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DS9 Caption Contest #10: Everyone is Welcome at Quarks!

LeadHead

Director of Comedy
Premium Member
Hello there Ladies and Gents, the time has come again for a new caption contest. Thank you all for journeying to strange new worlds, now Dock your Runabouts and hit the Promenade for a raktajino, it's time to announce our winners!

First up: For finding the Sci-Fi in everything and making Bashir look like Peter Griffin, our winner is:

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Bashir: *gasps* Look, it's our doubles from the mirror universe!
Sisko: You idiot, that's just our reflections in the water! *grumbles* Genetically engineered, my ass.

Next: For showing us how Worf would really react to being pulled out to a mission like this on such a desolate planet, our winner is:

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Worf: "Here's a quarter. Call someone who gives a damn."

Our next winner exemplifies the feelings of many people about the Bajor bound episodes:

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When Kira was told that Jadzia was "on the fence" on the Bajor hiking trip...she didn't think it was literal.

For showing that there's never a bad time for trivia, our winner is:

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Quark: "'I forget...is you an old man or an old woman?'"
Odo: "'Glory'! 1989! Okay, my turn. Let's see...'How can you be deaf with ears like that?'"

And for revealing that Police movies and Star Trek have more in common than you'd think, our winner is:

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O'Brien: "I envy you, Muniz. Winning the lottery two days before you marry your childhood sweetheart and resign from Starfleet."

Congrats to all of our winners, now we will get rolling again with our next round!

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Quark: And so the Andorian says, 'I will not under any circumstances be in These Are The Voyages...'

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Quark: May I take your order?

Kira and Dax: We'll have what she's having.

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Damar: What do you mean it's ridiculous?

Jem'Hadar: There's no way you could ever be head of the Cardassian Empire!

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Terry Farrell: You see kids, the booze may look real, but it's fake.

Alexander Siddig: It is? This is an outrage!

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Worf: Klingons do NOT use Sweet and Low!
 
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Quark: "Look. Alcohol, antifreeze. They're just words. Running off to Odo and throwing about scandalous words like paralysis and blindness and photonic diarrhea aren't really the best ways to spend what are increasingly likely to be the last moments of your life, don't you agree? Now let's just keep this a secret between you and me and that poor, poor sap behind me."
Man in background: "Did you say something?"
Quark: "No refunds!"


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Director Jonathan Frakes had finally realized that he had forgotten to wear pants that morning.


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Quark: "It says that the refill is free because using the replicator to refill the cup cost me nothing. I never said it was free for you!"
 
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Quark: "Drink up. I hear they want us to do a guest spot on Voyager."

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Quark: "Why is it always Bashir who runs out when the check comes?"

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Cardassian sissy fight!

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Dax: "Made you look!"

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Worf: "See, I have proof you've had a nose job!"
 
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When Quark bumped into Major Kira, he instantaneously felt both the elation of contact and stark terror at the prospect of his impending death.

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Post-match confrontions between Cardassia United and Dominion F.C. fans frequently grew violent.
 
Thanks for the win!

Now to business:

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Quark: So, I'm gonna need ya to send one o' your boys over to the Jewelery Shop at 1400. The clerk's gonna hand'em an emerald necklace. He'll take it you, you'll take off the jewel. Inside, there's a microchip. You'll send another one o' your boys to the dock at port 1. The Andorian captain's gonna take it...and he'll hand over the latinum right there. You got it?

Morn: (thinking) Sheesh. How am I gonna tell him I don't have any "boys"?

Quark: (thinking) ...Heh, heh, heh. Odo, are you in for a goose chase!

Odo in glass by Quark's arm: (thinking) Something's up. Morn doesn't have any "boys"....


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Jem'Hadar Ranter: Cardassian WIMP! DO YOU REALIZE I HAVE KILLED PEOPLE TWICE YOUR SIZE--AND I LOVED IT!

Damar: I assume he is...not usually like this.

Jem'Hadar First: Glinn, do not blame him. For the first time in his life...he has tasted kanar. It apparently does not agree with our anatomy.

Damar: So it would seem....

Jem'Hadar Ranter: I HATE CARDASSIANS--ALL OF THEM! EVERY LAST IOTA OF A CARDIE, I HATE 'EM! YOU WANNA KNOW--HOW I FEEL--ABOUT ALL YOU SMUG, HIGH-AND-MIGHTY, SPOONHEADED--

Jem'Hadar First: I will ensure to discipline him when he is sober.

Damar: I hope so.

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Worf: QUAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARK!!! Do you realize that your mug--on this mug--is counter-productive for my REGUALITY? WHY DO YOU THINK I DESIRE PRUNE JUICE IN THE FIRST PLACE????
 
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QUARK: Put a cork in it. All your crazy talk is scaring away customers.

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KIRA: You'd better not be scanning my ass. And if your are, you'd better not be posting it to the web.

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JEM'HADAR: What I said was Cardassia should be hauled away as garbage!

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DAX: He's the master of his domain.


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WORF: Hit me again...and none of that replicated stuff. I wanna see actual pits!!!!
 
Thanks for the win! :)

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Quark: Morn, it's time to pay your bar tab. Well, you still have that latinum stored in your second stomach, don't you? Just spit some out into my hand, I don't mind.

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Quark: Oh no! It's the Wadi again!
Kira: You think that's bad, look over here, I can see Skreea!
Dax: What is this, the "Return of the Lamest Aliens Ever" episode?

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Damar: I don't know why you're getting so upset, I was just kidding. Besides, you don't even have a mother!

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When Jadzia and Bashir finally gave in to their mutual desire, Jadzia found herself very pleased with a certain 'genetically enhanced' area of the good doctor's anatomy.

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Worf: Damnit Quark, I don't need this now! I just found out that Jadzia cheated on me with Dr. Bashir, and what's worse, his is bigger! Damn genetic enhancements!
 
tell me, why in gods name does every thread in this section eventually lead to worf's penis?

Ohh, it's worse in the TOS contests. Spock's is bifurcated. Bifurcated is like the word-of-the-year over there. :lol:

i freely admit that my english is far from perfect but seriously, what the hell does this mean?
Erm... it means that it branches out into two parts...
For some reason, this is some kind of fanon myth about Spock :vulcan:
Frankly, the only place I've heard about it is Trek BBS.
 
Ohh, it's worse in the TOS contests. Spock's is bifurcated. Bifurcated is like the word-of-the-year over there. :lol:

i freely admit that my english is far from perfect but seriously, what the hell does this mean?
Erm... it means that it branches out into two parts...
For some reason, this is some kind of fanon myth about Spock :vulcan:
Frankly, the only place I've heard about it is Trek BBS.

alright, thanks. i believe we can rule out my lack knowledge of english in this matter. i'm pretty sure CAE doesnt involve these, uhm, expressions.
 
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