Star Trek 20 questions: How many questions does it take to guess "Captain Robau"?
1. It is classified as Sentient Being. (Kind of demeaning to compare Robau to mere sentients, but close enough for now.)
2. Is it as commanding as Picard? Yes. (I had to answer Yes, because "More Commanding Times Infinity" isn't one of the options.)
3. Has it ever considered joining the Q Continuum? No. (Like he'd ever sink that low.)
4. Is it human? Doubtful. (Robau is human in the same way that Charlie Tuna is a great white shark.)
5. Does it have hair? No. (Narrows things down to Sisko, Robau, and Janeway.)
6. Is it flexible? Yes. (The ladies will attest.)
7. Has it ever been stranded? No. (Don't be ridiculous. The ship is stranded when he's not onboard. Not the other way around.)
8. Has it ever been involved in a war? Yes. (God rest the souls of his enemies.
9. Is there much information about it? Yes.
10. Has Picard seen it? No. (Only in his fantasies.)
11. Would it make a good captain? Yes. (What part of being a commanding, flexible, bald badass doesn't this thing understand?)
12. Has it ever been beamed aboard the Enterprise? No. (He's more the 'punch my way through the hull' type.)
13. Is it in good relations with the Federation? Irrelevant. (The Federation does what he damn well tells them to do.)
14. Did it appear in a holodeck? No. (Though in a deleted scene, Riker tried to conjure up a holographic Robau to help with a moral problem. It simply punched him in the face and vanished.)
15. Has it ever spent an evening with James T. Kirk? Yes. (No comment. A gentleman never talks.)
16. Does it help people get places? Doubtful. (Though he has been known to drop kick people in the general direction they wish to go.)
17. Does it work well with a team? Irrelevant. (What the hell does an omnipotent badass need with a team?)
18. I guessed that it was General Chang? Wrong. (That Shakespeare quoting wuss!?)
19. Is it mechanically inclined? Yes. (Like the Federation, machines better damned well do what Robau tells them to do.)
20. I guessed that it was Flint? Wrong. (Flint's not bald.Or badass.
21. Is it cooperative? Irrelevant. (Re. working well with a team.)
22. I guessed that it was Nero? Wrong. (MOTHER FU!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
23. Is it ranked higher than a Lieutenant? Yes. (Badass is his Starfleet rank. "Captain" is merely a nickname.)
24. I guessed that it was Captain Koloth? Wrong. (You're comparing CAPTAIN FUCKING ROBAU to a dude who's afraid of a damn Tribble!?)
25. Is it known for its physical strength? Yes. (Only in legend. Nobody has survived a demonstration.)
26. Is it as deranged as Q? No. (If Robau were deranged, than deranged would be sane and sane would be deranged.)
27. I guessed that it was Kor? Wrong. (Kor is a Dahar Master. A "Dahar" is Klingon for "1/1,000,000 as badass as Robau". That's pretty damn badass for a mortal.)
28. Is it friendly to humans? Irrelevant. (Re. works well with a team.)
29. I guessed that it was Commander Kruge? Wrong. (Now it's just fucking with us...)
30. I am guessing that it is Omet'iklan? Wrong. ()
What a disgrace...
Only total destruction can make up for this Epic Failure.
