DS9 Caption Contest #64: Booo!

[Triskelion]

Sisko: Look - how did those footprints get on the ceiling?
Worf: Perhaps something was wrong with the gravity plating?
Sisko: Computer, was there a glitch in the gravity plating?
Computer: Brrreeep bloop bleep. Affirmative.
Worf: If that happened...then these lights are...QI'yaH!
<Both men fall up.>

 

[Rush Limborg]

Ezri: Oh, Worf--I was just going to--WHOA!

Worf: (sigh) Captain Picard said it was hardly noticeable....

O'Brien: There's only one--and stop asking me.

Garak: You're wrong...there are two....

Nog: Seriously, Garak--what are you trying to pull?

Garak: Oh nothing! Nothing at all.... Now--how many?

Kira: And will someone please explain why we don't just use night-vision goggles?

Right Bashir: Now...hold on. Is there not but one Washington...?

Left Bashir: Yes!

Right Bashir: And is there not but one...Lincoln?

Left Bashir: Yes!

Right Bashir: And is there not but one Dr. Julian Bashir?

Left Bashir: I'm Popeye--oh...bugger.

"And I thought the sign "Bates Motel" was an homage...."

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

O'Brien: So it's true, Garak...you have achieved enlightenment!

 

[T'Girl]

Bashir: "Okay, your mime trapped in a glass box is pretty good. Now do walking into the wind.

Kira: "Where is that damn cat?"

 

[Triskelion]

Julian: Oh no I'm not letting you out. You're mint and you're going to stay that way.

Garak: Did you bring the snacks, Chief?
O'Brien: Sure. Hard boiled eggs.
Nog: Are these larval eggs, Chief?
O'Brien: No, they are chicken eggs. From Earth chickens.
Garak: Reptilian chickens, of course?
O'Brien: With poison fangs. Gnash your jugular vein just as soon as look at you.
Nog: Well all right then.
O'Brien: Crack them...very carefully.

 

[Leviathan]

DS9 Producer: Oh, I don't think we'll be increasing your pay Siddig...meet Alexander!

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

The Bashir changeling was exposed as a fraud and thrown in the brig after it proved unable to perform Gangnam Style.

 

[Isis]

Bashir (to self): "I can't quite place it, but I know I've seen that face before."

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Bashir in brig: I swear I'm not a changeling. I'll prove it! The code phrase is "Hey, Macarena"!

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Bashir 1: "Hey! What's with the forcefield."
Bashir 2: "I know you as well as I know myself, and I also know about our auto-erotica fetish."

 

[Triskelion]

Ezri: The...real...corn queen of...Trill.
Corn Queen of Trill: Yes, Ezri. Your reign of drama is over.

Garak: A "Whale Tail," Chief?
Nog: He does not want to talk about it!

Kira: Lasertag? On a space station? During wartime?
Sisko: Just the stress release we all need. <Shoots lasers into her eye>

I'm not you! I can't be jailed for thinking dirty thoughts!

Exactly what I, I mean a filthy sex fiend, would say.

Worf: Glass floors in the women's changing room. It is no doubt good to be Captain.
Sisko: It is good to be Captain.

 

[DeepSpaceWine]

Ezri sees a Breen without their helmet. Apparently they aren't quite as scary as they are disgusting and stomach-turning.

O'Brien: "Garak! Will you quit shining that light on me? This isn't a Cardassian interrogation, you know".
Garak: "Just trying to rekindle your memories from the Cardassian-Federation War to 'aid' you in your repairs".

Kira: "Umm, Captain, I think it's going to take a lot more than this part to fix this mess".

Dr. Bashir tries the old Marx brothers routine with his 'reflection'.

Dominion ships are apparently like the Sistine Chapel, with enthralling works of art on the ceilings of their corridors.

 

[Nerys Myk]

SISKO: How exactly did this "Xenomorph" escape again?

KIRA: I dunno, but I still think it's a plot by Quark to make me strip down to my underwear.

 

[T'Girl]

Ezri sees a Breen without their helmet.

Not all species have their sexual organs in the same place.

 

[Isis]

Bashir on right: "Trust me. You don't have to raise your arms that high for jazz hands. Especially on a day you haven't bothered to use deodorant."

 

[Isis]

Sisko: "So far 'Rock of Ages' is pretty boring and we're the only ones in the theatre. Maybe we should have picked one of the other ninety-nine movies in this hundred-plex."

Worf: "No sh*t, Sherlock."

Nerys: "Do I look fat in this?"

<brief pause>

Nerys: "Well, everyone, don't all respond at once."

 

[Leviathan]

"Inflatable Ezri" always sold well at Quark's.

 

[Isis]

Garak: Chief, there is a multi-legged creature crawling on your shoulder.

O'Brien: How many legs?

Garak: Too many to count, not so many they work in shifts.

O'Brien: Pffft. <Goes back to work>

Worf: Sir, the multilegged creature is back.
Sisko: Odo? Is that you?
Worf: The constable has far more important things to do, sir.
Odo <tiny voice>: Don't shoot! Pleeeeeeese!

Sisko (OS, walking into the room): "Ezri, I just want to warn you what Odo is up to today. Whatever you do, don't open your mouth too wi..."

 

[Triskelion]

^

 

[Herkimer Jitty]

Garak: "One of us is going to spend this episode in excruciating pain. Time to draw straws."

O'Brien: "Damn it all! I always get the short straw!"