Forget about the premise for a minute and think of the crew...

[msbae]

Here's that premise I promised... (Try saying that 5 times fast!)

Premise Notes for Invicta story idea...​

• Post-Dominion War setting, circa 2385.

• Most of the Alpha Quadrant is still rebuilding, even though the war ended years ago.

• Starfleet’s resources are still strained with regard to personnel and ships.

• Many ships have been pulled from science and exploration and reassigned to patrol duty along the frontier, which occasionally includes Invicta. Sometimes these assignments are temporary, sometimes they aren't.

• The whole quadrant has reverted to what Federation Sociologists have labeled an ‘Ancient West’ mentality. This refers to the period on Late 19th Century Earth where the United States expanded from the Atlantic to the Pacific Coasts of North America.

• The ‘Ancient West’ mentality gripping the galaxy includes many criminal elements. Some of which include; Privateers, Cardassian and/or Romulan Mercenaries ( These mercenaries will be our story equivalent to ex-Confederate soldiers going out west and becoming ‘Guns for hire’), Orion Space Pirates, Ferengi Smugglers, and illegal arms dealers trading dangerous surplus military hardware from all sides in the war.

• The arms dealers worry Starfleet the most. That’s why a rough man like Mortillaro was given command of a large and powerful vessel like the Invicta. The Galaxy class received many enhancements in its wartime class-wide refit, including multi-phasic shields that guard against the Jem’Hadar’s Phased Polaron beams. It should now have enough firepower to singlehandedly defeat any known foe, except the Borg.

• Invicta’s current assignment is patrol duty, usually along the border with the rapidly disintegrating Cardassian Union and/or the Romulan Star Empire.

• The Romulan Empire is still reeling from what happened during Shinzon’s brief reign and may be on the verge of a civil war. Starfleet (obviously) considers the growing instability on Romulus to be of great concern.

• Mortillaro will occasionally perform secret espionage missions for Starfleet Command, usually in Romulan Territory since he can blend in with the natives so well. This could be a golden opportunity to re-introduce popular Romulan characters like Commander Sela and Donatra.

Sorry it isn't in prose format but, I do have other things I need to get done in life. The Christmas shopping, charity and job hunting don't handle themselves.

 

[MicahBrack]

Great premise. Good work, msbae.

 

[iguana_tonante]

I'll give my opinions:

Captain Marcus Mortillaro –

Smells suspiciously like a Mary Sue to me. It doesn't mean it can't be done wonderfully (I'm thinking about Mackenzie Calhoun, for example), but it needs really an hell of a writer to do it right. So I would be careful with all the skills and mysteries, but I would not dismiss it out of hand.

I like the Sicilian angle (well, being part Sicilian myself). The mob jokes could be funny. I'm torn on the blackmail: it's interesting, but surely I wouldn't want a man like that on the bridge of a starship. If I may give a suggestion, I would make the blackmail only a rumor, while the real reason was that he did something unsavory but necessary for the Admiral during his secret service tenure, but for secrecy sake they let people buy into the rumor.

Executive Officer

I actually like the idea.

Science Officer/Ops Manager

I'm not opposed to the sexuality angle (she just sounds like a normal twenty-something to me), but I would not make this the only point of the character. Give her some more depth and she would be a fine character.
But leave "sly reference" to abortion out of it. Even for those who agree with it, it's not something you joke about.

CMO

I agree with others, the lapsed Catholic angle is a bit all-too-common nowadays, but it could be done well. It's not your usual Star Trek take on human religion, but I'm not opposed to it: it's your interpretation, so have fun with it. However, I can't see how he would "berate" the Ops manager given that she's a Trill, with different customs and sexual mores. I could buy a religious human in Star Trek, but not a bigot one. Make that grumbling half-joking remarks, like McCoy's with Spock, and it should be ok.

Ship’s Counselor

Seems like her only job is being fascinated with the other characters. Give her a real history and a real job.

Chief Engineer

An ok character, have the possibility of being be very good. As I said, I like the Sicilian angle, but the dynamics with the Captain sound a bit too much like Archer/Trip, so I would be careful not to rip-off too much.

Navigator

Nothing really new, but she's the second character with a "natural gift" after the Chief Engineer: not everyone has to be a kid prodigy.

Tactical Officer/Security Chief

Too much enigma wrapped around a mystery doused in a good deal of unknown. I would tone it down. And she sounds like a prick (but maybe that's the point of the character).

I hope it could help.

 

[msbae]

Great premise. Good work, msbae.

Thanks. That's the easy part.

I'll give my opinions:

Captain Marcus Mortillaro –

Smells suspiciously like a Mary Sue to me. It doesn't mean it can't be done wonderfully (I'm thinking about Mackenzie Calhoun, for example), but it needs really an hell of a writer to do it right. So I would be careful with all the skills and mysteries, but I would not dismiss it out of hand.

I like the Sicilian angle (well, being part Sicilian myself). The mob jokes could be funny. I'm torn on the blackmail: it's interesting, but surely I wouldn't want a man like that on the bridge of a starship. If I may give a suggestion, I would make the blackmail only a rumor, while the real reason was that he did something unsavory but necessary for the Admiral during his secret service tenure, but for secrecy sake they let people buy into the rumor.

The blackmail has never been anything but rumor. It says so in the brief dossier on the captain. The name is something I've been wanting to use for a character for some time. I like the name Marcus and Mortillaro was the last name of a great uncle of mine. Marcus Mortillaro has good alliteration and it's memorable.

Executive Officer

I actually like the idea.

I still think he needs a little more meat on his proverbial bones.

Science Officer/Ops Manager

I'm not opposed to the sexuality angle (she just sounds like a normal twenty-something to me), but I would not make this the only point of the character. Give her some more depth and she would be a fine character.
But leave "sly reference" to abortion out of it. Even for those who agree with it, it's not something you joke about.

What abortion jokes? The 'sly references' were about the doctor having to occasionally give her the 24th century equivalent to a shot of penicillin.

CMO

I agree with others, the lapsed Catholic angle is a bit all-too-common nowadays, but it could be done well. It's not your usual Star Trek take on human religion, but I'm not opposed to it: it's your interpretation, so have fun with it. However, I can't see how he would "berate" the Ops manager given that she's a Trill, with different customs and sexual mores. I could buy a religious human in Star Trek, but not a bigot one. Make that grumbling half-joking remarks, like McCoy's with Spock, and it should be ok.

This one is easy to solve. I'll make him a Unitarian Universalist who's faith in the goodness of people is shattered by the wartime experiences. His exchanges with the 'adventurous' Science Officer will sound like a doctor who's tired of fixing the same problem again and again. I might make him sound like a parent admonishing a child too.

How about this little exchange:

DOCTOR: Is there anyone on board you haven't at least made a pass at, young lady?

SCIENCE OFFICER (with a rather coy attitude): Don't worry daddy, I'm not a slut.

Counselor

Seems like her only job is being fascinated with the other characters. Give her a real history and a real job.

And yet, she still has more to her than Troi did in Next Gen's first season.

She'll get more of a personality over time, probably acting as a conscience for our Captain. Being a spy, he'll need someone to help keep him morally grounded.

Chief Engineer

An ok character, have the possibility of being be very good. As I said, I like the Sicilian angle, but the dynamics with the Captain sound a bit too much like Archer/Trip, so I would be careful not to rip-off too much.

I thought they'd be more like 007 & Q. Except this time 007 is the elder one and brings back his gadgets in one piece.

Navigator
Nothing really new, but she's the second character with a "natural gift" after the Chief Engineer: not everyone has to be a kid prodigy.

Not everyone will be, either. I think of her as a scared little girl that the Captain will help mentor over time. We may discover that she's not so much of a prodigy but, was taught to fly from an early age by a relative/guardian who was also a pilot.

Tactical Officer/Security Chief
Too much enigma wrapped around a mystery doused in a good deal of unknown. I would tone it down. And she sounds like a prick (but maybe that's the point of the character).

She's supposed to mysteriously vague in her interactions with the rest of the crew. She's Mortillaro's partner in crime on some of his espionage missions, often going with him. You might think of her as the Luca Brasi to Mortillaro's Don Corleone, except far less barbarous.

I hope it could help.

Yes, you were quite helpful. Thank you. I like the idea of Mortillaro doing something for Jellico and using the rumor as a cover story. That's brilliant. Now, I just have to figure out what it is that he did for the 'most pompous ass in the Admiralty.'

 

[msbae]

A few character updates...

Executive Officer –

• Human male in his Mid-30’s of German descent.

• Born and raised in Bonn to a Farmer who was also a Gunsmith. Making custom firearms was only a hobby for him.

• Shares his father’s hobby.

• His hobby is one of the reasons Mortillaro picked him to be the Invicta's XO.

• An efficient but, overly bureaucratic officer. Very uptight, often seeming ‘uncomfortable in his own skin’

• He wants his own command but, wonders if his lack of people skills will prevent this from occurring one day.

• He didn’t join Starfleet to explore like most people. He joined as a way to be of service to society as a whole.

• Often thinks of the needs of society over the needs of the individual, like most Germans are prone to do.

CMO –

• A Middle-aged Human in his 50’s

• He’s a Unitarian Universalist that leans toward agnosticism.

• He had extensive experience in the War as a field medic for MASH units and as the CMO on a hospital ship.

• He’s become rather cynical because of his war experiences, which shook his faith to the core. He often wonders if there’s really a God or not. Sometimes suspects that God might be dead.

• He often berates the Science Officer/Ops Manager for her ‘sexual deviancy’; telling her that she’ll ‘Get sick’ or ‘Get herself into trouble.’ He does this more because he’s tired of constantly performing STD tests on her than any kind of moral issue. Truth be told though, he’s not happy with her ‘libertine’ lifestyle.

 

[iguana_tonante]

The blackmail has never been anything but rumor. It says so in the brief dossier on the captain. The name is something I've been wanting to use for a character for some time. I like the name Marcus and Mortillaro was the last name of a great uncle of mine. Marcus Mortillaro has good alliteration and it's memorable.

Agreed on all count. Maybe his old relatives may call him Marcuzzu (Lil' Marco in Sicilian), much to his desperation.

I still think he needs a little more meat on his proverbial bones.

Yeah, but I like the direction you are taking him. I like the new updates very much, too.

What abortion jokes? The 'sly references' were about the doctor having to occasionally give her the 24th century equivalent to a shot of penicillin.

I was talking about your line "She may be needling him a little by making a sly reference to an abortion, which the doctor would find morally abhorrent."

And yet, she still has more to her than Troi did in Next Gen's first season.

Well, that's true.

She'll get more of a personality over time, probably acting as a conscience for our Captain. Being a spy, he'll need someone to help keep him morally grounded.

Yes, that should be good and needed.

Not everyone will be, either. I think of her as a scared little girl that the Captain will help mentor over time. We may discover that she's not so much of a prodigy but, was taught to fly from an early age by a relative/guardian who was also a pilot.

Good guess, I like that.

She's supposed to mysteriously vague in her interactions with the rest of the crew. She's Mortillaro's partner in crime on some of his espionage missions, often going with him. You might think of her as the Luca Brasi to Mortillaro's Don Corleone, except far less barbarous.

Yes, I get that. I just suggest to give resolution to her mysteries, at least over time.

Yes, you were quite helpful. Thank you. I like the idea of Mortillaro doing something for Jellico and using the rumor as a cover story. That's brilliant. Now, I just have to figure out what it is that he did for the 'most pompous ass in the Admiralty.'

My pleasure. The brainstorming is always my favourite part of bringing up a story. It's the actual writing that just takes too much time!

 

[msbae]

Agreed on all count. Maybe his old relatives may call him Marcuzzu (Lil' Marco in Sicilian), much to his desperation.

Nah... His mother will be the Vulcan and no self-respecting Sicilian Man would use a silly little nickname like that for his son.

Yeah, but I like the direction you are taking him. I like the new updates very much, too.

Then I guess the Exec's only remaining problem is that he needs a name. The same goes for every other character except the Captain.

I was talking about your line "She may be needling him a little by making a sly reference to an abortion, which the doctor would find morally abhorrent."

I'd forgotten about that one. That part will be deleted from the actually story.

She's supposed to mysteriously vague in her interactions with the rest of the crew. She's Mortillaro's partner in crime on some of his espionage missions, often going with him. You might think of her as the Luca Brasi to Mortillaro's Don Corleone, except far less barbarous.

Yes, I get that. I just suggest to give resolution to her mysteries, at least over time.

That is what normally happens in these situations...

My pleasure. The brainstorming is always my favourite part of bringing up a story. It's the actual writing that just takes too much time!

The Writing starts as soon as I have names for the characters. I have developed a preliminary idea for the 1st story. I'll post that on December 26th.

 

[msbae]

Here's the story idea I promised...

I.) Romulan Coup de tat... (Working Title)

- After saving a freighter from an attack by Orion pirates, the Invicta receives a top priority coded signal from Starfleet Command. It's Rear Admiral Jellico, director of Starfleet Intelligence. He has orders for Mortillaro to enter Romulan territory near the Kaleb sector, where there are few patrols. Mortillaro is then to proceed to the Romulan world Yadalla Prime in Sector 2158 to extract a Federation informant working with the local Romulan archeologists. The informant has critical information about a potential coup in the Romulan Senate by a conservative faction hostile to the Federation and Klingons.

- Following the informant's debriefing by Mortillaro and his Tactical officer on the Invicta, they make their report to Starfleet Command. Jellico gives them orders to head to DS9, where he will meet them (using his old ship, the USS Cairo) and escort the informant back to 'a secure location.'

- Per Jellico's orders, the Invicta will also receive a little 'field upgrade' while at DS9 in the form of a new Federation cloaking device. Since the Romulans & Federation are now officially considered to be friends, the Treaty of Algeron has been updated. The Federation may now use cloaking devices but, only for stealth purposes. the Inter-phasing technology is still forbidden. (Naturally, Starfleet Intelligence and Sector 31's new cloaking device does have the Inter-phasing technology. The Invicta's new cloak will have it too.)

- The Invicta will then proceed to Romulus under cloak via the lightly patrolled Kaleb sector, to avoid the possibility of detection.

- After stopping the coup by assassinating a few of the Romulan Admirals involved (and exposing the rest to the Pro-peace members of the Senate), Mortillaro finds evidence of there being some group manipulating the conspirators from behind the scenes. He's not sure if it's even a group of Romulans or not. He is quite sure that it's not the Remans again since the Romulan Senate cracked down on them after Shinzon's near-disastrous reign. He reports his findings to Jellico via secured subspace channel once the Invicta is back in Federation space.

How am I doing so far? I can start writing the moment I have names for all the characters.

 

[DonIago]

Sounds more like a Section 31 book than a Star Trek book.
Also, you only talk about the captain...what's the rest of the crew doing/thinking while all this is going on?

 

[msbae]

Sounds more like a Section 31 book than a Star Trek book.
Also, you only talk about the captain...what's the rest of the crew doing/thinking while all this is going on?

I'll figure that out as I write the story. That's one of the things that makes writing fun for me. Also, I added a few things to the characters that isn't in this thread. For example, the XO being one of the people who developed the TR-116 for Starfleet Security earlier in his career.

Finally, all the characters have names now. They are as follows:

Commanding Officer - Captain Marcus Mortillaro
Executive Officer – Commander Johann Krause
Science Officer/Ops Manager – Kyla Lucretius
CMO – Dr. Robert Jenner
Ship’s Counselor – Ensign Karen Beck
Chief Engineer – Lieutenant Commander Michael Andolini
Navigator – Ensign Alison Lancaster
Tactical Officer/Security Chief – Lieutenant Martina Jacova

Writing starts whenever I motivate myself to start.

 

[msbae]

Looks like the name Invicta was used before in a Role-playing Game...

http://startrek.wikia.com/wiki/USS_Invicta_(NCC-26246)

 

[Wowbagger]

*Every* name has been used before in an RPG. There are thousands of RP's out there. Some use very obscure names. Some use very obvious names.

Like Excelsior... <__<

But enough about me. If you came up with the name Invicta yourself, independently of an obscure RPG, you should feel no guilt about using it.

EDIT: References to abortion are never funny. Ever. Furthermore, I'm radically pro-life, but I would hope that, even if it somehow remained legal in the 24th century, the end of poverty, suffering, and human need would finally do away with abortion anyway. "Safe, legal, and rare" would become "safe, legal, and totally unnecessary," and abortion, like slavery, would fade into mankind's uneasy past of necessary evils that have since been done away with.

Basically, the flip attitude towards the idea there just doesn't sit well, and it doesn't feel right.

I'd say postive things to counterbalance my negativity, but I'm in a rush. Imagine positive things after this point.

 

[DonIago]

Provided there was a form of birth control that was 100% effective, and a way of ensuring that those who wished to took it did 100% of the time, I would agree that abortion would be an unnecessary option.

However, as far as late DS9 we're shown that accidental pregnancy can and does happen.

 

[msbae]

*Every* name has been used before in an RPG. There are thousands of RP's out there. Some use very obscure names. Some use very obvious names.

Like Excelsior... <__<

But enough about me. If you came up with the name Invicta yourself, independently of an obscure RPG, you should feel no guilt about using it.

EDIT: References to abortion are never funny. Ever. Furthermore, I'm radically pro-life, but I would hope that, even if it somehow remained legal in the 24th century, the end of poverty, suffering, and human need would finally do away with abortion anyway. "Safe, legal, and rare" would become "safe, legal, and totally unnecessary," and abortion, like slavery, would fade into mankind's uneasy past of necessary evils that have since been done away with.

Basically, the flip attitude towards the idea there just doesn't sit well, and it doesn't feel right.

I'd say postive things to counterbalance my negativity, but I'm in a rush. Imagine positive things after this point.

Provided there was a form of birth control that was 100% effective, and a way of ensuring that those who wished to took it did 100% of the time, I would agree that abortion would be an unnecessary option.

However, as far as late DS9 we're shown that accidental pregnancy can and does happen.

I did come up with the name Invicta independent of some RPG game. I first found the name while reading a Wiki article for an old car from Buick. It looks like name might be making a comeback too. That would make Buick an excellent sponsor if this idea became a TV Show or Film.

The 'abortion' thing has already been dropped from the plan. I'm not even sure why it was there since that is a pretty bad idea.

 

[USS Triumphant]

Furthermore, I'm radically pro-life, but I would hope that, even if it somehow remained legal in the 24th century, the end of poverty, suffering, and human need would finally do away with abortion anyway. "Safe, legal, and rare" would become "safe, legal, and totally unnecessary," and abortion, like slavery, would fade into mankind's uneasy past of necessary evils that have since been done away with.

I'm very much pro-choice, and I'm going to agree with your infinitely-prolonged self 100%

24th century technology, and the 99.9999999% effective and EASY contraception it would make possible really strongly argues to me that anyone who would get accidentally pregnant under those circumstances would almost have to be trying to screw up, and having a baby tubed for other potential parents who would want any such child would be easy, too. Seems like with the exception of the almost certainly extraordinarily rare situation where a rapist intentionally negates the contraception of their victim specifically to get them pregnant, it would be a crime to commit an abortion under those circumstances. And even then, the baby could still have just been tubed.

 

[msbae]

I already said the abortion thing was aborted already!

Give it a rest!

 

[USS Triumphant]

I already said the abortion thing was aborted already!

Give it a rest!

You act like you think this is your thread or something.

 

[Wowbagger]

Furthermore, I'm radically pro-life, but I would hope that, even if it somehow remained legal in the 24th century, the end of poverty, suffering, and human need would finally do away with abortion anyway.

I'm very much pro-choice, and I'm going to agree with your infinitely-prolonged self 100%

Whoohoo! We found common ground! And you know what my name references! *hug*

Sorry about your thread, msbae. Sounds like you're in the clear on Invicta, so enjoy the pants off of it.

 

[msbae]

Furthermore, I'm radically pro-life, but I would hope that, even if it somehow remained legal in the 24th century, the end of poverty, suffering, and human need would finally do away with abortion anyway.

I'm very much pro-choice, and I'm going to agree with your infinitely-prolonged self 100%

Whoohoo! We found common ground! And you know what my name references! *hug*

Sorry about your thread, msbae. Sounds like you're in the clear on Invicta, so enjoy the pants off of it.

I intend to... [/startsevilplotting]

 

[hellsgate]

Sounds closer to a "Star Traks" story than a serious post-Dominion War "Titan" era story. Get writing, fer cryin' out loud!