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DS9 Caption Contest #57: Sharing a Kanar with Damar!

LeadHead

Director of Comedy
Premium Member
Happy Saturday to everyone! Hope you're doing well, lets get some winners crowned!


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First up to the plate, we have the "Vision Issues" Award, going to:

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Worf: What are you looking at?

Martok: With what?

Next, we have the "Check, please" Award, going to:

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Martok: I do not understand your son's reaction, captain. After all gagh is always best when served live ...

Next, we have the "There's a few Murder Charges..." Award, going to:

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Worf: "These humans cook up rather good, don't they?"

Martok: "Yes, they do. And using the Ferengi for fuel was simply brilliant."

Next, we have the "Bad Test Results" Award, going to:

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Martok: "What's that thing do?"

Bashir: "It's telling me you've been with far too many Wild Orion Women and not using protection."

Next, we have the "Calm and appropriate responses" Award, going to:

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GOWRON: It is agreed then. We shall order Might Maltz Meat Lovers pizza with 10 side orders of blood pie and warnog. And if they are late....we shall ravage their homeworld in 30 minutes or less


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WORF: Human custom demands we roast marshmellons and sing a round of Row, Row, Row your boat.

Congratulations to our winners and many thanks to everyone who participated!

Let's say to Damar!

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Enjoy!
 
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Damar: And now, over to Weyoun with the weather...

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O'Brien: Here's your problem. You're using VHS!

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Damar: i know what you're thinking; did I fire 6 shots or only 5?

Worf: No, I'm thinking this isn't the 1970's!


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Damar: Shhhh! Stop telling Garak how to defeat the Dominion!

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Damar: (thinking) I wanted one of those weird headsets too...
 
^ :techman:

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Damar: "Citizens of Cardassia! Victory! A great vic - wait, what? Oh! Wrong network. *chuckle* Sorry!"

*Screen goes dead*

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O'Brien: "It reads: "this day is ours. Taste the bitter dregs of defeat, bipedal oppressors! Qapla'!"

Damar: "We of Cardassia knew this day would come. The voles are upon us."

O'Brien: "They got into the bloodwine, didn't they? I knew you Cardies hijacking a Klingon ship would be trouble"

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Damar: "You fools! He's a major protagonist! You've run up against his Character Shield!"

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Garak was in a delicate situation. As with Dr. Parmak, the Cardassian aide seated at the table was captivated by his merciless stare. So long as he kept staring, silently, the aide wouldn't betray his presence. But if he kept staring, he couldn't slip away. So he stood there, while Weyoun and Damar nattered on about nothing, hoping they wouldn't look in his direction.
 
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Damar: I've been ordered by Dukat to sing to you colonel a love song.
Sisko: Damar, we're in the middle of a war! Don't you have anything better to do?

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O'Brien: This is the most shoddiest repair work I've ever seen!
Damar: You watch your tongue! Or I may just forget you are a human in disguise...

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Damar: For the last time, would you serve me better Kanar! It's like drinking Klingon piss! No offence commander.

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In one minute of Garak's arrival Weyoun and Damar would be ridiculing Garak's plans. In two minutes Weyoun and Damar would be arguing about loyalty to the Dominion. In three minutes Weyoun would say an ill-fated remark about kanar... So with Damar enraged, Weyoun dead, Garak could safely this was mission accomplished.

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Damar: Honestly all these ships just to take over DS9, is it really worth it to win over Kira's affections?
Dukat: Damar, I will conquer the whole universe if I have to, to woo the major!
Weyoun: Let's not lose sight of our true objectives; capture DS9 and control of the wormhole!
 
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"Hi Benjamin, I'm Corat!"

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Sometimes legate Lokar felt like such a gooseberry...

(NB: I will never watch the film prometheus due to their frankly idiotic and offensive ad campaign...morons!)


Yes I have more...
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" I'm sorry, but I don't want to be a Legate. That's not my business. I don't want to rule or conquer anyone. I should like to help everyone if possible; Bajoran, Klingon, Human, Trill. We all want to help one another. Sentient beings are like that. We want to live by each other's happiness, not by each other's misery.



We don't want to hate and despise one another. In this universe there is room for everyone, and the good galaxy is rich and can provide for everyone. The way of life can be free and beautiful, but we have lost the way. Greed has poisoned men's souls, has barricaded the world with hate, has goose-stepped us into misery and bloodshed.


We have developed speed, but we have shut ourselves in. Machinery that gives abundance has left us in want. Our knowledge has made us cynical; our cleverness, hard and unkind. We think too much and feel too little. More than machinery, we need humanity. More than cleverness, we need kindness and gentleness. Without these qualities, life will be violent and all will be lost. The starship and subspace have brought us closer together. The very nature of these inventions cries out for the goodness in men; cries out for universal brotherhood; for the unity of us all. Even now my voice is reaching millions throughout the Alpha Quadrant, millions of despairing men, women, and little children, victims of a system that makes men torture and imprison innocent people.


To those who can hear me, I say, do not despair. The misery that is now upon us is but the passing of greed, the bitterness of men who fear the way of human progress. The hate of men will pass, and dictators die, and the power they took from the people will return to the people. And so long as men die, liberty will never perish.


Soldiers! Don't give yourselves to brutes, men who despise you, enslave you; who regiment your lives, tell you what to do, what to think and what to feel! Who drill you, diet you, treat you like cattle, use you as cannon fodder. Don't give yourselves to these unnatural men - machine men with machine minds and machine hearts! You are not machines, you are not cattle, you are men! You have the love of humanity in your hearts! You don't hate! Only the unloved hate; the unloved and the unnatural. Soldiers! Don't fight for slavery! Fight for liberty!


In the seventeenth chapter of St. Luke, it is written that the kingdom of God is within man, not one man nor a group of men, but in all men! In you! You, the people, have the power, the power to create machines, the power to create happiness! You, the people, have the power to make this life free and beautiful, to make this life a wonderful adventure. Then in the name of democracy, let us use that power. Let us all unite. Let us fight for a new world, a decent world that will give men a chance to work, that will give youth a future and old age a security. By the promise of these things, brutes have risen to power.


But they lie! They do not fulfill that promise. They never will! Dictators free themselves but they enslave the people. Now let us fight to fulfill that promise. Let us fight to free the world! To do away with national barriers! To do away with greed, with hate and intolerance! Let us fight for a world of reason, a world where science and progress will lead to all men's happiness. Soldiers, in the name of democracy, let us all unite!


My friends , can you hear me? Wherever you are, look up! The clouds are lifting! The sun is breaking through! We are coming out of the darkness into the light! We are coming into a new world; a kindlier world, where men will rise above their hate, their greed, and brutality. Look up, fellow beings, look up! The soul of man has been given wings and at last he is beginning to fly. He is flying into the rainbow! Into the light of hope, into the future! The glorious future, that belongs to you, to me and to all of us. Look up, Look up!"



(With thanks to Charlie Chaplin)
 
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Thanks for the win! :)

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Damar: And this is Glinn Haw-Haw, with the daily report....

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O'Brien: So--I got it! You see this wire here? Obviously, it's been recalibrated into the dynamic stabilization matrix, thereby implimating a state of symphonic flux into the distributive modulator!

Damar: (under his breath) Obviously....

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Damar: You slimy little idiot! Can't you keep things close to the chest once we're out of the central command room? Someone might be bugging this hall!

Weyoun: Here? Poppycock!

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Weyoun: ...And further--I trust we won't have further instances of drunkeness on duty...now won't we...Damar?

Damar: (muttering) Go stuff it.

Weyoun: (loudly) Oh? And what was that...?

Damar: I said, get on with it.

Dukat snickers.
 
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O'Brien: Here it is sir, Damar's Spacebook page. Let's see, picture of his breakfast, picture of last night's kanar binge, ah, here's our event invitation: Damar has sent you an event invite--Uprising to overthrow the Dominion, shall we accept, sir?

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O'Brien: Don't worry, they always include extra parts. Now, let's restart it, but when we do, I'll monitor from over there...

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Damar: Boring conversation, anyway. WORF, WE'RE GONNA HAVE COMPANY!
Worf: Must you quote Star Wars?

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Sisko: Mr. Garak, are you sure about having our faked recording end with Damar and Weyoun kissing is absolutely necessary?
Garak: Oh, it's not necessary in the slightest, though, a simple tailor can be afforded a fetish, can't he?

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Damar: Oh, don't tell me you're using those Project Ass things again that the Dominion are always on about...
Dukhat: For the last time, Damar, they're called "Project Glass," and they'll revolutionize how you interact with the internet...
 
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KLINGON: Wow, how many times have you been married?

DAMAR: As many times as I've been widowed.
 
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O'Brien: Here it is sir, Damar's Spacebook page. Let's see, picture of his breakfast, picture of last night's kanar binge, ah, here's our event invitation: Damar has sent you an event invite--Uprising to overthrow the Dominion, shall we accept, sir?

Sisko: "Has he accepted my friend request and taken down that post about my "douchebaggery"?

O'Brien: "...No, sir".

Sisko: "Turn him down. But, uh, you can "like" the speech he posted".
 
Thanks for the win!

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Damar: HAH! And you thought I was only a minor character!

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Damar: Now Sisko I can buy as a Klingon ... but you ...
O'Brien: Hey, you better be nice to me, okay? Otherwise, I won't help you repair this thing by spewing technobabble at you!
Damar: Soo ... you'll do it without technobabble?
O'Brien: Of course not!
Damar: *sigh*

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Worf: Why?
Damar: Because I'm in love with you Worf, and I couldn't bear to see you die.
*Worf stares*
Damar: No, kidding! Because I'm tired of Dominion rule. *pause* You knew that was a joke, right?
Worf: Um, sure I did. *thinking* He must never know my heartbreak ...

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Garak: My my, look how friendly they are! I'm sure one of them will never arrange an "accidental" transporter death for the other ...

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Weyoun: *thinking* Dukat may be annoying, but at least he's easier to deal with than Damar ... thank goodness he's not the head of the Cardassian Union!
 
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Damar had successfully rolled out the Cardassian Liberation Front's greatest weapon...bad Kanar breath.

There were no survivors.
 
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Klingon: See? My black glass plate with cryptic red triangles is missing!

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Damar: There are 4 lights - QUIT ASKING.
 
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Cardassian: "You! Are you supposed to be in here?"
Garek: "Uh...no, no. I'm looking for the Space Ghost Fan Convention, and that neon logo on your wall confused me."
 
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