ENT Caption Contest #88: A Very Special Episode

[Skywalker]

Hail, captioneers! It's that time again. Well past time, actually. You see, due to host forgetfulness, our last contest went on a few days longer than was intended. Please allow me to apologize for my neglectfulness. I shall endeavor to do better. In the meantime, let's get on with it, yes?

First up we have the "Best Laid Plans..." award, going to:

T'Pol (OS): What is the meaning of this sign?
Trip: You're supposed to get in here first.
T'Pol (OS): How exactly will the shuttlepod be rocking?

Followed by the "Hello, Computer!" award, going to:

There's something out on the wing! Oh wait - it's just Madeline. Not now!

Up next is the "Check the Iron Eagle 15 Set" award, going to:

Louis Gossett Jr. owes me child support!

Look man, we don't all know each other!

We also have the "Manny Coto Seal of Fanwank Approval" award, going to:

T'Pol!!

You can't go in there Trip, the whole compartment's flooded with radiation.

Up next is the "I Refused to Make the Obvious Sex Joke" award, going to:

Never piss off the transporter chief.

Our tag-team award goes to:

Trip: "Ouch! We should have listened to those warnings about sex in the desert! I've got sand boldly going where no sand has gone before!"
T'Pol (OS): "Me, too."

Archer (OS): That makes three of us.
Porthos (OS): Woof!
Archer (OS): Make that four of us.

Trip: Am I pregnant again?

Thanks to everyone who participated, and congrats to our winners!

Our adventures through the brilliance that is mid-Season Two continues. In our next episode, "Stigma," the writers offer us a dramatic A-story that continues the Star Trek tradition of tackling a serious issue that no other shows have dared to touch, and pair it with a serious and emotional B-story that examines the important topic that is sexual harassment in the workplace. Enjoy!

 

[LeadHead]

Archer: (thinking) Great, the Denobulans are the long lost offspring of Batman Villains.

Trip: No, please stop talking about your sex life with Phlox, I may chew my finger off.

Phlox: Interesting, you had lines in this episode, but you ate the script.

T'Pol: Stop staring at my butt, Captioners. This is a serious scene!

Archer: What?! You''re out of reservations for Valentine's Day?

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

When the crew couldn't get R & R, Archer at least brought some R & R to the crew...

"Hello, Sailor..."

Denobulan: "One at a time or both together, I'll take you both on."
Trip mumbling: "What's Denobulan for 'Ewww'?"

Phlox: "She broke two of your ribs, and sucked your testes completely dry."
Travis: "Wow! What a woman."
Phlox: "Makes me proud to be her husband."

T'Pol: "The vibratomax 6000. Where is it? Don't tell me I left it back home?"

Archer: "Oh my God! Don't tell me..."
T'Pol: "Future guy is..."
Archer: "Lwaxana Troi?"

 

[jespah]

Thanks for the tag team win!

Archer: I like her! She reminds me of a baseball I once knew.

Hoshi: So you ALL have eight inch tongues?
Feezal: And you don't?
Trip: Uhhh....

Phlox: You're pregnant. Why doesn't anyone around here use a Calrissian condom???

T'Pol (thinking): Let's see ... Bible, tooth-whitening kit, Handbook of Lame Opening Lines ..... All I need is a plain skirt suit and I'll be ready for my next stint as a Jehovah's Witness in Space.

Forrest (OS): The Vulcans want to keep your security deposit on the NX-01. They say there's a dent in the starboard nacelle and cigarette burns in the carpeting on E deck.

 

[Jonas Grumby]

TFTW, Skywalker!

Trip (whispering): "That's a man, baby!"

Phlox: "Relax, I'll have this off of you in no time. Just out of curiosity, who is 'Ruby'?"
Travis: "I have no idea! All I know is that tattoo parlors should be outlawed on Wrigley's Pleasure Planet!"

T'Pol: "Leather-bound journal and address books, two reels of 8mm home movies, small laser pistol in pocket-carry holster, fishing tackle kit, two unopened sheet sets from SpaceMart, and two ice cube trays. Nobody packs a suitcase like my Mom!"

 

[Triskelion]

TFTWs, Skywalker! Woo hoo!

Archer: Note to self: Stock up on decon gel and tic tacs.

Feezil: Tell me, do the other male crew fill out their uniforms better than Commander Tucker?

Hoshi: Oh God yes; I mean, I don't know...?

Phlox: It seems your six pack is in fact two 40's.

That's everything, but there's no room for any panties. Meh, who'm I kidding <closes suitcase>.

Archer: Is that a mural of you riding a saber tooth tiger into a demon battle?

T'Pol: Before I joined Starfleet I was a groupie for Vulcan Molly Hatchet.

Archer: I've got to, uh, go decon myself.

 

[TommyR01D]

T'Pol's revenge against the poor ensign who revealed "her" big secret.

 

[Ln X]

Puffing up their cheeks wasn't the only thing female Denobulans could do...

Hoshi: What do you think Trip?
Trip: I dunno the mouth is too wide and her lips look rubbery...

Archer: Lieutenant Hoshi, WHAT ARE YOU DOING SWINGING ON THAT POLE?

 

[Nerys Myk]

Archer: Is that a mural of you riding a saber tooth tiger into a demon battle?

T'Pol: Before I joined Starfleet I was a groupie for Vulcan Molly Hatchet.

Archer: I've got to, uh, go decon myself.

Molly Hatchet, that sure takes me back.

 

[Triskelion]

^Ha ha, I thought I was just spittin' in the wind with that one!

 

[Skywalker]

I don't get it.

 

[Triskelion]

That's a good thing, Skywalker.

Maybe this can help.

 

[Finn]

\

Phlox: Good afternoon, Mayweather. What do you need help with?

Mayweather: ..... *zips open uniform*....*points*

Phlox: Alright. *scans tummy* You seem more talkative than usual

 

[LeadHead]

Archer: Stop doing that before lose my lunch.

Phlox: Your abs are pregnant.

T'Pol: This ship needs a Science lab, I really don't like storing alien soil samples in my quarters.

 

[Triskelion]

Let's see. I've got a robe, towels and ashtrays. The TV remote, light bulbs and Gideon bible. Tiny toothpastes and shampoos, soaps, cups and shower nozzle. Now what else isn't nailed down? I likes me some booty that say "Enterprise Motel!"

 

[Ln X]

Phlox: You must have a guardian angel Mayweather because usually those facehuggers go to... well... your face.
Mayweather: And the alien inside?
Phlox: Has been removed, he will make an interesting pet...

 

[Mistral]

Jolene Blaylock: "Look, I'm already wearing a skintight spandex suit-what more do you want?"

Voice(OS): "Could you take it off?"

 

[Nerys Myk]

T'POL: Let's see. Gel explosives. Books on the art of human seduction and sabotage. Those round eared sons of a raptor have a surprise coming.

 

[Triskelion]

Damn, I forgot my shoehorn. Looks like I'll be wearing the same outfit for a few weeks - again.

 

[Riker's Libido]

T'Pol: I wonder if I can change my name to Tu'Pok. .... I have to poop.

*ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED*