Even Robau doesn't like cold and slimy yams.
Facts About Captain Robau
- Thread starter Herkimer Jitty
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He does like gratuitous amounts of wine, which he can make by chewing and swishing grapes around in his mouth. Any liquid inside Robau's mouth becomes instantly fermented.
Robau's bladder serves as a fermenting vat for Chateau Picard.
The Picards have to pay Robau for the right to remove their wine from his bladder. Anything that touches Robau is automatically his.
And Chateau Picard tastes ten times better after being inside Robau. Much like almost anything.
Even spinach tastes better. How do you think Popey got so buff eating nothing but spinach? It had been pre-digested by Robau for him, giving it unsurpassed badass muscle building capabilities. The spinach gains Robauium concentrations of 0.0000007 ppR (parts per Robau), which is insane for anything non-Robau, as it passes through Robau's digestive tract.
Robau turns spinach into slush deuterium in his stomach, and spits it into the storage tanks of the Kelvin. Unlike most regurgitiated matter, his smells akin to rose petals. THAT is the Robau Effect.
The Dead Sea is named as such because once upon a time it pissed off Robau.
Robau was in the dead sea scrolls, but they would not stand up to his badassness and disintegrated
The box found in Raiders of the Lost Ark was not the Ark of the Covenant. It was Robau's footlocker, which contained an old pair of his gym socks.
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Those aliens from Kingdom of the Crystal Skull are dead because Robau beat them to death with their own skulls (a la red vs. blue).
"Latinum" is the scientific name for Robau's urine.
Morn once prank called Robau. Now he's so afraid that Robau will recognize his voice, he never talks when the camera is pointed at him.
A young cadet was once reading up on all the famous starfleet captains over history. When he came across Captain Robau's profile, he could not believe the insane and badass things Robau had accomplished during his career. The cadet rolled his eyes and mumbled something about it all being a bunch of over-hyped nonsense. At that point, Robau's picture came alive and leaped out of the data pad. The cadet was shocked as Captain Robau himself stood before him. Robau punched through the cadet's chest and ripped out his heart, saying, "I am what I am. Do not doubt me." This is the true story of why Picard has an artificial heart.
We all saw how Jim beat the K.M. in the movie. What noone really knows, is that he input the name 'Richard Robau' into the worm Gaila unwittingly(see deleteds) had him infect the subroutines with.The instant it hit the system, the computer, recognizing that name, automatically rewired the scenario-because we all know-ROBAU NEVER LOSES!!!
Afterwards, they tried to re-boot the program to fix it but anything they do is blocked by the computer. Whenever any cadets attempt to run the KM simulation, the computer generates a holographic Robau that mops the floor with them. The Academy is quickly running out of space in their medical clinic for all the battered cadets that dared to challenge the Robau Scenario. Just like the Kobayashi Maru was, the Robau Scenario is unbeatable and the only end result is you getting your ass handed to you by holographic Robau.
A spy from the Klingon Empire once sent in an intel packet the scenario to inform his government of the long-held tactical scenario...and, mistakenly assuming that this particular(post-Robau-reboot) routine was the norm,the High Council sent an ALERT to all vessels, that, if they should encounter this astoundingly powerful human captain-they should immediately either RUN..or prepare to say, 'Today is a good day to die!"
The phrase, "Today is a good day to die." was invented by Klingons who realized that being killed by Robau, the ultimate warrior and badass himself, in combat was indeed the best day in any Klingon's life.
Lewis Zimmerman created the holo-person who became the Doctor on STV...but, he also secretly designed a Robau holobeing, who will be incorporated into tactical holograms, once Fleet engineers have deduced how to replicate the tech the Doctor got via Starling. Then....the Federation will be GUARANTEED a win, next war...cause we all know how it'll go down, with countless Robaus out there taking on the baddies...feet up, and relax, Starfleet.
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