DS9 Caption Contest 112: The Hate That Dare Not Speak Its Name

[Smellincoffee]

Well, folks, it's back to your regularly scheduled broadcasting -- you're saved from surprises for at least another year. This week we're looking an episode so profoundly unpopular I don't know that I've ever seen it even mentioned in a thread. It's as if it's so utterly unliked that no one wants to think about it. Well, tough.

MAN: Malcolm has just been standing there for 30 minutes.
WASH: He's trying to think of a one liner.

"Congratulations on your purchase of a Woman. Include in my box you'll find a large voluminous manual that will take the rest of your lfie to read and will conflict with things I do and say later."

It had me at southern belle...

Now are you fellas looking for Southern Bell or Austrian mistress, because I can do either of those. Just don't ask for French Lady. I hate doing that one.

Kaylee (off screen): I wish he'd stop doin' that. He's not the one who has to keep cleanin' the person-bits out of that intake.

Mal: "We're going on an epic quest. First person to quote Holy Grail gets the airlock when we get back to the ship."

CROWD: Burn her! Witch! Witch! Burn her!
MAL: Did you dress her up like this?
CROWD: No, no... no ... yes. Yes, yes, a bit, a bit.
VILLAGER #1: She has got a wart.
MAL: What makes you think she is a witch?
VILLAGER #3: Well, she turned me into a newt.
MAL: A newt?
VILLAGER #3: I got better.
VILLAGER #2: Burn her anyway!
CROWD: Burn! Burn her!

​

How Malcolm Reynolds deals with unexpected houseguests:

And now, from the episode blocked from our collective memory...MOVE ALONG HOME!

Remember, expressing your horror at the episode is therapeutic!

 

[LeadHead]

Bashir: Don't drink that! It's a lousy vintage!

Kira: Couldn't you guys have dragged Primmin into this instead?

Bashir: It's amazing! She was just born recently, and she's nearly 6 years old.

Dax: She's not the first, it's called Alexander Rozhenko Syndrome.

Girl: You know that there's a button that opens the door, right?

Director: That's great. Lets try that again but with less hatred in your eyes.

 

[Ithekro]

This is one of the new episodes I actually missed seeing the first time around and have been told I didn't miss anything.

Mission review images Gamma Alpha 47J-6

Worf (O/S): ...Nice view.

 

[JirinPanthosa]

SISKO: I'll sneak just one more drink to get through this Bajoran emissary ritual.

KIRA: Hey! Move Along Home was not that bad an episode.
MAN: HA!
KIRA: It was the episode after freaking Passenger! That was a much worse episode!

GIRL: Alamaraine! Count to four!
KIRA: This reminds me of a childhood rhyme I used to sing. Cardassian heads, count to four, Cardassian heads, then three more!

KIRA: Let us out! She's been singing the same Nickelodeon theme song for thirty minutes!

KIRA: How did this game get out of beta testing? The challenges make no sense!!

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Sisko: Personal log. Recommend going all General Order 24 on the Waddi's ass for making me drink urine recyc to get out of this damn game.

When the girl loudly declared she was a Belieber, panic ensued.

Falow: Major, you'll notice that I partook of many Federation delicacies in your Replimat. Look! "SEE-food!" Get it?
Kira: ew.

Sisko: Look, young lady, we are NOT letting you out of here until you tell us who put the bomp in the bomp ba bomp ba bomp.

Nana Visitor: Avery, I know they told us that this episode would have a cliffhanger ending, but this is RIDICULOUS.

 

[Nerys Myk]

SISKO: I think we'll just have to keep tossing security guards at this Ruk fellow, until he tires.

KIRA: We'll run out of Security long before that happens!

 

[Leviathan]

Sisko: ...scan her for plot or any trace of creative writing.
Bashir: None detected sir...just huge amounts of obviousness.
Kira: My god...and this is a first season episode...
Dax: We've got to get out of this show before we get typecast!

 

[Rat Boy]

Brooks: "Let us out!"

Visitor: "We don't care if it'll get better in the 3rd Season!"

Epic frat parties OF THE FUTURE!

Kid: "Careful. We almost lost Dr. Jones last week because he forgot to spell in Latin."

 

[Smellincoffee]

Sisko: A gin and tonic will make this all go away, won't it?

 

[Ithekro]

The Emissary at work

 

[Nebusj]

And now, from the episode blocked from our collective memory...MOVE ALONG HOME!

I thought the episode blocked from our collective memory was ... um ... it was ... the one with ... uh ... oh, gosh, you know what one I mean. Right?

Ooh, daring choice for the 2371 Sommelier Competition, matching coq au vin with Strawberry Fanta Zero.

Kira: ``The little dangly thing at the back of your throat has a smiley face on it.''

(And the epilogue ... CROW: ``Uvula?'' TOM SERVO: ``No, I graduated from William and Mary.'')

Kira: ``Look, you Star Fleet people may have advanced training in squatting but not Bajorans!''

``Oh, please open, Family Feud door, that we may compete against the stars of the hit CBS sitcom Dave's World!''

Sisko: ``Great. On top of everything else someone's screwed up our aspect ratio so we look all squat and dumpy!''

Remember, expressing your horror at the episode is therapeutic!

MIKE: ``Pain don't hurt.''
TOM SERVO: ``Um. Yes, it does. That's what pain means. Definition, you know.''

 

[LeadHead]

Allamaraine, count to four.

Allamaraine, he's a bore, Allamarine and he stinks...

Allamaraine, have some drinks.

Allamaraine, if you can flee...

Allamaraine, you'll come with me!

 

[Hutchy01]

There were only two good things in this episode and they can both be seen VERY clearly in this shot!

 

[Triskelion]

Sisko: I know it's a few seasons premature, but What Would Worf Do?
Dax: He'd suggest running the little girl through with a mek'leth.
Sisko: Ha ha, the one time a captain would actually take his suggestion.
Group: HA HA HA, what a loser.

Kira: I've got some good news and some bad news. The good news is that there is nothing wrong with your teeth. The bad news is that this is not, in fact, what we mean by the mandatory cavity search.

Kira: Must you drink so much?
Sisko: I only drink until the buzzing goes away.
Kira: I don't hear any buzzing sound.
Sisko: There it is again!

Kira: If we tear down this wall it will open up the whole space.
Bashir: That would really create a flow between the dining area and the kitchen.
Sisko: I think it's a load bearing wall, isn't it?
Kira: Nothing's more important than family time - SHUT UP BRITTANY! MOMMY'S GOT A MIRGRAINE! KEEP IT UP AND I'LL SHIP YOU OFF TO GRANDMA'S!
...
Sisko: Grandma?
Kira: I told her she's a Pakled.

Sisko: Away team to shuttle. Computer, a little help!
Computer: Acknowledged. <Brazilian Portuguese jazz filters through cavern>
Dax: The hell??
Sisko: I know, right? This is totally a Dixieland situation!

 

[hux]

Bashir: According to my tricorder, this is a really bad episode
Sisko: My tricorder is giving similar readings

Kira: Enterprise is a great show
Man: ha ha ha ha ha ha

Sisko: This is the worst trumpet I've ever played
Dax: Dude, you're so drunk

Kira: Let us out!! This episode is just so bad

Sisko: Beam us out of here chief. Major Kira is getting weird and throwing all the hot women off the cliff

 

[Triskelion]

Bashir: According to my tricorder, it's something called a "Yumanoid."
Kira: It's trying to say "Humanoid," Doctor.
Sisko: That's what mine says too. A "Yumanoid."
Kira: Well that's obviously some kind of lexical typo in the database. I'm sure it means "Humanoid." I mean, look at her! Two arms, two legs, one head! Humanoid!
Bashir: Oh, look who's worked on a space station for a month and now is an expert on xenobiology!
Dax: So what's it doing?
Sisko: According to this, it's engaging in some sort of ritualistic custom, possibly as a prelude to a bloodletting or humanoid sacrifice of some kind.
Kira: Don't you mean, "Yumanoid sacrifice?"
Bashir: Oh Major. You're so knave.
Kira: You mean "NAIVE."
Bashir: Pendantic and knave.
Sisko: That's so true. I've always said the Major was an adornment that hangs from a piece of jewelry.
Dax: Come out to the final frontier, we'll get together, have a few laughs....!@#$% Craigslist.

 

[Smellincoffee]

24ish hour warning!