Facts About Captain Robau

[Mr. Laser Beam]

I see a badass Captain Robau of a man.
Scaramouche, scaramouche, will you do the fandango?
Thunderbolts of badass very very frightening me.

 

[F. King Daniel]

Captain Robau built the Guardian of Forever out of modelling clay, and breathed on it, giving it life and the power to act as a gateway through time and space.

 

[Rush Limborg]

He formed it out of his own will--and willed it to be immortal on both ends. That's why the Guardian says, "I AM MY OWN BEGINNING, MY OWN ENDING".

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

The Guardian used to speak with Robau's voice, but no one could go near it without being struck dead with the sheer badassery, so Robau allowed a lesser man to speak for it.

 

[T'Girl]

Captain Robau is the only being in the universe ever to be over Macho Grande.


.

 

[Jack Bauer]

Robau invented the spoken word before he was even born.

 

[barnaclelapse]

If Robau was the guy who survived one horror movie and made it to the sequel after all his friends had been slaughtered you'd still want to be his pal.

 

[Boxyno1]

Robau once used a fleet of Borg cubes as lego bricks

 

[T'Girl]

Robau was the guy who survived one horror movie

Captain Robau survives the horror movie, even through he and his friends all split up and Robau is the comedic Pakistani of the group.

 

[6079SmithW]

Robau even survives movies where there are only a few minorities who are getting picked off one by one. Not only does he survive, but he is the last one standing and kills the person/creature that killed everyone else.

 

[rgb1701]

Superman graciously thanks Robau for sloppy seconds with Lois and Wonder Woman.

 

[rgb1701]

Robau even survives movies where there are only a few minorities who are getting picked off one by one. Not only does he survive, but he is the last one standing and kills the person/creature that killed everyone else.

Robau stars in movies he's never been in.

 

[6079SmithW]

Warp speed became possible when people abandoned normal physics for Robauian physics. Robauian physics are so badass that Einstein's theory of relativity cannot help but crumble in its wake

 

[cooleddie74]

Robau nailed all of the girls on THE FACTS OF LIFE.

Yes. EVEN Natalie.

 

[6079SmithW]

Robau has nailed every women who ever appeared in a Playboy magazine Ever!

 

[cooleddie74]

Robau STARTED Playboy magazine.


Long story.

 

[F. King Daniel]

Martha Kent had to call on Captain Robau to perform baby Clark's circumcision.


Captain Robau, for obvious reasons, is uncut.

 

[cooleddie74]

Robau's foreskin is so monstrous it's a TWELVE-skin.

 

[rgb1701]

Robau's foreskin is so monstrous it's a TWELVE-skin.

Robau's foreskin has been used as an emergency shelter on away missions...

 

[Jack Bauer]

Robau knows the exact coordinates of every known star in the galaxy.