DS9 CapCon 153: Tonight Is Gonna Be A Gas

[Smellincoffee]

Welcome back, everyone! You may recognize the contest title as a line from Vic Fontaine, as I was tempted to do a Vic-flavored contest. I mixed things up a little, but he's in there!

First up, winners from last week..

JirinPanthosa's HIPAAcratic Oath

BASHIR (Thinking): This is a good place to look over people's private health data.

Triskelion's "Dammit, Ben, I'm a Botanist, Not IT!"

Keiko: You called me all the way up here to do your tech support?? And you're running Windows IE 6??

Leadhead's "Beloved Smother"

Bashir: I think we're being watched.
O'Brien: I'm used to that feeling.


Bad Thoughts' "Alamo Deathmatch"

Quark: The rules are simple. Two men enter, Chief O'Brien leaves. Unless Doctor Bashir has an advantage we don't know about.
Bashir, to himself:This is going to be tougher than the preganglionic fiber thing.

And now, this week's entries, which started off as a Vic Fontaine set but digressed.

 

[Smellincoffee]

Vic: Yeah, business is slow. You ever hear of this 'Sinatra' character?

Vic: I don't care how popular they are, rock and roll enters this club over my dead body!

 

[JirinPanthosa]

Julian Bashir inadvertently causes a diplomatic incident with the ambassador from the Planet of Invisible Women.

VIC FONTAINE: So has lounge music really made a comeback in the 24th century or is it just Dr Bashir?
ODO: From what I understand, twenty years ago for some reason it really pissed off everyone's parents, so now it's nostalgic for humans of approximately the Doctor's age.

BASHIR: Vic, don't you think it's time you got back to the casino program?
VIC: Nah, I got bored of that, now I'm exploring these 1970s scifi programs. I love the campy cheapness, and getting to be the hero!
BASHIR: But...you're Vic Fontaine, you're a singer!
VIC: Look bud, I either have free will or I don't. Don't know what to tell ya.

JACK PACK: Now let's all sing the Medical Ethics song!
(In harmony) A doctor should never abuse his power / You should never visit your patients in the shower / An predatory creep is not a doctor's thing to be / Cause you're in a position of authority!

 

[Bad Thoughts]

Vic: So I was hanging in the lounge with Lucky, who was waiting for a meeting with Meyer Lansky ...
Odo: You mean you were in the mafia!
Vic: Felix programmed me with many cliches. Have you tried my spaghetti sauce?

 

[Laura Cynthia Chambers]

O'Brien: "All right, Julian, you can stop practicing your surprise party face. We really did forget your birthday."

 

[tharpdevenport]

Bashier: "Oh my goodness -- I think I finally found a normal girl. How about we go an--"

"I just feel like singiiiiinnnnnggggg!"

Bashier: "Of course!" throwing his arms up in the air apathetically.

 

[LeadHead]

Bashir: Miles, I will NEVER get into a Holosuite Program about the Alamo!

O'Brien: I'll remember you said that in 10 episodes.

Vic: They're called pockets.You should tell that Garak guy to modify your outfits to have them.

Vic: Let me out of this episode!!!

Bashir: Very funny, you know full well my name is Doctor Bashir. You don't have to sing that theme.

 

[Bad Thoughts]

Lauren: Do-Re-Mi, Do-Re-Mi, Fa-Mi-Re
Patrick: Do-Re-Mi, Do-Re-Mi, Fa-Mi-Re
Jack: Do-Re-Mi, Do-Re-Mi, Fa-Mi-Re
Sarina: Do-Re-Mi, Do-Re-Mi, Fa-Mi-Re
Me, Bad Thoughts, watching the episode: They paid for the whole fucking Sinatra catalog, but they wouldn't spring for Rogers and Hammerstein?!

 

[Triskelion]

T4TW Smellincoffee!

Bashir: And then I said No way, and he said Yes way, and I said NO WAY and he said YES WAY!!! AND SO ARE YOU!!! And I was like - WHOOOAAAA!!! NO WAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
O'Brien: And you really had no idea Garak was gay?
Bashir: NO WAY!!! And you won't believe what he had to say about your holoprograms!
O'Brien: NO WAY!!!!

Just remember, piano man - dolls can fake it too.

O'Brien: Wait - how is Vic a human being in this universe, but none of the rest of us are that different?
Intendent: I'm a pain in the ass here, does that count?
O'Brien: Not really....

Jack: ♪ ♫ Mamaaaa, just killed a man....
Lauren: My heart will go on.....♪ ♫
Sarina: ♪ ♫ Let it go, let it go....
Patrick: It's been a long road, gettin' from there to here.... ♪ ♫
Others: !@#$% <disperse>

 

[tharpdevenport]

Bashier: "And then they touched fingers and he said good-bye and Elliot was crying and the ship took off and there was this rainbow," motioning with his hands.

O'Brien: "First time seeing 'E.T.', huh?"

Old Man: "LOL, he was totally crying."

 

[Qonundrum]

Bashier: "Dax finally realized it was this big and she was happy. Wanna try it?"

O'Brien: "Discussing her diet results again, eh Julian?"

Dax: "You're both wrong."

 

[Bad Thoughts]

Thanks for the win, Smellin Coffee!

Bashir: He pulled down his pants, and his prostate ...
O'Brien: Julian, you can't talk about that. Rhino,or Hippo, or something.
Dax, giggling: HIPAA?
O'Brien: Yeah, that.
Bashir: Sorry, Miles, but in the 24th century, not only can I talk openly about your medical results, especially with the captain, but discussing them with you might be a violation of the prime directive.
O'Brien: So you think I'm a primitive life form!

 

[Triskelion]

Bashir: And then I said, "Ladies, ladies, only two at a time!"
O'Brien: And then what happened?
Bashir: Then they muscled the key for the ladies room out of my hand and went in anyway.

 

[Bad Thoughts]

Vic: We all live in the Matrix. Get over it. Now beat it, or I'll call in my friends Moriarty and Minuet to pump some "holographic" bullets into you. Ain't that right, Miss Annie?

 

[f14peter]

VIC: "I'm tellin' ya Odo, life is treating me real bad right now ... nobody's coming to my show anymore and this joint is losing dough hand over fist ... my ol' lady just dumped me, ran off with my busboy ... the casino owner wants to boot me outta my penthouse and let his bimbos stay there ... the IRS is auditing me, don't know why they're so bent over me forgetting to pay a few hundred-grand in taxes ... now I just found out my tailor left town ... yep, it's a dog-eat-dog world and I'm gettin' the ol' milkbone dog biscuit treatment"

ODO: "Um, Vic ... you're a hologram"

VIC: "Oh thanks a lot pally, kick me when I'm down will ya"

 

[Smellincoffee]

New contest mañana!