows that he really is the Long Arm of the Law.

The Siege: Lee Nollis becomes an unfortunate casualty of the Big Red Reset Button.

Invasive Procedures: The station is taken over by slug-jackers.

Cardassians: Someone should have told Rugal that Cardassians are friends, not food.

Melora: Bashir falls for a woman, but it doesn't go anywhere for some incomprehensible "I'm not me unless I'm confined to a wheelchair" reason.

Rules of Acquisition: Quark meets a female who wears clothes and earns profit and doesn't believe in traditional gender roles... but she takes off because of course it's impossible for one female to singlehandedly transform Ferengi society.

Necessary Evil: Odo finds out Kira's a better liar than he thought (and lucky for her).

Second Sight: Megalomaniacal terraformer gets incinerated.

Sanctuary: Chekov's kid also gets incinerated.

Rivals: Prince Humperdinck builds a bunch of luck machines, but they turn on him.
 
Life Support: "It's Alive! (But has even less personality than before, if you can believe it)."

Heart of Stone: "Emissary, will you be my new daddy?"
 
Body Parts: Suggestively Jewish characters bicker over a pound of flesh.

Destiny: Civilization is the product of interaction with ancient aliens, Bajoran style.

Visionary: O'Brien confronts how bleak his future looks.
 
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What you leave behind - that father's day card is going to need hella stamps

Our Man Bashir - like watching Sean Connery era Bond but with over the top acting

By Inferno's Light - Fight Club 2: Space Fight Club

Dr Bashir I Presume - Imagine if this episode had been 2 slots earlier?

Apocalypse Rising - No one will ever recognise Worf, Son Of Mogh, brother of Kurn, only Klingon in Starfleet, guy who helped get Gowron his place as Chancellor...yeah this will totally work out
 
I'll let these two cut in line...

Defiant: "Hey, Mike, check this out... not only did I do seven whole seasons on TNG, but I featured prominently in a DS9 episode too; pretty cool, right?"
[Jonathan Frakes, to Michael Dorn]

The Way of the Warrior: "Jonathan, hold my beer." [Dorn's response]
 
Here is the rest of season 1...

"THE NAGUS" - THE GODFATHER PART IV... Quark is given an offer he can't refuse.

"VORTEX" - Is 'dissembling' really a less harsh word than 'lie'?

"BATTLE LINES" - Have they ever thought of using the HIGHLANDER method of killing?

"THE STORYTELLER" - Worf is NOT a merry man, and Varis Sul is NOT a little lady.

"PROGRESS" - Self-sealing stem bolts... will we ever find out what they do?

"IF WISHES WERE HORSES" - Kira needs serious help developing her imagination.

"THE FORSAKEN" - A probe fully understands what "Lonely Is the Night" means.

"DRAMATIS PERSONAE" - Actors acting as characters that are acting out a scenario that was acted long ago.

"DUET" - Marritza should have checked Dar'Heel's records more thoroughly...

"IN THE HANDS OF THE PROPHETS" - You want to taste MY jumja stick?


I will start on season 2 probably Saturday.
 
The Homecoming: Li Nalas, I just met a hero named Li Nalas

The Circle: The Circle's going to have it's way tonight

The Siege: Quark, Quark, crazy Quark, play cool boy
 
The Alternate: We see the source of Odo's dubious tonsorial sense.

Armageddon Game: Good think Keiko didn't know her husband as well as she thought she did.

Whispers: For some reason, no one just thinks of just explaining to O'Brien that he may not be who he thinks he is.

Paradise: Take one Sisko and bake at 350° for 45 minutes or until thoroughly cooked.

Shadowplay: Odo meets Trek's cutest sentient hologram and turns into a top.

Playing God: Dax undergoes a sudden personality change, but at least she's not going on an assassination mission with a bunch of elderly Klingons.

Blood Oath: Oops, never mind.

The Maquis: UN Jefferson turns space terrorist.

The Maquis Part II: What in the Prophets' name is Bashir doing flying a combat ship?

The Wire: The stories are all true... especially the lies.

Crossover: Let's meet Kinky Kira, Smiley, and Explodo!

The Collaborator: Evil murderous manipulator becomes Bajor's equivalent of the pope... this isn't going to end well.

Tribunal: O'Brien must suffer even when in vacation.

The Jem'Hadar: Meet the evil, fanatical, drug addicted, mass murdering, genetically enhanced space lizards.
 
I was inspired last night, so I have the first half of season 2.


"THE HOMECOMING" - I wonder how many made up Gul names Kira used during the Occupation...

"THE CIRCLE" - Skeletor and Nurse Ratched working together... what could possibly go wrong?

"THE SIEGE" - I bet Li Nalas wished he stayed in TWIN PEAKS.

"INVASIVE PROCEDURES" - Dax gets more lines than Jadzia.

"CARDASSIANS" - Biting the hand that doesn't feed you.

"MELORA" - (singing) Walk like an Elaysian...

"RULES OF ACQUISITION" - Reverse TOOTSIE.

"NECESSARY EVIL" - Terok Noir.

"SECOND SIGHT" - The people from "Half a Life" could have used his services...

"SANCTUARY" - Women bonding over ugly dresses... as true today as it will be in 350 years.

"RIVALS" - (singing) Neutrinos spin right round, baby, right round... like a record baby, right round, round, round!

"THE ALTERNATE" - Jekyll and Hyde, but gooey.

"ARMAGEDDON GAME" - Taking 'erase all data' to a new extreme.


I'll post the back half of season 2 tomorrow. Or later tonight, if I can finish.
 
Way of the Warrior - Sisko teaches Worf some life lessons about duty...forgets to teach him about fatherhood

Rules of Engagement - Trek meets Law and Order

Sword of Kahless - Kor suddenly has ridges and no one cares but you give a Klingon extra nostrils and everyone loses their shit
 
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