DS9 CapCon 147: Identity Theft!

Kira?: It's been so long, I don't even recognize myself!

 

O'BRIEN: Don't I know you?
MILES: You sure do. I'm Brian O. Miles. We served on the Enterprise together. I was the relief Conn Officer.

 

Bashir: Could we program the hologram to think it's me?
Zimmerman: Hmm.
Bashir: Problem simulating real personalities?
Zimmerman: Oh, please. A little smug charm here, pointless stories about lost loves and med school -- but even I can't match your massively inflated ego.


Fortunately for Quark, the Major never learned who installed the trick holomirror in her quarters.


Sisko: Surrender peacefully or we'll fi-
Klingons: (full volley)
Sisko: ...nevermind.


O'Brien: Garak asked me to sent you a message.
Sisko:I don't like the way this looks, chief.
O'Brien: He said you requested some alterations. He won't be able to make the appointment, but sent this along. Does the work automatically.

 

O'Brien: Respectfully request that you order Quark to stop serving green ale and playing "Danny Boy" ad nauseum, sir.
Sisko: I can't help that people like green beer, chief.
O'Brien: What if I tweaked the replicators so that they created raktajinos every time someone ordered a green beer?
Sisko, sotto: Approved.

 

Sisko: There's no need to get upset Chief, we really DON'T assign you all the 'torture' missions. Look, if you don't want to take the mission to Toturelon 5 to meet the Great Tormentor and fix his Probe-u-lator you don't have to.

 

O'Brien: "It's Felix's newest program. Miles O'Brien, Irish Ninja Warrior. What do you think?"
Sisko: "I think you should be glad you were able to bend time and space sufficiently to grab your own ill-aimed ninja star, or we'd be having this conversation in the brig."

 

"Home Alone 69: Cardassia"

 

Meaney: You will be in the documentary!

 

Kira: "Quark, about that mudpack you sold me...this stuff does come off, right?"
Quark: "That's what my cousin Derm told me."
Kira: "Derm? Wasn't he the one who once tried to sell you a latinum tree?"
Quark: "Yeah. I was 7. Your point?"
Kira: "Something tells me he hasn't changed a bit...Kira to infirmary..."

 

One week warning!


Kira: Oh, prophets, I just realized we're a week away from April 1st.

 

O'Brien's decision to take hostages until the contest was judged was a last act of desperation.