DS9 Caption Contest #34: Good Times in the Bajoran Sector

[Gary7]

O'Brien: "Julian, what are you looking at?"
Bashir: "I'm pretty sure I saw it crawl up there; yep, I just know it."
Dax: "What is it?"
Bashir: "A spider!"

Nog: "No, wait!!"

But it was too late. Poor Nog had left his bicycle parked outside of Quark's for only a few minutes, but O'Brien got to it first and had already keyed in the parking violation.

Kira: "Oh God, I forgot how strong the settings are on this suntan booth!"
Dax (OS): "I think you forgot something a little more important, Major Kira. Like, your clothes."

Kassidy: "Oh honey, you are soooo good!"
[just as Jake walks in]
Jake: "You're so good at what, Dad?"
Sisko: "Uhhhh... 3D chess, yes--that's it."
Jake: "But I whipped your butt at it just last weekend..."
Kassidy: "Speaking of whipping butts--"
Sisko: "Kassidy!"

 

[Admiral Shran]

Demon [OS]: Are you a god?

Kira: No.

Demon [OS]: Then.... DIE!

 

[Skywalker]

O'Brien: "What is it?"
Bashir: "Admiral Shran's piggybacking off of Skywalker's Ghostbusters joke!"

 

[Admiral Shran]

^ How about a Harry Potter joke instead?

 

[Skywalker]

Aw, you ruined my caption!

 

[Admiral Shran]

I can always change it back, if you wish.

 

[Skywalker]

I thought your original version was funnier anyway.

 

[Admiral Shran]

OK. Changed back.

 

[LeadHead]

Bashir: What just happened in these last few posts?

 

[Rush Limborg]

Thanks for the (joint) win!

Jadzia: (breaking fourth wall) Sheesh! Can't these guys wait to act out their Alamo death scene until they're off-duty?!?

O'Brien: Well, from the looks of things...I'd say your bar was mauled by that band of targ that escaped from the cargo bay last night.

Quark: What the heck were targs doing in the cargo bay?

O'Brien: The Klingon restaurant's stocking up for the great big "Feast Of Kahless" next month.

Quark: I see.... And in the meantime, how are we supposed to handle all that "stock" for that long?

Nog: STAMPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEDE!!!

Officers: FREEZE! DON'T MOVE!

Kira: NO--it wasnt me! It was the one-armed man!

Jake: But guys--you should know, I don't want it to be a sister. So if you're going to--

Kassidy: You talkin' to me?

Jake: I...I was just saying--

Kassidy: You talkin' to ME?

Jake: Guess...not....

Sisko: Good, Mister. You'll take what we get.

Julian Bashir was none too pleased upon discovering that someone had been making recordings of his Secret Agent adventures on the holodeck...and had resolved to show them on the secondary screen in Ops.

 

[highlander]

Julian: "Nooooo..I'm pretty sure it's just hair gel. I'll have Mary come in and double check though."

 

[LeadHead]

Kira's surprise biirthday party went off without a hitch, except for the antimatter candles.

 

[Smellincoffee]

O'Brien: Lieutenant! You didn't just tell Julian about your engagement, did you?
Dax: Damn, I forgot we were supposed to give him a sedative first.

Bashir HATED having to come to Ops with his man-purse in tow. How would he ever impress Jadzia?

Sisko: Daddy has a new special friend, Jake-O
Jake: Dad, I'm eighteen. And I heard you guys in the back before I came in.

...awkward.

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Dax: "The irony! The only person on board who knows how to treat a crick in the neck..."

O'Brien: "Nog! Get down to waste extraction and modulate the disintegration subsystem, then get up to deflector grid B and tell me if the interference has gone."

Nog: "Yes, chief."

Quark: "Give the kid a break will ya! He's moonlighting in the Voyager Caption contest as it is."

The lesser known Orb of Lighting Farts is less visited, even by devout Bajorans.

Anselm Chapter 15...

I once thought the day that my mother died was the worst day of my life. Year later I would think it was the day that my Father was called to the Prophets. But looking back on my life, I have come to realise it was the day as a teenager, that the idea of a threesome was first suggested to me...

Dax: "I'm getting tired of watching Julian play Bejewelled Blitz."

 

[MrBorg]

Bashir: I wonder how long that white cat was in the ceiling panel... I hope it wasn't around when I was looking at - Oh, uh, never mind.

 

[Isis]

Bashir: "I must say that the builders of these workstations were very inconsiderate. How do they expect anyone to get a decent nap during the day?"

 

[Gary7]

Julian was just about to disembark for his vacation when a video suddenly appeared on all of the view screens in OPS.

Julian: "Miles!!!!!!!"

 

[Thor Damar]

As part of the successful treaty negotiations with the Cardassian Union, the command crew were required to attended the Introductory Monologue of the Cardassian ambassador.

it has been three days....

Major Kira Nerys is caught on camera trying out the Bajorian militia's latest weapon, phased energy sneezing.

For some reason or another, it never caught on.

Quark: "For profits sake chief! I said that I was sorry for mocking your novel about an engineer that saves the universe, can you please put my bar back together."

O'Brien: "Not until you learn how to pour a Guinness properly!"

Bashir: "I must say, Thor Damar's preceding captions have been rather weak so far..."

Dax: "Don't be such an insensitive clod Julian, he tries his best but you know what British humor is like."

Bashir: "Oi!"

O'Brien: (testily) "Will you two stop breaking the sodding fourth wall like that!"

Others: "What!?"

 

[Rush Limborg]

Unsuprisingly, Kira's renditions of Gloria Gaynor's "I Will Survive" didn't exactly catch on.

 

[highlander]

Dax: "For the last time Worf.....it's not a purse, it's a European men's carry-all."