DS9 CapCon 147: Identity Theft!

[Smellincoffee]

Welcome back to another round of captioning, people, and as an aside....this past month marked the THIRD YEAR I've been doing this contest. Thanks to everyone who keeps playing along!

First, last week's winners from Return of the Sisko:

Leviathan's "Akbar Maneuver"

Admiral Ross: IT'S A TRAP! IT'S A TRAP!!!!!
Sisko: <sigh> He approved that whole battle-plan just so he could make that reference joke.

Triskelion's "It's Always Mardis Gras"

Sisko: I can live with it. I can live with it. Computer, delete that whole salad and give me a banana split.


Laura Cynthia Chamber's "Sisko Zazen"

Quark: "Hey, Captain-"
Sisko: "NotnowI'mmeditating."
Quark: "That's what you said the last twenty times I tried to start a conversation."
Sisko: "Really? And it hasn't sunk in yet?"


Nerys Myk's "Marooned for All Eternity"

SISKO: Don't worry, we'll be back to check on you. Like Kirk did with Khan.

Leviathan's "I'm NOT PICARD!"

Dukat: Tell me how many lights you see!

And finally...

Congrats, tharpdevenport!

Sisko: "I never know what to say in these blasted dating videos."
O'Brien (filming): "Sir, just try to be yourself."

Sisko: "Hi, I'm Benjamin Sisko, a Starfleet officer. I recently became single when I left my wife for dead on my previous command which blew up. I'm not perfect. I've lied. I've cheated. I've bribed a man to cover up the crimes of other men. I'm an accessory to murder. But perhaps my biggest flaw of all: I've been able to live with it. Easily. Hell, if I had to do it all over again, I would. Why? Reasons.

But other than that, I'm a good guy. Sure my dating choices have been poor, sure I'm the target of galactic murder, sure I'm always moody, but what man doesn't have his flaws.

So, if you'd like to imperil your life on a regular basis and have uncomfortable nights of my own personal inner rage spewed forth in angry rantings, while occassionally bugging out because of war, while getting to know my teenage son who never got over his mother's death, then I'm your man.

How's that, cheif?"

O'Brien: "Ahhh ... that was okay, but could you make it a little less life-threatening and more desirable to those who want a stable long life?"

Sisko: "UGH, okay. Let me know when you're ready."

O'Brien: "Okay, ready."

Sisko: "Hi, I'm Benjamin Sisko and I'm single, employed, and have goals. Pick me and your days will be filled with unexpected surprises."

O'Brien: "Better."

And now, THIS WEEK's ENTRIES! Featuring moments in which our crew's identity was tested/played with/stolen etc.

 

[Smellincoffee]

Bashir: Damn, I should skip shaving more often.

Kira suddenly realized maybe she used a bit too much foundation.

O'Brien: I stand here conflicted. I have been successful in creating not only another artificial intelligence like Data, but one that looks exactly like me. And yet the only reason I made it was so that it could receive all the hell that finds me on this station, and I could just play darts.

Sisko: I've come to kick ass and drink raktajino, and I'm all out of raktajino!
..get me another or we'll FIRE!

O'Brien: By the by, commander, I'd like to take a moment to discuss the wage situation in re: the engineering department.
Sisko: We're Starfleet, chief. There are no wages.
O'Brien: Hence my problem.

 

[Nerys Myk]

Damn it, Quark! What was in that face cream you sold me??!!!

 

[tharpdevenport]

Like Geordi, I made it at the last second. But you forgot the opening clines above the picture.

"Oh my God -- do I really look that effeminate?"

 

[Triskelion]

T4TW Smellincoffee! Has it been three years already? Congratulations!

Bashir': You know what this is, don't you?
Bashir": What?
Bashir': A Paradox.
Bashir": That's so funny I'm beside myself!

THE HORROR!!! WHAT HAPPENED TO MY HAIR!!! IT LOOKS LIKE - A WOMAN'S!!!

Miles: How many lights do I see? Well that depends. Subtract your dimensional tolerances from the ISO standards, and multiply it by four. Are we finished here?

Jodmos, son of Kobor: BRAG ALL YOU WANT - BUT DON'T STAND BETWEEN ME AND THE JUDY GARLAND COLLECTOR PLATES!!!

O'Brien: Move and I'll put a hole in you!
Sisko: Isn't that a piercing gun?
O'Brien: Well, I didn't lie.
Sisko: Could you make it a hole for each nipple then? Otherwise it would just look weird.

 

[Laura Cynthia Chambers]

Thanks so much!

Left Bashir: "We're genetically enhanced geniuses, doctors, and Starfleet officers, and you can't think of a better use for two of us on Deep Space Nine than pretending there's a large pane of reflective glass in the middle of the room and watching people try not to crash into it?"
Right Bashir: "Come on, it'll be fun. Lighten up, smarty pants."
Left Bashir: "That's Doctor Smarty Pants."
Right Bashir: "Are we always this grouchy at 0700?"

"Well, look at it this way, Doctor; at least when you use the royal we, it'll make sense now."

 

[tharpdevenport]

Current Bashier: "Oh my God -- it's me!"

Future Bashier: "Brace yourself -- I'm you ... from the future!"

Current Bashier: "Wow! There's so nmuch you can tell m--"

Future Bashier: "Three minutes from the future. I accidentally stepped into a temporal hiccup in a corridor."

Current Bashier: "Oh. That seems rather useless."

Future Bashier: "I thought so, too."

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Radio voice: ...and G'mtok hits a grounder to left...K'vak picks it up, throws to second, he tags ...DOUBLE PLAY! Wait a minute...G'mtok doesn't agree with the call! He's calling the umpire a petaQ! And G'mtok's charging the mound...he's got his mek'leth out...and he's disemboweled the pitcher!

Iliana Ghemor: DAMN them! I had a thousand leks on that game!

 

[Leviathan]

thanks for the win x 2!

Kira's guilty pleasure was her fangirl obsession with "Keeping up with the Cardassians"

 

[Leviathan]

Sisko was unprepared for the typical Klingon response to "whoa, that spider is HUGE"

 

[Triskelion]

O'Brien: Teach Keiko how to cook shepherd's pie or I'll turn you into shepherd's pie.
Sisko: Look, I can teach her, but she's still going to put a squid in there.

 

[JirinPanthosa]

LEFT BASHIR: So there's another Julian Bashir in this universe.
RIGHT BASHIR: You look exactly the same as I do.
LEFT BASHIR: And you're also genetically engineered?
RIGHT BASHIR: What? Genetically engineered? No, I'm just a normal person. I accomplished everything through talent and hard work. Didn't you?
LEFT BASHIR: Suddenly I feel depressed.

KIRA: I HATE Captain Sisko's policy of mandatory costumes for human Halloween!

RIGHT O'BRIEN: Is this alternate universe me?
LEFT O'BRIEN: Technically you're alternate universe me.
RIGHT O'BRIEN: Let's not get into semantics. How did you get into such rough shape?
LEFT O'BRIEN: Well, I was arrested by Klingons on false charges and held in Klingon prison for five years where I had to defend myself against constant brawls. When I finally escaped I was stranded on the Lava Moon of Dorinth where got a disease which randomly erases my memory every few years. This was finally cured and I found I had a wife and child when I couldn't remember Keiko who died horribly before my eyes, and I keep remembering how they died in random bursts of painful vivid memories then forgetting again.
RIGHT O'BRIEN: Wow, you really have it easy.

The day Klingons evolved into energy beings. They kept brawling and drinking and killing each other, except now they were energy beings.

SMILEY: You're coming with me to the alternate universe.
SISKO: Good. I've been kind of angry lately and it will be nice to be in a universe of no consequence where I can kill whoever I feel like.

 

[kkt]

SMILEY: You're coming with me to the alternate universe.
SISKO: Good. I've been kind of angry lately and it will be nice to be in a universe of no consequence where I can kill whoever I feel like.

Nice job passing over the whole "and have sex with someone who thinks I'm someone else" issue

 

[tharpdevenport]

O'Brien: "It's nothing personal, sir, it's just that this is what I'd do for a Klondike bar."

 

[Bad Thoughts]

Holo Bashir: Yeah, baby!
Real Bashir: Are ... are you just like me?
Holo Bashir: O, bee-have!
Real Bashir: What's going on here?
Zimmerman (off-screen): I incorporated your love of the 20th century spy genre into his personality.
Holo Bashir: As long as I can have promiscuous sex with my patients, I'll be sound as a pound!
Real Bashir: That's not ethical ... I think.
Holo Bashir: Now to show Jadzia my genetically-enhanced mojo!
Real Bashir, whispering: Don't mention that.

 

[Bad Thoughts]

MIrror O'Brien: I'm arresting you for failure to pay child support.
Sisko: What!?
Mirror O'Brien: For the child you had with MIrror Jadzia.
Dax, off screen: What!?

 

[Laura Cynthia Chambers]

Personal log, Remanal Broh: (naming that guy in the background - or does he already have a name?) I didn't see this. I didn't see this. I didn't - oh, heck, I'm dead.

 

[tharpdevenport]

MIrror O'Brien: I'm arresting you for failure to pay child support.
Sisko: What!?
Mirror O'Brien: For the child you had with MIrror Jadzia.
Dax, off screen: What!?

Mirror O'Brien: "And because reportedly you called her 'Old man' during it."

 

[Nerys Myk]

BASHIR (thinking): Good lord. They get keep getting younger and younger. When did this kid graduate Med School? Last week?

 

[Finn]

Chief Engineer's Log: ...That makes...five...NO! Make that six. I almost forgot the time Wesley duplicated everyone aboard the Enterprise when Deanna's mother was aboard.