I'd find links to descriptions of what the standards are for scripts helpful.
I think you'll find with the exception of the last two paragraphs that those are industry "standards" as are these:
http://www.oscars.org/sites/default/files/scriptsample.pdf
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Charlie’s Angels
JOHN AUGUST — REVISED BEAT SHEET
Please note some details are still marked TBD. Don’t think of them as “To Be Determined,” think “To Be Delightful” once written.
- Opening set piece, basically as written (BIG ACTION BEAT #1)
- Rocking title sequence
- Angels at home, all get calls:
- Dylan wakes up with her old boyfriend, horrified that they hooked up yet again.
- Alex in the trailer with her actor boyfriend, rehearsing his lines. “I have to go save the world again.”
- Natalie’s dysfunctional love life, details TBD.
- At the office: handsome young technology entrepreneur CHARLIE KNOX has been kidnapped. The angels are hired to find him by LUCY LIU, who runs his business affairs. We learn that Knox Technology has an Initial Public Offering scheduled in three days. If word of Knox’ kidnapping get out, the IPO will go south. The angels have to get Knox back in time or the company could lose almost a billion dollars.
Charlie sends the Angels undercover:
- Alex and Bosley go undercover as a married couple at a Palm Springs spa to stake out Knox’s ex-business partner CORWIN from Red Star Systems. They had a messy break-up, and are now bitter rivals. Corwin may have had Knox kidnapped in order to destroy his company.
A mostly-comedic sequence, but someone tries to drown a too-nosy Bosley in the mud bath. Alex rescues him just in time.
- Natalie and Dylan go undercover to the place where Knox was kidnapped, details TBD. [It may be a Starbucks, or a hotel, etc. Some service industry job.]
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While there, Natalie meets really great co-worker MATT. An immediate attraction, they make plans for a date. When something explodes (sabotage), Natalie saves Matt. BIG ACTION BEAT #2 as Natalie and Dylan go after the SABOTEUR. He gets away, but drops an important clue: his cell phone. The last few numbers dialed are to...
- A MOUNTAIN RESORT. The angels are back undercover in yet-to-be- determined roles in order to rescue Knox — which they succeed in doing. This is BIG ACTION BEATS #3 and #4. No, there does not need to be snow, but there is a major stunt involving a Volkswagen and a bobsled run. Trust me, you’ll love it. This brings us to the end of the first act, and back to...
- LOS ANGELES, where at the office, Knox hires the angels to (A) prove Red Star System had him kidnapped and (B) serve as his bodyguards until the IPO.
- Angels are back undercover in a series of jobs and locations, including:
- Alex in a corporate Red Star job, as an incredibly sexy efficiency expert.
- Natalie at a Red Star-sponsored car racing event. Spotting the Saboteur from earlier, Natalie goes after him. It’s a car chase through the streets of Los Angeles, but in Formula One racing cars. (BIG ACTION BEAT #5)
- Serving as Knox’ body guard, Dylan hooks up with him. For a man who has made his fortune off computers, he hates them. They’ve made the world impersonal, robbed people of their identity.
- Natalie keeps missing her dates with Matt because of work stuff. She convinces him to give her one more shot.
- In a clever con that relies on split-second timing, the angels succeed in installing a transmitter in the Red Star mainframe that will enable them to hack into their computer, gaining access to their files (so they can prove Red Star kidnapped Knox). This is BIG ACTION BEAT #6.
- Learning of the angels success, Lucy Liu tells the Saboteur (aha! they’re connected): Now that we have access to Red Star’s computer, we can proceed with the plan.
What do we do about the angels? They’ll figure out they were duped.
Then kill them first, she says. (IMPORTANT NOTE: At this point, we don’t know whether Lucy Liu is acting on her own, or whether Knox is involved.)
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- The angels find themselves the targets of assassins, barely escaping with their lives. While on a date with Matt, Natalie is dodging bullets. (BIG ACTION BEAT #7)
- The Charles Townsend Detective Agency is blown to smithereens. (BIG ACTION BEAT #8) Of course, no one dies.
- Dylan, trying to protect Knox, discovers he’s the bad guy. As he’s escaping, he says he’s found out who Charlie is. It turns out he’s a Laker fan. He’s at the game right now. There’s a bomb under his seat.
- At the Forum, the angels have to find Charlie, but they have no idea what he looks like. They desperately try to find him before the clock runs out, the bomb goes off, and thousands of innocent people are killed. (BIG ACTION BEAT #9) The clock hits zero, but instead of an explosion, there’s a blackout.
- Not just inside, but the entire city. As the angels go outside, we see lights flashing in skyscraper windows, forming strange designs. Through the patch the angels installed at Red Star, Knox has re-coded the electrical grid for Los Angeles. He’s in control.
It seems that all the angels have to do is reveal the patch. But no. The giant sign outside the forum lights up to spell: “WHERE’S BOSLEY?”
Knox has Bosley, and will kill him if the angels reveal the secret.
- Knox covered his tracks well, but the resourceful angels discover a yet-to- be determined clue that points them to Knox and his base of operations in...
- HAWAII. Dressed in their hot-weather gear, the angels infiltrate the secret compound, notable for its giant windmills that power it. In a disguise that almost works, Dylan gets inside but is captured. Or did she want to be captured?
- Dylan awakes, tied to a chair. As per the current script, she tells her guards how she’s going to kick their ass, then proceeds to do it. (BIG ACTION BEAT #10)
- Natalie is in a martial-arts battle with Lucy Liu when Natalie’s cell-phone rings. It’s Matt. She has a conversation with him while fighting. (BIG ACTION BEAT #11)
- Alex rescues Bosley, but at every turn he gets them into greater danger. They survive, but Bosley thinks he was the hero.
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- In a final battle, Knox is killed by his windmills. The angels walk away with fireballs exploding in the background. (BIG ACTION BEAT #12)
- Coda: the angels kicking back on the beach. Bosley is sunburned. Matt is walking up with drinks.
Charlie is on the speakerphone, congratulations on a job well-done. We end on a randy joke, freeze-frame.
THE END.
A NOTE ON VILLAIN MOTIVATION:
Knox needs the angels in order to infiltrate Red Star Systems and install the transmitter. He fakes his kidnapping so that the angels will get on his side and believe that Red Star is the enemy.
When we first realize Knox is the true villain, we think it’s because he has a beef against Red Star. But when he blacks out the city, we realize he has a bigger goal.
Knox feels technology has robbed people of their identity. The modern world is all about the network, the team, the group-think, which ultimately robs people of their individuality. Humanity has become enslaved to its technology — we work for it. From the power grid that keeps us warm, to the media that tell us what to think, the individual person has become irrelevant.
His goal is the destruction of the U.S. power system by means of a pulse that will result in a nation-wide blackout. He set the seeds for it years ago when as an employee at Red Star, he wrote the software that made the power grid more efficient. Hacking back into it, he’s found the means to destroy it.
In his twisted version of reality, by blacking out the country, he will liberate the common man. True, hundreds of thousands of people will die as a result, but he sees it as part of the greater good.
The themes of individuality and identity carry over into (a) the angels, who are both individuals and a team, (b) their constant cons and disguises, (c) the abduction of Charlie, the leader they’ve never met, and (d) Knox himself, the paper billionaire who built the network in order to destroy it, and played the victim in order to become the villain.
Forgive the bump, but with the recently really lackluster scripts from various fan films (Axanar, Phase II, Continues, Dominion, and Equinox come immediately to mind)
Forgive the bump, but with the recently really lackluster scripts from various fan films (Axanar, Phase II, Continues, Dominion, and Equinox come immediately to mind)
So... Axanar (Prelude, presumably) and Continues "come immediately to mind" for you in the same breath as Equinox? No accounting for taste, I suppose...
Forgive the bump, but with the recently really lackluster scripts from various fan films (Axanar, Phase II, Continues, Dominion, and Equinox come immediately to mind)
So... Axanar (Prelude, presumably) and Continues "come immediately to mind" for you in the same breath as Equinox? No accounting for taste, I suppose...
Here's an article making the rounds on social media, all about writing your story, and when you should probably start it. Might be of some worth to read to anyone interested: http://www.vox.com/2015/6/28/8858483/humans-review-amc
Forgive the bump, but with the recently really lackluster scripts from various fan films (Axanar, Phase II, Continues, Dominion, and Equinox come immediately to mind)
So... Axanar (Prelude, presumably) and Continues "come immediately to mind" for you in the same breath as Equinox? No accounting for taste, I suppose...
Forgive me BigJake, but I do not see the need for such a backhanded and personal attack.
Ryan Thomas Riddle said:Even the high-standard productions — PII/NV, Continues, etc. — suffer from the same story problems. That's not to say they haven't produced good work, but that there's still room for improvement.
So... Axanar (Prelude, presumably) and Continues "come immediately to mind" for you in the same breath as Equinox? No accounting for taste, I suppose...
Forgive me BigJake, but I do not see the need for such a backhanded and personal attack.
Dude, it's not a "personal attack" to wonder what you're basing a comparison like that on. What a bizarre thing to say. I'm just not seeing where you would get that comparison, that's all.
(And I'm being quite forehanded about it, I think. I could switch up to a lob if you prefer, I have a pretty solid baseline game.)
It's apparent that few fan filmmakers are interested in doing the legwork it takes to get a decent script, and the typically defensive or dismissive reaction to even the mildest criticism indicates the makers are largely satisfied with what they do.
Frankly, I've given up on trying to help fanfilm makers at this point. Both this and the Fan Filmmakers Primer thread don't seem to have made a lick of difference to any of these productions. It's probably time to stop shouting into the wind.
To be fair to Axanar, Prelude isn't really trying to tell a story, it's faux documentary, so I'm not sure the usual standards of story-telling apply. I think it did what it was trying to do pretty well.Forgive me BigJake, but I do not see the need for such a backhanded and personal attack.
Dude, it's not a "personal attack" to wonder what you're basing a comparison like that on. What a bizarre thing to say. I'm just not seeing where you would get that comparison, that's all.
I see. I guess my reasoning was that the scripts/stories for the projects I mentioned have all been mostly disappointing for me. I was unmoved by Equinox and Dreadnaught, and was similarly unimpressed with the majority of the writing for Axanar and "The White Iris," hence my comment. It's perfectly fine to agree to disagree in my book, I just felt the implication of your "there's no accounting for taste" was somewhat snarky and directed solely at me.
Hey *I* listen to you, even if I don't do a great job of implementing your advice.It's apparent that few fan filmmakers are interested in doing the legwork it takes to get a decent script, and the typically defensive or dismissive reaction to even the mildest criticism indicates the makers are largely satisfied with what they do.
Frankly, I've given up on trying to help fanfilm makers at this point. Both this and the Fan Filmmakers Primer thread don't seem to have made a lick of difference to any of these productions. It's probably time to stop shouting into the wind.
To be fair to Axanar, Prelude isn't really trying to tell a story, it's faux documentary, so I'm not sure the usual standards of story-telling apply. I think it did what it was trying to do pretty well.Dude, it's not a "personal attack" to wonder what you're basing a comparison like that on. What a bizarre thing to say. I'm just not seeing where you would get that comparison, that's all.
I see. I guess my reasoning was that the scripts/stories for the projects I mentioned have all been mostly disappointing for me. I was unmoved by Equinox and Dreadnaught, and was similarly unimpressed with the majority of the writing for Axanar and "The White Iris," hence my comment. It's perfectly fine to agree to disagree in my book, I just felt the implication of your "there's no accounting for taste" was somewhat snarky and directed solely at me.