Etiquette on who invites who for a casual night out- am I wrong?

[Ethros]

OK I'll try not to be make this too longwinded, but I just want to know what people think about the general etiquette of this situation I've found myself in and whether I'm in the wrong or not.


So I work as a Supervisor in a supermarket. I was working there last night and I see this girl who also works there (we've known each other for over a year now, just friends) just doing her shopping, browsing the aisles. So I go over and say hi, how's it going, general chit-chat etc, for about 5 minutes or so until I have to get on with what I'm doing and she finishes her shopping.
I won't use real names, so I'll just call her 'Rachel' for this.

5 minutes later I just casually notice her talking to another guy who works there, a mutual friend of ours, 'Ben' for a little bit.

10 minutes later Ben comes over to me and the conversation is like this-
Ben- "So are you going to the pub tonight then?"
Me- "Huh?"
Ben- "Yeah, Rachel's idea, are you coming?"
Me- "Er, I don't know, I don't know anything about it."
Ben- "Yeah I think a few of us are just gonna go to 'Pub X', I'm not sure who else is coming but I think her friend Claire* is going too." (*another mutual work friend)


At this point I'm thinking why didn't Rachel just ask me/tell me about this when I was talking to her earlier? To me I haven't actually been invited here. If it was her idea why didn't she just tell me then, or if she only thought of it whilst talking to Ben why not come back and ask me in person herself?


The conversation continued-
Me- (a bit flustered) "erm, well I'll see what I'm doing tonight."
Ben- "Ok, well text Rachel about it if you want, I think it'll be about 9 or 10ish"


And that was pretty much that. Ben and I don't have each other numbers by the way.
Now, the way I see it, I shouldn't have to text Rachel about this. This night was her idea- so she can ask me. Seen as she didn't ask me in person then she can text me later on.
For me to text her in my mind comes over as basically saying- "Hi I've heard you're going to the pub tonight! Can I come? Because I have no life whatsoever and have nothing else to do but to text people asking if I'm invited or not."
I just don't like to come across as some massive loser.

So I got home, no text, and I hear literally nothing for the rest of the night.


So... am I wrong? Should I have texted her? It seems to me she is the one who should have invited me, not me just inviting myself. For all I knew, Rachel purposefully didn't invite me, and Ben just asked me if I were going without knowing that she hadn't asked me. That's what it felt like anyway, because the least she could have done later that night was to fire off a quick text to me saying something like "So are you coming then?" kinda thing, not just NOTHING whatsoever.

Or am I just being paranoid? (which to be fair I often am)
Does it not really matter who invites who and it's all cool?


I hope this makes sense anyway. Opinions? Thanks

 

[sidious618]

Maybe she thought you already knew about it.

 

[Pingfah]

Maybe she forgot to mention it and told him to mention it instead.

 

[Roger Wilco]

The situation is a little bit awkward, but I think you're probably reading too much into it. My guess is, Rachel probably would've liked you to come but that it's no big deal either way.

 

[Ethros]

Maybe she forgot to mention it and told him to mention it instead.

That's what I thought, but I was just a bit annoyed that to say we text each other often-ish and talk on Facebook quite a bit (as we don't actually see other at work that much,) the least she could have done was sent me a text. It's not like doing so takes a great deal of time and effort.

 

[Alidar Jarok]

Stop worrying and go to the damn pub. It's not a date, she's trying to organize a group to go to the pub. You're part of the group. That's all there really is to this.

 

[RJDiogenes]

There's too many possibilities without knowing the players. Maybe Rachel asked Ben out on a date and he's clueless. Maybe she's interested in you but is too shy to say anything directly, so is working through Ben. Maybe they are trying to set you up with Claire. Maybe it was a spontaneous idea after she finished talking to you. Maybe she was just getting together with her friend and Ben turned it into a co-worker's night out. And on and on....

 

[Alidar Jarok]

Yeah, but none of those are really your problem to worry about (well, maybe the "she likes you and is too shy" thing, but I wouldn't plan your night around that idea). If she wanted to snub you, she would have made sure Ben didn't tell you about it.

 

[RJDiogenes]

Yeah, I would agree that snubbing is probably low on the list of probabilities.

 

[Ethros]

Yeah, I guess you're all probably right, it was an overreaction.
There are varying factors to it though, like she's done this kind before, more than once.


Also the obvious reason I think like such an idiot is because I really "like" her and she doesn't feel the same way, 'just friends' as they say. I know nothings gonna happen and I do just wanna be friends but it doesn't stop be being stupid.
Also I'm probably jealous of her friendship with Ben, she seems to hang out with him a lot more than she ever does me. It's just that he's a such a dick sometimes, I guess you might call him a "player" or whatnot, he has a new girlfriend every month, and even then goes out on weekends and sleeps with any old girl he can pull in a nightclub, then comes to work the next day bragging about it.
Whereas Rachel's really nice and sweet; I think she just finds him amusing and I don't think anything would happen between them, but I wouldn't put it past him.

I know that if something did go on there then que sera sera, she doesn't wanna be with me and I can accept that. I just don't wanna see her with a dickhead like him.

 

[Alidar Jarok]

Important question to ask yourself. Is he a dickhead because he is one or because she likes him?

 

[Ethros]

Ha, yeah probably. He is a dick though, but of course it's her hanging around with him all the time that bothers me.

This is my fucking problem in life see, it's easy to self diagnose myself, I know what all my foibles are and where they come from. For example I generally dislike students, for various reasons, but mainly it's because deep down I'm jealous of them and I how I never went to uni and my student days were spent working and I wasn't having casual sex every night of the week, etc.
Ha there are loads of aspects about myself I know deep down, I don't need Freud to tell me; it's just doing something about it. It's like the end of 'American Psycho', Patrick Bateman knows what's wrong with him and admits but, but as he says "But even after admitting this, there is no catharsis. My punishment continues to elude me, and I gain no deeper knowledge of myself. No new knowledge can be extracted from my telling. This confession has meant nothing."

ie. it doesn't stop me from the thinking and acting like a paranoid idiot like I did last night.

 

[AJBryant]

You know, sometimes the sci-fi fan cliches are real.

Dude. Go. To. The. Pub.


Jeez.

 

[Amaris]

You should have gone to the pub.

 

[Ethros]

Ha, yeah I'm an idiot, I get the idea

 

[Amaris]

Ha, yeah I'm an idiot, I get the idea

You're not an idiot, you're just sweating the small stuff. Don't.

 

[Ethros]

Yeah, I know. I just overthink things too much. And things involving her way too much. It annoys me too, don't worry

 

[Kitty Worrier]

I probably would have stayed home unless she invited me. I don't like getting invited second hand. Of course, I would have texted Rachel to find out what's going on - what if it was a simple oversight?

 

[Holdfast]

You know, sometimes the sci-fi fan cliches are real.

Thank you; just what I was thinking.