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Contest: ENTER DS9 CapCon 157: I, The Constable

Smellincoffee

Commodore
Commodore
Inspired by Odo getting his own book in a week or so, this week we'll play with a set of Odo doing his faithful sheriff bit. But first, the winners from Halloween!

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Kaos - 5th Horseman of the Apocalypse's "It Had to be Said"
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Help me, Benjamin Sisko, you're my only hope.

Herbert's "V for Victory"
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Verily, this vichyssoise of verbiage veers most verbose, so let me simply add that it's my very good honor to meet you and you may call me V.

Bad Thought's "If You Cook It, He Will Come"
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Present Jake: Dad, no!
Future Jake, narating: Losing my father was the most difficult thing I faced as a young man, but that's when I decided I would spend my life trying to get him back ... by perfecting my recipe for mushroom soup.

JirinPanthosa's "Horror Movie Rules of Survival"
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NOG: I'm detecting high levels redshirting.
O'BRIEN: O'Brien to all surviving redshirts. Will you STOP separating out from each other, NOT turn down that next corner alone, make sensible decisions and actually COVER EACH OTHERS' BACKS?
ENSIGN (over com): Let's split up, we'll cover more ground that way!
O'BRIEN: What did I just say?!

Leadhead's "Pillowtalk"
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O'Brien: Wait, we don't use sheets in the 24th Century.
The sheet: Go away, Chief. Nerys is sleeping.
O'Brien: Odo!

Leviathan's "Physician, Heal Thyself"
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Bashir became much more tolerable after the crew chipped in for a few rounds of electro-shock.

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And finally, with the EC, Kick the Can!

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O'Brien: Make a note in the log, Ensign. The Lieutenant died of natural causes.
Nog: NATURAL CAUSES??? Dead on the deck in the middle of an abandoned space station???
O'Brien: Looks that way.
Nog: What do you call those phaser burns there?
O'Brien: Those are self-inflicted.
Nog: The burns are indicative of a Cardassian weapon. She's carrying a Federation phaser.... And it hasn't even been discharged!
O'Brien: She might have disposed of one.
Nog: Sure, first thing she did after phasing herself -
O'Brien: Naturally.
Nog: - And then she crawled over here in the middle of the deck to die of...
O'Brien: Natural causes.
Nog: And those forty seven stab wounds?
O'Brien: What? Where?
Nog: Oh, all across her starboard flank.
O'Brien: She appeared to be a nail biter
Nog: A NAIL BITER???!!!
O'Brien: Lots of people are.
Nog: And the tricorder displaying the life signs of an as-yet unknown third party?
O'Brien: That could be one of us.
Nog: IT'S CARDASSIAN!!!
O'Brien: Garak, then.
Nog: GARAK, WHAT DOES THIS LOOK LIKE TO YOU???
Garak: Hm? Natural causes.
Nog: NATURAL CAUSES??!! DEAD ON THE DECK IN THE MIDDLE OF AN ABANDONED SPACE STATION??!!
O'Brien: A Cardassian Space Station, Ensign.
Garak: He does catch on rather slowly, doesn't he.

And now.....the man in brown, Constable Odo!
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Security nightshift: Ey, chief, don't the friskin' supposed to go the other way?

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Odo: You are not tampering with these people's lives, Quark.
Quark: They nearly destroyed themselves a century from now, Odo! I can hardly do worse.
Besides, I would be saving them from the Vulcans.
 
Thanks for the win!

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Odo: You can ignore the problem all you want but Ensign Ro and Major Kira have very different noses ridges.

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Odo: Rom, you've saved your brother's life and further complicated mine because I will have to relentlessly investigate him forever.

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Odo: (thinking) I don't understand, I sent her information to be added to a list of people not allowed to enter this station...

Security Officer: (thinking) Dang, guess this means Odo will find out I never process any of the paperwork he gives me.

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Odo: 20th Century Earth?! Next time, I do the vacation planning.

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Kira: Odo, I know the Captain's latest dinner recipe wasn't good, but it doesn't actually qualify for the Criminal Activities Report.
 
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WOMAN IN BLUE: God damn...he may not have perfected faces, but he's sure perfected THAT!

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ODO: Who are you? What are you doing on this station?!
BAJORAN: Umm...I live here with my family.
ODO: His story checks out.

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LWAXANA: You haven't perfected humanoid shape, have you? Well why don't you come back to my quarters later and get a little...'constructive feedback'?

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ODO: What are you doing in 20th century Earth Quark?
QUARK: Nothing! I was just going to introduce some really stupid haircuts into humon culture so we could make fun of them in the future.
ODO: Oh, neat idea!

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KIRA: Oh, you're here Odo, now I can start drinking.
ODO: Why do you need me here to start drinking?
KIRA: I just get really paranoid that the water is actually you.
 
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ODO: This guy's list of aliases is like a who's who of evil: Dracula, Scaramanga, Saruman, Dooku.... I'm running him in.
 
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The episode we could have had instead: Quark deliberately travels back in time and accidentally wanders onto the set of one of those "mad scientist stealing your brain for his monster" movies. To teach him a lesson, Odo doesn't tell him it's only a set....
 
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Kira: ...and ANOTHER sighting of that historical assassin 'Colonel West'. This one came from Sisko's father.
 
T4TW Smellincoffee!
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Odo's boots: squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak squeak
Odo: Too much?
Staff: Oh nooo....

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Odo: YOUR QTUBE COMMENTING DAYS ARE OVER, agentbajorange68! HEARD OF THE VERB ACT OF 2342?
agentbajorange68: That moment when he quoted the VERB ACTof 2342


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Lwaxana: Let me fit you for a new suit, Odo.
Odo: But I don't wear -
Lwaxana: STUFF IT, THIS IS HAPPENING.
Odo: Meh, at least it's not Garak this time.

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Odo: - and then she fitted me for a new suit like this!
Quark: Did you at least like the suit??
Odo: Yes, until Worf wore the same one to the Security Ball! He made a red alert Klingon scene.
Quark: And I thought my shuttle took a bad turn fast.

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Kira: It says here that Kai Winn is dating dreamboat farm hunk Anjohl Tennan.
Odo: What are you reading?
Kira: Jem'Hadar Beat.
 
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Quark: We need to get out of here. They're dissecting a lobster in the other room, i saw a professor in a flying chair, a cyclops and there's some sort of robot with a shiny metal ass.

Odo:
CROSSOVER! ...if we're not careful they'll destroy the station with thier high-beams.

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Lwaxana: "Well, don't just sit there, child, help me move this mannequin out of the way."
Odo: "Told you I could fool her."
Goldshirt: "Thanks a lot, ma'am. I just lost 50 credits."
 
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