Friends with Harm
- Thread starter apostle83
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Yeah, I do, without a doubt (assuming this isn't technically related to the other thread and we're just talking about friends). He can be a nice person at times, but he's a complete liability when other people are around and it feels like I have to spend the entire time apologizing for him.
E
Elmo Dukat
Guest
Yes. I'm friends with an ex from high school, and he's a total pain in the ass. Manipulative. Controlling. He's a nice guy on the outside, but in the end, if he's not controlling you, he's not interested. This goes for all his friends, not just the ones he used to date, though he screws with us the worst. I've been lucky since he's been in Africa for the past few years.
I also have a few very rude friends, who think that because of the length of our friendship, they can make blunt and offensive comments about me in public.
I've tried to cut off the rude/jerky friends I have, but it's actually harder than it seems at first, because so many of my other "good" friendships are connected through them.
I also have a few very rude friends, who think that because of the length of our friendship, they can make blunt and offensive comments about me in public.
I've tried to cut off the rude/jerky friends I have, but it's actually harder than it seems at first, because so many of my other "good" friendships are connected through them.
Nope. For a friend to do me harm I'd have to allow them to. I've managed to figure out on a very base level the important things in life, and the ones I can worry about. People are going to be assholes in life but I can't stop them, I can only try to give them an example of how to live.
I agree with this.
And I have negated most of the harm any of my "bad" friends could cause me by coming to terms with those aspects of their personalities and not allowing myself to get into any situations with them which may bring those negative traits to the fore.
It's not a perfect system by any means, but it's held up pretty well so far.
I have one friend in particular who's quite harmful, but mostly just to himself. He's bipolar but refuses to be medicated or treated in any way (his family forced treatment and hospitalization on him as a teenager, so I think he's against it). He's very self-destructive. He angers people on a regular basis. His family really doesn't want to have anything to do with him and have labeled him as the "black sheep". The bastard has a trust fund (for which he doesn't have control over, thankfully) which pays his rent every month. If and when he has a job, he blows his cash on weed, booze and cigarettes and occasionally plays poker (and loses). He lives in a crappy, dirty apartment. He doesn't bother to clean up after himself. Basically, the guy is pushing 30 but acts like he's 12.
He has an equally-troubled girlfriend who only stays with him out of necessity (it's a free place to live). The two get into fights constantly. There have been incidents where they've physically hurt one another. The police have been called. He's been taken away. This guy complains about how much his life sucks, but he's too lazy, immature, selfish and emotionally-unstable to do anything to turn it around. I'm getting to the point where I don't want to be around him anymore. I don't care how much his life sucks. If he won't listen to reason and acknowledge that he needs help, then I'm not going to worry about whether or not he fucks up for the rest of his life.
He has an equally-troubled girlfriend who only stays with him out of necessity (it's a free place to live). The two get into fights constantly. There have been incidents where they've physically hurt one another. The police have been called. He's been taken away. This guy complains about how much his life sucks, but he's too lazy, immature, selfish and emotionally-unstable to do anything to turn it around. I'm getting to the point where I don't want to be around him anymore. I don't care how much his life sucks. If he won't listen to reason and acknowledge that he needs help, then I'm not going to worry about whether or not he fucks up for the rest of his life.
I had one that was always a bit on the strange side. She was a horse nut and extremely competitive. But we at first welcomed her into our circle of college friends.
Then she turned completely insane. She had it in her head that she had to have a boyfriend so she'd just start dating some poor guy for the status of having one I guess. Well at the same time I started dating my now Husband and she turned it into a competition. I would daily get nasty comments like "You can't possibly love and miss him as much as I miss my guy" and things like that.
I think it really got under her skin that we were really in love and she was with a placeholder. I suspect she knows that I got married long before she did, so I guess that means I won.
Then she turned completely insane. She had it in her head that she had to have a boyfriend so she'd just start dating some poor guy for the status of having one I guess. Well at the same time I started dating my now Husband and she turned it into a competition. I would daily get nasty comments like "You can't possibly love and miss him as much as I miss my guy" and things like that.
I think it really got under her skin that we were really in love and she was with a placeholder. I suspect she knows that I got married long before she did, so I guess that means I won.
If people harm me, they aren't my friends. Sometimes there are boundary issues, but those can always be worked out with communication. I've stopped being the friend people can kick around and don't put up with that shit. I am willing to help out friends, but if I get a sense of being used, I tell them to fuck off.
Yep. I've ended friendships with people who either try to use me as a means to an end or don't treat me as well as I've treated them.
QFT
I don't have the time or energy to waste on someone who doesn't value my friendship. I know that sounds cold and harsh, and I guess it is. But if you are my friend, you will know it completely. And I expect the same in return.
I eliminate people that are negatives in my life
Life is not too short or anything like that... but it is much too precious to allow yourself to be weighed down by some sense of commitment to people that are only holding you back.
Eliminate them like take them off your Christmas card list, or eliminate them like dump their bodies in the river?
I don't have any friends that do more harm than good. My roommate is like a brother to me and therefore we can drive each other pretty crazy, plus he can be quite an asshole, but that's par for the course and doesn't outweigh the positives.
I don't have any friends that do more harm than good. My roommate is like a brother to me and therefore we can drive each other pretty crazy, plus he can be quite an asshole, but that's par for the course and doesn't outweigh the positives.
If this is a response to the "Friends With Benefits" Thread, it should be called "Friends With Drawbacks" and should be about friends who prevent you from having sex. 
No, I don't have any friends like that. I wouldn't want any, really.
I agree with this statement wholeheartedly. Ages ago, I had harmful friends. I had an epiphany one day and decided to clear out the ones that were bad, one way or another. I've been happier ever since.
I will say that I have one "friend" from another board that I have corresponded with for years. He is heading down the path of "harm" at this point. I'm sorry for that. I'll miss him if he doesn't turn his ass around.
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