Contest: ENTER DS9 CapCon 149: She's a Rebel

[Smellincoffee]

Welcome back to another captain contest, and this week we're on the straight and narrow with actual DS9 shots. Since the last contest was a special, I'm dispensing with the usual awards and highlighting the funniest with...the Ed Wood Award!

(None of these people is actually Ed Wood. The only photographs of him are monstrously dull. So...here's Johnny Depp as Ed Wood. For those who don't know who Ed Wood was, he did Plan 9 from Outer Space and a few other so-bad-they're-good flicks.)


JirinPanthosa's "Redshirts, Red Exoskeltons"

INSECT: Lieutenant Bratsky to Defiant! I've made contact with the enemy! Taking heavy fire from ancient Earth projectile weapons!

And now, this week's entries, back to characters we know and full color.

==================================

 

[Triskelion]

Bela Lugosi: Computer, end program! Computer, end program! Ah, shit.

 

[Bad Thoughts]

Eddington: Ready? 1, 2, 3, 1 "Do you hear the people sing?/Singing the songs of angry men! ..."
Security Ensign standing out: Why are we rehearsing these old songs?
Eddington: Because revolting against the Federation requires intimate knowledge of Victor Hugo's works in all their iterations, including Broadway musicals.

Eddington: Sorry, but "shooting first" is apparently necessary for my future rehabilitation from scoundrel to complex hero.

Yates: I used to have an Lady Shick Electric Razor that looked like that.

 

[Nerys Myk]

YATES: Sorry Ben, but once you go blue nothing else wll do.

 

[JirinPanthosa]

tftw!

BOLIAN: What do you think? Can we take 'em?
KASSIDY: Umm...

SISKO: Odo! Make sure to treat Kassidy with the appropriate double standard befitting the Captain's girlfriend!

EDDINGTON: Yeah, about your constant morally superior act for fighting in the resistance? You got served.

EDDINGTON: Now, we are under threat of Maquis attack. So our plan of defense is to shut down the nation's shields and lock ourselves in all our quarters.
SECURITY OFFICER: Umm...sir? These are strange orders, they seem like they make the station a lot less secure.
EDDINGTON: Are you questioning an order?
SECURITY OFFICER: No sir!
EDDINGTON: *snicker*
SECURITY OFFICER: What was that? I thought I just heard you snickering.
EDDINGTON: You know I really don't like the cut of your jib.

 

[Leviathan]

CraigsList: $15k quatloos, 2371 early model, 250k parsecs. NX Class Starship for sale, hardly used barely abused. Engine swapped so mileage is low! Has the early-model colored carpet everyone loves. Light scarring from Breen weapons fire, easily fixed. Located in chin'toka. Sold as-is where-is. No scammers or time wasters please.

Bolian: Seems nice, let's buy that one.

 

[Laura Cynthia Chambers]

Eddington: "I want to know who started it. I'm waiting."
Guy on the left: "I really hate it when his Kirk complex manifests..."

 

[Tenacity]

Isn't that guy in the middle Lenny from Law and Order?

 

[Quark'sNutsack]

Phaser equipped with Anti Hypocrisy setting for those stubborn, hard to reach Hypocrites : 12 bars of Latinum

Fully equipped, fully stocked Stolen Maquis Traitor ship:
275,000 bars of Latinum

Getting Busted with the Captain's Woman: PRICELESS

 

[Laura Cynthia Chambers]

Yellow guy: "Get a load of that retro-pulse meter. Seven degrees of spectral flux! I used to have one..."
Yellow girl: "Yeah, and I love what you've done with the decor! Those Amcovian mosaic panels really add a splash of color, don't they?"
Odo: "Quiet, you two! We're supposed to be confrontational, not gushing."

 

[Tenacity]

Post removed by moderator.

 

[TheSeeker]

@Tenacity, rape jokes are not funny. If I see something like that again it will result in an infraction.

 

[Tenacity]

^ Understood.

 

[Leviathan]

Kira: Ah! Curse your sudden but inevitable betrayal!

 

[Laura Cynthia Chambers]

Rejected Episode Ideas #533: "Forget Me Not" - After learning of the "doorway effect", Sisko vows not to go through any doors. Ever again. Can Bashir and Odo talk him down, or will he be doomed to remain in the same room forever?

 

[Smellincoffee]

Eddington:... that wasn't a laser pointer. Oh dear.

Eddington: We few, we happy few, we band of brothers --
Ensign Stan: -- or sisters --
Eddington: This is Starfleet, mister. We don't improvise on SHAKESPEARE!

Sisko: Tear this station apart until you've found those plans, and bring me the Maquis -- I WANT THEM ALIVE!

Sisko: There will be a substantial reward for the one who finds Eddington. You may use any methods necessary, but I want him alive. NO DISINTEGRATIONS.

 

[ironnerd]

One month after Ceti Alpha Six exploded...

(Not DS9, but I could not resist)

Vic Fontain: We were about two hours from Deep Space 9 when the drugs began to take hold. I was travelling with Commander Tomalak and his Vulcan "niece" T'ZANG. We had picked up a dabo girl and Morn on the way out of Quarks. I was surprised to find Captain Garth waiting for us at the docking ring, but he was desperate to get off the station. He said he would just sit quietly in the back of the runabout, and he promised not to smoke. I figured "What the hell... I've already escaped the holosuite, what's one more plot complication?" Besides, he might come in handy if we run into a Cardassian patrol. How long, I thought, until the bad vibes creep in on us, and we are forced to eat that poor bastard Morn? Was that out loud? Did he hear me?
"Dammit, Tomalak! It's your turn to drive! I need my medicine!"

 

[Triskelion]

Eddington: That's for the moxie.
...
Eddington: I hate moxie.

Eddington: Not at all, Ensign, accidental discharges happen all the time. Now if someone could just hand me back my hand we'll all take ten. Well - I guess I'll just be taking five.

Sisko: Now find out if Kassidy took my big jambalaya spoon! Oh and the other thing with the Maquis.

Kassidy: "Starfleet vessel, please stand by while we lower our shields."
Defiant: NO!
Kassidy: "Very well, please beam directly through our shields."
Defiant: NO! WE WILL WAIT FOR YOU TO LOWER YOUR SHIELDS AND THEN BEAM OVER!
Bolian: That is one appropriately-named ship.

Sisko: Odo, please make a note in the log that we caught them red-handed.
Odo: I'm going to have to arrest you for ordering me to falsify my security log.
Sisko: Do I have to argue with you until I'm blue in the face again??
Odo: Don't think I won't add sensitivity training to your jail time, punk!

 

[LeadHead]

Sisko: Defiant to Kassidy. Did you turn the stove off before you left?

Sisko: NOBODY TOUCHES MY PEPPERS!

Eddington: She came at me! With a phaser and a chainsaw...

Eddington: Now, Major Kira is out and Commander Dax doesn't care what I do, so we can execute this plan easily with me making an easy escape.

Sisko: You're going to jail. It's a big step.

 

[Bad Thoughts]

Sisko: Are conjugal visits good for you?