DS9 Caption Contest #13: Criminal Activity

[LeadHead]

Welcome back the Promenede, Doctor Noah has been defeated and the police arrested Falcon for attempted carjacking.

Time for some winners to be crowned.

First up, for a keen sense of observation, our winner is:

BASHIR: When did she grow a tail?

For showing us that the legacy of the Coco/Leno debacle could last into the 24th Century, our winner is:

GARAK: "You mean that's it? More years than I can count up here, making people laugh, making them smile, and then Jay Leno takes my job?"

For showing that honesty is not always the best policy our winner is:

Bashir: "OK, Kira, next time you ask whether you look fat in an outfit, I'll be sure to say 'no'."

For a great encyclopedic knowledge of the James Bond Franchise, our winner is:

Noah: "...so then, the US and the Soviets will go to war!"

Bashir: "'You Only Live Twice,' 'The Spy Who Loved Me,' and 'Octopussy.'"

Noah: "All right, how about this? We use poison to kill the entire population of the Earth while my followers wait safely on a space station?"

Bashir: "'Moonraker.'"

Noah: "Fine, we steal a couple of nukes and ransom the world!"

Bashir: "'Thunderball' and 'Never Say Never Again.'"

Noah: "What about a satellite weapon that uses diamonds?"

Bashir: "'Diamonds are Forever' and 'Die Another Day.'"

Noah: "A weapon to knock out power so we can rob a couple of banks?"

Bashir: "'Goldeneye,' and a little bit from the 'Ocean's 11' remake."

Noah: "Wait, I've got it! A large dish to block out the sun."

Bashir: "Simpsons did it."

Noah: "Damn!"

For knowing when to hold em and when to fold em, our winner is:

Garak: After careful consideration, Captain, I think your concerns are justified. Perhaps in preparing your last suit I did accidentally use cloth that caused the waistline to shrink.

Congratulations to our winners! And now, our next contest. This one will only last a week, then after this one it'll be back to the normal 2 week format.

Off we go!

 

[LeadHead]

Sisko: What happened Gentlemen?

Worf: We thought the episode was getting boring so we got into a fight in the Bajoran Temple.

O'Brien: The Orb of Prophecy never saw it coming.

Quark: Okay, I'll stop trying to make holograms out of you!

Sisko: You are NOT a bolian! Admit it!

Jem'Hadar: Aw man, I thought we could do the Vulcan Neck Pinch.

 

[Rat Boy]

Bashir: "I only told them I thought the Enterprise-D was a garbage scow."

Kira: "Jesus Christ, Quark!"

Quark: "Wow, you are good at charades."

Tolar: "I really think you should see someone about that halitosis."

Jem'Hadar: "You switch the white with whole milk again and I'll cut you, man."

 

[AdmiralGarak]

Even guest-starring on Picard's show was a court-martialable offense in Sisko's eyes.

Kira had clearly won the belching contest.

blue guy: "You hit me! Papa Smurf never hit me."
Sisko: "I'm NOT Papa Smurf!"

Jem'Hadar: "Tag. You are it. Again."
O'Brien: "You can turn invisible, and nobody's even seen Odo since he hid this morning. This isn't fair at all. I wanna play Parcheesi."
O'Brien's chair: "Harummph. Sore loser."

 

[Nerys Myk]

SISKO: You guys do the Three Stooges and you ask WORF to be Curly?????

 

[DS9 Gal AZ]

Sisko: That's it! I've had it with you three, you've forced me to take drastic action!
Worf: We're being court-martialed?
Sisko: Worse than that, you're grounded!
*blanks stares*
Sisko: What? It works on Jake ...

When Bajorans discovered 21st century human video games, it lead to tragedy, as seen in the image above, in which Major Kira a bit too enthusiastically demonstrated a "move" she'd learned by playing Dance Dance Revolution.

Sisko: What's the matter? Feeling blue?
Tolar: Oh, like I haven't heard that one before!

Jem'Hadar: I will escort you to the torture chamber now, human.
O'Brien: What? Why?
Jem'Hadar: Because the writers decided it's been waaaay to long since they did a "torture O'Brien" episode, that's why. What else would you think?

 

[Gepard]

BLUE ALIEN: "Nothing...you can do...to me...will make me...talk..."

[later]

MIRROR SISKO: "Hi."
BLUE ALIEN: [wets self]

 

[T'Girl]

Initially reluctant to attend Jadzia Dax's bachelorette party,
Kira seem to really get into the sprint of things after the Ferengi male stripper arrived.

Sisko: "Sneaking into the Klingon Empire will be tricky. It's an entirely different kind of mission altogether.

Worf, Bashir and O'Brien [together]: "It's an entirely different kind of mission."

.

 

[AdmiralGarak]

Sisko: "132 counts of felonious assault. 344 counts of vandalism. 3 counts of public nudity. 34 counts of..."

Sisko: "One moment, men. Yes, mom?"

 

[Smellincoffee]

Worf easily won Captain Sisko's "dubious look" contest, but was not aware there was such a contest being held.

Jem'Hedar soldier: There, there. Why so serious?

Kira: I asked for a drink, QUARK, not SYNTHEHOL!

Sisko: If this is a consular ship, WHERE is the ambassador?

 

[Gil T.Azell]

QUARK: "OK major that uniform does not make your butt look fat"

 

[Nerys Myk]

Quark found out the hard way that Maj. Kira was a telekinetic.

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Sisko: "... and another thing. I have never seen such immature behaviour from so called, seasoned Starfleet personnel as that which you displayed yesterday..."

O'Brien: "You want to tell him that he's the one in the brig and not us."
Bashir: "He'll figure it out eventually."
Worf: "The time period for the sweepstake has lapsed. None of us won. It lacks honour not to tell him..."

O'Brien muttering: "I just can't figure out who is stealing all the combadges on the station."

Odo's Bajoran nose trick was more than Quark could bear.

Sisko: "If you try that Intel inside crap with me, Mister. It will be Intel outside... the airlock. Are we clear?"

 

[Nerys Myk]

SISKO: Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through Starfleet son.

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

No one had the heart to tell Major Kira that Dirty Pair Flash was an anime from 20th Century Earth...

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

Quark: "I wasn't expecting the Bajoran Inquisition!"

jarring chord and Kira suddenly appears

Kira: "Nobody expects the Bajoran Inquisition!"

 

[Mistral]

Sisko: "You failed to bring me a shrubbery, that's why!"

Bashir: "Oh, God, you were serious?"

 

[Nerys Myk]

Kira's "Dancing With the Stars" rehearsal went horribly wrong.

 

[T'Boggan]

O'Brien; "Oh come on Captain, we wont tell a soul about your 'Spenser for hire dvd stash!"

Quark: " yeah? bite this beyach! AHHHhhgggrrrrrr! oh baby!"

Another diplomatic incident as Sisko mistakes the Bolian ambassador for his novelty pyjama case.

O'Brian "Hold me down chum Ive been eating the Helium balloons again"

 

[LeadHead]

Sisko: 3 of my senior officers brawling on the Promenede!

Worf: O'Brien started it.

O'Brien: I did not!

Sisko: Am I gonna have to separate you two?

Bashir: Just please put me in a different cell.