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Facts About Cupcake

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Space Cadet Cupcake insists on wearing red exclusively, even in a star trek movie and he looks forward to kicking some Romulan ass.
 
Cupcake is so dumb, that his written orders were to take Kirk and Scotty to the brig, which he thought was how you spell "bridge".
 
You do realize, of course, at this point we're going to have to have him in the sequel. Nice red shirt on the first landing party. "Ensign Cupcake - you're with me..." It's probably the only part of the sequel now written in stone. They almost dare not kill him off, too.

And the Real prize is the poor guy has just secured his place in history, along with a working wage simply going around the country signing pictures of himself, "Best Wishes, Ensign Cupcake" for 15 bucks a pop. If he's Anywhere as roidy as his character, he's just entered the fifth ring of hell.

That being said...

Cupcake isn't allowed in Engineering anymore - his farts corrode the dilithium.
Cupcake is so 'roided, his nuts are nearly twin singularities.
Cupcake is so fat, when they saw him on the Enterprise, they thought he was a Trekkie.
 
In the sequel, Kirk is going to sacrifice himself in order to save Redshirt Cupcake, changing the Star Trek universe forever for we'll now be witnessing a parallel universe that doesn't involve redshirt deaths.
 
Cupcake is bald because he wants to be like Robau. But isn't badass enough to be Robau's scrotal hairs.
 
You do realize, of course, at this point we're going to have to have him in the sequel.

I think the opening shot of the new film should be Captain Cupcake barking orders from the conn in a scene like the Kobayshi Maru beginning of TWOK. That'll teach this thread to make fun of him and maybe be quite amusingly ironic.
 
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