Somewhat related... what do you hope people will say about you after you're dead? I've been thinking about this as I was reminded of the excellent Better Things episode Eulogy (https://www.imdb.com/title/tt6364824/?ref_=ttep_ep6).
Funerals....a load of bollocks???
- Thread starter ED-209
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Take what organs they can use for others then donate the rest to medical science.
I’m not sure what I’d want them to say. But what I’d hope they don’t say is hollow platitudes. I’d even rather they tear me a new one than recite obligation niceness.
Maybe my funeral party should include a roast. Whatever it takes to get them out of obligation niceness mode and just relax.
AFAIK, most religions support organ donation. I'm not aware of any that have a problem with it.
That said, I don't think people should be shamed into doing it. Donate your organs if you feel it's the right thing to do, but don't let people lay a guilt trip on you if you choose not to.
So my mom died suddenly and unexpectedly in August of 1999. Nothing had been planned for her funeral (she was relatively young).
The next day was the worst day of my life.
My grandpa, my dad, and I went to the funeral home and met with someone to deal with all of it. Her parents already had a niche in the mausoleum that she could be put into, so that wasn't an issue. We sat with this...salesperson is the best way to describe her, as she went down this list of services and products one at a time.
She asked if we wanted her embalmed. Now, not only was my mom an organ and tissue donor (which she knew), she also wanted to be cremated (which she also knew). Why on Earth would we need/want to embalm her? What is going to be left? Why embalm someone that's going to be cremated?
She then asked what kind of container we wanted for her ashes. We hadn't given that any thought, so my dad asked "what are the options?" Her first suggestion was a gold-lined box for $900. Are you fucking kidding me? $900? For a box no one will ever see, ever? When that suggestion was dismissed, she quite condescendingly suggest a "cardboard box" for $15.
The absurdity of what was going on, of what we were talking about, combined with deep sorrow and grief, and I couldn't take it. I had to get up and walk around the grounds for a while.
Trying to upsell us, and implying that we obviously didn't love my mom if we weren't going to spend ridiculous amounts of money on nonsense was infuriating. It's a total racket, based on exploiting your grief.
My wife and I have told our kids to cremate us and spread our ashes wherever. It doesn't matter.
That won't be us in the boxes, anyway.
We're the only species in nature that produces its own vultures.
I am so sorry you went through that.
I remember my sister-in-law, Liane, and I having to leave the room when arrangements were being made for her dad. Having nowhere else to go, we went upstairs to the casket showroom(!) Being smartasses, we made jokes about all of them, but one sent us into hysterical laughter. It was all GOLD with stereo speakers(!) by the pillow and other useless and ostentatious shit I don't remember anymore. It was an *insane* amount of money.
A few months later, Liane calls me up, laughing her ass off. They had just shown James Brown's funeral *and that was his coffin*!
I miss Liane.
Been there, dude. It is pretty fucking despicable. When we got my Dad cremated, they tried to sell my mom on getting "diamond" jewelry made from his ashes so she could wear it/him around her neck, for a "mere" $2000. Mom, being, well Mom, just blinked and stared back. "WHY THE HELL WOULD I WANT THAT??" She brought the urn she had already bought, and they kept trying to upsell her to something ridiculously expensive.
The only thing they did that I thought was nice was that they gave her an American flag, since Dad was a vet. But then when we saw it, Mom was upset because they folded it incorrectly, so it looked rather sloppy. Hubby had to take the case apart, fold it properly and then put it back. So the one "freebie" she got actually just upset her even more.
With my friends, the roasting is a given.
I've seen this suggested as a way to figure out what kind of person one wishes to be, so I approach it that way, with a bit of influence as well from the book Speaker for the Dead.
I hope people say I was a good friend. That I was funny and kind and compassionate. That I loved animals and was fiercely loyal to the people I loved. That I was a Big Damn Geek and proud of it. That I stayed curious and always kept trying to learn new things.
I also hope they say that I was a loudmouth who had to learn tact and usually struggled with it. That I dealt with depression - sometimes not well. That my emotions, especially anger and fear, often got the better of me. That I could be stupid and thoughtless, but when you brought it to my attention, I usually apologized and tried to do better. That I was often too hard on myself and blamed myself for things long after others had forgotten about them. That I could be incredibly stubborn. That I was more like my mom than I wanted to admit. That I hoped for a better world but often despaired of it being possible.
I hope they say I was a pretty good human and they'll remember me.
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Most of the big UK religions don't donate organs, as noted by the fact that some of the bigger cathedrals and churches have had the same organs for centuries.
Aye thang yaw. Lol
I do know some people that are against organ transplants for religious reasons.
That's not to say that their religion is against it, just their personal interpretation of it.
There's no practical reason not to do it. Anyone who demands to be lowered into the ground (or furnace) with usable organs inside them, aside for religious reasons (and I know of no religions that demand it) are ridiculously selfish.
This is about where I'd be jailed for assault for smacking her upside the head. Or at least shouting a lot of potty words at her.
More serious, I plan to pick my own urn, and express in my will that I expect it to be used.
Good one.
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These assholes are trained to shame grieving, distraught people into buying the most expensive crap that they provide with a mark-up that is only matched in hotel mini-bars!!!
I'll say one thing that really helped with Dad's passing---the local Hospice group, Hospice Austin. I had always thought that their services were for lower-income families. Mom is pretty well-off, so I was surprised when they contacted her. Dad's doctor had contacted them on her behalf. They helped Mom find a good Alzheimer's/end of life care home very nearby, got him a bed (the home would have charged her for getting Dad a special hospital bed; Hospice got her one for free), and they came to her house to talk and provided her a list of what they considered "reasonable/expected" funeral rates--hall rentals, coffins, cremations, flowers, catering, --- so an elderly person like her wouldn't get completely ripped off. We took that list with us when we planned the funeral and it was extremely useful.
The Hospice group was really, really helpful for my mom. They really looked after her.
The Hospice group was really, really helpful for my mom. They really looked after her.
Yes.
My younger sister was in hospice for about a month before she died.
The whole team was just incredible. I can’t imagine what that process would have been like without them.
Angels, every single one of them.
Clearly, like every other industry, there are people on both ends of the moral spectrum.
That's why it's got to have a living will, and tell your next of kin what you want, and why. I remember reading about a person who said they wanted simple cremation, but their heirs wound up giving them a lavish and expensive burial and funeral. Some predation by the funeral home there?
That's why it's got to have a living will, and tell your next of kin what you want, and why. I remember reading about a person who said they wanted simple cremation, but their heirs wound up giving them a lavish and expensive burial and funeral. Some predation by the funeral home there?
