Facts About Captain Robau

[6079SmithW]

After the Dominion War, just to make sure they didn't cause anymore trouble, Robau traveled to the Founders homeworld. He gave that big sea of shapeshifting goo a long icy Robau Stare, causing it to freeze solid. Robau now uses the frozen remains of the Founders to make snowcones.

 

[Voyagerian]

It does seem curious-and a relief-to the general observer, that the Borg never came en masse to asssimilate the UFP. NATURALLY! Once they came across the name 'Robau' in the Fleet databaes they'd absorbed-and saw how pointles it was to incur THE ROBAU'S wrath..they backed off!!

 

[6079SmithW]

During Captain Robau's "death" scene a stunt double had to be used because Eric Bana was scared to death of actually having to attempt an attack on Captain Robau.

 

[Voyagerian]

Robau's eyes are so powerful that he creates lens flares on film spontaneously with them. That's how J.J. was inspired to add more of them to the project!

 

[6079SmithW]

The President of the Federation once said, "The only thing we have to fear is Robau himself. Be glad he's on our side!"

 

[Voyagerian]

Robau was heavily lobbied by to run for the UFP Presidency, but he humbly declined, citing that his skills were better used in Starfleet-that's code for, I AM TOO POWERFUL TO WASTE ON A MERE DESK JOB!

 

[6079SmithW]

Robau was elected president the moment he was born, but he chose to decline and become a starship captain instead because that is the only job that's as awesome as Robau is.

 

[Voyagerian]

Robau is included in many holodeck fighting programs-including one of Worf's-albeit dialed-down-because not even one of the 24th century's finest Klingons can withstand the force, even of Robau's pinky-finger for very long!

 

[6079SmithW]

Mugatos are terrified of being bitten by Captain Robau.

 

[Voyagerian]

The Kelvin once came across(Remember, this is the Abramsverse) a group of the Flying Parasites, which were attacking a UFP colony...Robau beams down, cuz he fears NO flying critters..and is bitten. Immediately, the parasite crashes, dead as a doornail. Seconds later...due to THE ROBAU EFFECT-the entire group, numbering some five thousand-also perish. On to next 'challenge'....

 

[Piper]

Captain Robau picks his nose.

 

[Broccoli]

Captain Robau picks his nose.

And allows his favorite of the day to eat whatever Robau finds in there.

 

[6079SmithW]

Vulcans may be bifurcated, but Robau is a human tripod.

 

[GhostFaceSaint]

Robau keeps his ample member in unidimensional underwear lest he trip!

 

[cooleddie74]

Robau's penis was never circumcised because it was BORN looking perfect.

 

[Broccoli]

Robau's penis was never circumcised because it was BORN looking perfect.

With many chicks to give eye-witness accounts.

 

[cooleddie74]

Robau's penis was never circumcised because it was BORN looking perfect.

With many chicks to give eye-witness accounts.

As well as oral recitations.

 

[GhostFaceSaint]

Some say that Captain Picard is really a descendant of Captain Robau.

 

[cooleddie74]

Some also say Captain Robau is a descendant of Zeus.

 

[GhostFaceSaint]

There is a rumor that Captain Robau has an evil twin brother, and that this brother is supposed to be responsible for all the evil in the Galaxy!

EDIT

...I mean...if Captain Robau had a brother...he would be...perfect...flawlesss...ACK!!! The model...human...being...COUGH!!!