ENT Caption Competition #005 Barely An Inconvenience

[Nerys Myk]

ARCHER: I can't decide between a drumstick or a fudgsicle.
TRIP: Got my eye on a Bomb pop.
T'POL: Is there a reason we have an ice cream freezer on the bridge?
TRIP: Duh, so we can eat ice cream on the bridge! I thought Vucans were supposed to be smart?

 

[IMC Headquarters]

TUCKER: Damm! We forgot to bring bags. Trick-or-treating's going to be a bust this year. Who do you suppose lives here, anyhow?

 

[Doc Mugatu]

Trip; Why'd y'all order a dead guy for?

That IS funny. Very Python-ish.

 

[Mr Soak]

That IS funny. Very Python-ish.

It’s from Firefly.

 

[Nerys Myk]

It’s from Firefly.

Well, I didn't expect an Alliance interrogation.

 

[IMC Headquarters]

TUCKER: A tanning bed with a moonroof. Sweet. Care to give it a try, Sub-Commander?
T'POL: The inside of the warp reactor is a more efficient unit. Step inside and prove me wrong.

 

[IMC Headquarters]

ARCHER: And another one. How many dead cryosleepers does that make now?
TUCKER: Cap'n I lost count. I vote we unplug that psychotic sonofabitch and melt him down for boots.

 

[Mr Soak]

Trip: It's a new safety measure. Two crew members have to beat 256 levels of Pac-Man to initiate the self-destruct.
Archer: Much better than Frogger.
T'Pol: Nowhere near as sophisticated as Crossing Vulcan's Forge.

 

[IMC Headquarters]

TRIP: Chef's gonna love this new dishwasher.

 

[IMC Headquarters]

BRIDGEKEEPER: Answer me these questions three 'ere the other side he sees.
TRIP: I got this one, Cap'n.
BRIDGEKEEPER: What is your name?
TRIP: Charles Tucker.
BRIDGEKEEPER: What is your quest?
TRIP: To boldly go where no man's gone before.
BRIDGEKEEPER: What is your favorite colour?
TUCKER: Blue.
(TRIP PASSES THROUGH DOOR SAFELY)
T'POL: Ask me your questions.
BRIDGEKEEPER: What is your name?
T'POL: T'POL.
BRIDGEKEEPER: What is your quest?
T'POL: To recognize infinite diversity in infinite combinations.
BRIDGEKEEPER: What is the sound of one hand clapping?
T'POL: (RAISES EYEBROW. FINDS SELF HURLED OVER SIDE OF MT SELAYA)
ARCHER: RIght!
BRIDGEKEEPER: What is your name?
ARCHER: Jonathan Archer, Captain of the Enterprise.
BRIDGEKEEPER: What is your quest?
ARCHER: To boldly go where no man has gone before.
BRIDGEKEEPER: What is the intermix formula for a warp 7 engine?
ARCHER: In neturino or tachyon script?
BRIDGEKEEPER: I...I...don't know that! (FINDS SELF BLOWN FROM AIRLOCK INTO DEEP SPACE)

 

[Tenacity]

trip: at last, we've made it back to the ship.
t'pol: captain, we will require your access code to enter the air lock.
archer: uhhhh.
trip: after all the alien boardings, putting in a security code that only you know was a great idea.
archer: uhhhh.
t'pol: yes captain, definitely a excellent security measure.
archer: ummmm.
t'pol: you can't remember, can you ... you smelly primate.
trip: not a problem, you said it was your mother's birthday.
archer: ahh, about that.
trip: seriously, you don't know you own mother's birthday?
archer: ummmm.
t'pol: how about i hit you on the back of head with my rock hard boobs a few dozen times? maybe you'd remember then, you mono slavic twit.
trip: that's a little harsh.
t'pol: do you have any concept how badly i need to pee?

Well, I didn't expect an Alliance interrogation.

no expects the alliance interrogation.

 

[Leviathan]

T'pol, alone at the helm station.

 

[Leviathan]

Suliban: The real reason we brought you here? We just want to know what the hell it meant by "Dr. Sam Becket never returned home."...EXPLAIN!

 

[Tenacity]

Travis: Wearing a red shirt on a ship named Enterprise is supposedly bad luck.
T'Pol: The Vulcan science academy has determined that luck doesn't exist.
Travis: Whatever you say.
T'Pol: Now please excuse me, I'm on the landing party.

 

[IMC Headquarters]

AGENT 86: The old "airlock of death" trick. One false word to the computer and we're blown out into space to die in the cold vacuum.
AGENT 99: Oh Max! I don't want to die in the cold vacuum...
AGENT LARRABE: Eureka!
(DOOR SLOWLY OPENS. AIR LEAKS OUT)
AGENT 86: Larrabe! What did you say that for?
AGENT LARRABE: It's the brand of vacuum my wife and I use at home.

 

[Herbert]

Archer: I recommend a good moisturizer

 

[Herbert]

Archer: T'Pol! Are you trying to mind meld with an inanimate object?

 

[Nerys Myk]

TRIP: Did you try turning it off and on?
T'POL: Unplug it and plug it in again.
ARCHER: How is it you two are my top experts in science and engineering?

 

[Herbert]

T'Pol: Sim Sim Salabim!
Trip: uh, is that what your supposed to say when you mind meld?

 

[Kibbin]

Archer: You know it's at times like this, when I'm trapped in a Suliban airlock with a woman from Vulcan, and about to die from asphyxiation in deep space that I really wish I'd listen to what my mother told me when I was young.
Trip: Why, what did she tell you?
Archer: I don't know, I didn't listen.