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DS9 Caption Contest 111: Big Damn Heroes

Smellincoffee

Commodore
Commodore
Weeeeeelcome back! With spring break over, it's back to work for our rugged heroes, eking out a living for themselves on the frontier -- or as Kira says, her home. What dashing works of derring do will they perform this week? Before we dive back in, let's see some vacation shots!


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Worf: Jadzia, I cannot be seen wearing such tasteless and tacky man panties. To do so would be a such a grave dishonor that I may be barred from ever entering Sto-Vo-Kor!
Jadzia: Worf, I found your underwear drawer. The jig is up.
Worf: Well, in that case...let me try these on for you. They are quite stunning on my manly Klingon physique.


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Dhukat: Me, the baddie?......what would make you think that


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Jennifer later started doubting Ben's story about their meeting was an accident when she realized he walked half a kilometer before his feet were burned.


tftw!
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HOLOGRAPHIC JADZIA: Come to bed Quark. What's the problem?
QUARK: Real Jadzia found out about the program.
HOLOGRAPHIC JADZIA: Sounds like you had a bad day. Climb into bed!
QUARK: Not for a few weeks. I'm recovering for a catastrophic testicle injury.

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Worf: Damned Federation Girl Scouts...I do NOT wish to purchase your insipid cookies. And may Fek'lhr's grandchildren nest in your sock drawer.

And finally, doubling as an "Awwwwww" award if ever there was one:

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Label: Worf, Son of Mom.

And now, this week's set, featuring our usual intrepid cast of characters up to their usual idealistic saving the universe business!

..or you know, not. :)
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Undercover or not, there was no way Jayne was going to join in singing the Alliance anthem.

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Saffron: Didn't you already do the "girl in a box" trope, in, like, the very first episode?

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Mal: I... have had... enough... of YOU!!

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Mal (singing... badly): Home, home on the raaaange... Where the deer and the antelope plaaaaayyyyy...

Jayne: C'mon, just one bullet. He won't even see it comin'!
 
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MAN: Malcolm has just been standing there for 30 minutes.
WASH: He's trying to think of a one liner.

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BEA: I finally made it out of the coffin. Now WHERE'S BILL?!

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WOMAN: Personally I think if Firefly wasn't canceled it wouldn't be nearly as popular today.
MAN: Sacrelidge!

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DANNY TREJO: I will hunt you down and kill you!
MAL: You get DEAD when you're hungry! (kick)
DANNY TREJO: Wait, aren't you going to offer me a SnickAAAHHHH!

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BASHIR: Why did you write Malcolm from Firefly into our Alamo recreation?
O'BRIEN: The question is, why is this the FIRST time I wrote Malcolm from Firefly into our Alamo recreation.

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WOMAN: Wait! I admit it, I never got into Firefly!
MALCOLM: Burn her at the stake!
 
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Mal's contempt for the Alliance extended even to poor census workers.

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Saffron: What? I'm a mail-order bride who kills her husbands and takes their stuff. It's a living.

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Mal: Got a doc and loon, doc and loon, anybody give me 500? Fiiive hundred anybody anybody FIVE HUNDRED from the insane village chieftan, can I get six can I get six?
 
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CROWD: Burn her! Witch! Witch! Burn her!
MAL: Did you dress her up like this?
CROWD: No, no... no ... yes. Yes, yes, a bit, a bit.
VILLAGER #1: She has got a wart.
MAL: What makes you think she is a witch?
VILLAGER #3: Well, she turned me into a newt.
MAL: A newt?
VILLAGER #3: I got better.
VILLAGER #2: Burn her anyway!
CROWD: Burn! Burn her!

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MAL: We're all humans on this show, so yeah we keep our genitals in the same place!

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I ordered a brunette! Why can they never get things right?
 
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Jayne: Mal, is this the planet where Sisko slaughtered a bunch of Jemhadar?
Mal: Yep, that's why we gotta get out of here. I can't afford to meet Garak in a battle of wits.
 
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"Congratulations on your purchase of a Woman. Include in my box you'll find a large voluminous manual that will take the rest of your lfie to read and will conflict with things I do and say later."



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Jayne: "Do these goggles make me look weird?"

Wash: "No, Jayne, you make yourself look weird."



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Seen here is the alternate ending to "Indiana Jones and the Last Crusades", where after Indy, his father, and friend ride off into the sunset, Mal and crew desperately race in to find the rumored Cup of Christ in a last-ditch effort to help Book. Audiences didn't like the downer ending.
 
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Inara: I forget, do con artists go in with the cardboard or the plastics?

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Mal: Say, did anyone catch Castle last night? That Richard fellow sure is ruggedly handsome.

Zoe: Not really the time, sir.

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Kaylee (off screen): I wish he'd stop doin' that. He's not the one who has to keep cleanin' the person-bits out of that intake.

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Aristocrat with plate: This is a delightful meatloaf, Ms. Frye. May I ask what's in it?

Kaylee: Oh, you know, just some bits we had lyin' around...
 
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Jayne: "It's only a model."

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The things one had to do to get ahead in the era of Mad Men.

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Kaylee: "...and that was the last time I had something twix me nithers that weren't battery operated."

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Henchman #24: "I'll never talk...aaaaaaaaaaaarggggggh!"

Mal: "Well someone better! I'm running out of people to kick."

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Zoey: "Think we're taking this Western analogy a little too far?"

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The Browncoats finally succeeded over the Alliance by "giving" them the Lost Ark.
 
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Wash: Boy, that Enrico Palazzo really knows how to sing.

[yt]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hyCc1DzRAgQ[/yt]


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Jayne: Captain?

Mal: (sigh) Yeah, Jayne?

Jayne: Do you ever get that...not-so-shiny feeling?


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Mal: (kick) And THAT's for putting your chocolate in my peanut butter!


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Kaylee: (hic) Hey boys...karaoke's fun ain't it?...(hic)...wait till you hear my calypso version of Rammstein... (hic)
 
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Wash: "Fine, you can keep him. Just don't let him near a Twitter account."

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Saffron: "Get your own comic collection."

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Kaylee: "Oh. Are we not allowed to wear colors in here?"

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Guy: "That's not how you do the Riker Maneuver! You put your foot on consoles and scenery instead of peo-WAAAAAUUGGUHUGH!"

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Mal: "We're going on an epic quest. First person to quote Holy Grail gets the airlock when we get back to the ship."

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Mal: "Listen up, you primitive screwheads, this is my boomstick"

Person in Crowd: "But we're at the same technological level as you!"

Zoe: "Just let him do his thing. He's been watching that damn movie for 3 days straight."
 
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Mal: The sign on the door says "No Solicitors". What part of that don't you get?


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Mal, singing: Oh, give me land, lots of land, under starry skies
-- meh. Doesn't have the same ring as 'You can't take the sky from me'.


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Mal: Jayne, these Geonosian things are creepy as hell. Kill a few, won't you?
Jayne: You'd better define a few, Mal, 'cause once Vera gets started she's a hard gal to stop.
 
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Jayne: Super-Soldiers?!

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Saffron: Mal, carry me over the threshold.

Mal: Sure, just stay in there. Il get a hand truck.

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Jewel Staite: I freaking hate this dress! If it took any longer to get in and out of, I'd need to have a diaper installed!

(Jewel Staite mentioned hating this dress at her panel at Emerald City Comicon a couple weeks ago)

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Mal: This'll hurt you more than me.

Mal Kicks the guy

Mal: OWWWW! Abs of steel, I guess it did hurt me more!

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Nathan Fillion: C'mon! Go faster, we have to make it to the shooting location!

Gina Torres: Was it really necessary to ride horses to get there?

Nathan Fillion: With LA traffic, yes.

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Zoe: Mal, this is NOT the time to play air guitar with your rifle.
 
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"I hate it. It's all 'Castle' this and 'Castle' that."
"Remind me, how is Suburgatory doing?"
"SHUT UP!"

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"Oh, so when you said come play in your box…"

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"…and then I made some joke about my nether regions and batteries."

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"It's really annoying how I need to find some random guy to wipe dog poop off my foot."

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"Why did it have to be horses?!"

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Guy off camera: "Could you tree huggers clear off, we'd like to cut the pole down please."
 
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