Contest: ENTER DS9 CapCon 143: Bad Boys, Whatchoo Gonna Do?

[Smellincoffee]

Annnd we're back!

Tharpdevenport's "Barber Gets His Cut"

Next time it's better just to pay your barber with strips of gold-pressed latinum then have him pay you a little visit.


Triskelion's "In Space, No One Can Hear You Pun"

O'Brien: I guess you could say someone - "blue" him away.
<crickets>
O'Brien: Anybody? No? Oh come on, that one was pure latinum! I mean - "BLUE" him away?! It's bloody hilarious! Is their a medium of oxygen in this room to transmit sound or have we sprung a leak or something?

Finn's Win is "REAAALLLL! I CREATED IT AND IT'S REAALLL!"

Sisko: It's Faaake!!!

Bad Thoughts' "Quark, on the Other Hand..."

Jack Shearer: The coat? It was apparently made for some two-bit player name Ethan Philips, but even he could not stomach it.

Congratulations, Nerys Myk!

Bolian: We're ready for Black Friday. That 60" UHD TV will be mine.

And now, this week's pictures -- but please remember:

GOLDSHIRTS is filmed ON LOCATION with the MEN AND WOMEN of Starfleet Security. All suspects are INNOCENT until PROVEN GUILTY in a COURT OF LAW.

 

[Smellincoffee]

That moment when you realize you're the only redshirt in a first response squad.

Fun fact: Klingon singing trios are barred from the Promenade.

Crowd: What'd you do, doc?
Bashir: Murder, first degree.
Security: He forgot to fill out the appropriate forms when he used a non-Federation carrier to transport medicine to the station. We're just taking him in to rectify the situation.
Bashir: I AIN'T GOIN BACK TO THE JOINT, Y'HEAR?!

 

[Nerys Myk]

GOLDIE: Ha! And they said starting an intergalactic war just to use genetic testing to track down the 23rd Century's greatest war criminal would never work!!!
CARTWRIGHT: Wow and people called me extreme.

BAJORAN 1: Klingons!!!
BAJORAN 2: Relax, we've fought Cardassians. These guys are a joke compared to them!
KLINGON1: We can hear you!!!!!
KLINGON 2: He has a point

REDDY: It's my first Away mission. Do you think I'll be safe?
GOLD LEADER: Sweetie, it's the 24th Century, the only way you'd be safer would be if your name was in the opening credits.

 

[JirinPanthosa]

REDSHIRT: Wait, this seems familiar. I suddenly feel like I am going to die on this away mission.
GOLD SHIRT IN FRONT: I thought they weren't supposed to remember previous loops.
BERNARD: Cease all motor functions. Bring the redshirt to maintenance.

WOMAN: Found it. I strongly recommend you stop cloaking your hearing aid.
JOSEPH: It's embarrassing.

BAJORAN 1: Why don't we just use the super-advanced computers to fire stun lasers at all Klingon life signs?
BAJORAN 2: Wouldn't be as dramatiAHHHHHH!

BASHIR: Psht. #GeneticallyEngineeredLivesMatter

 

[Nerys Myk]

BASHIR: It's not what it looks like!
WOMAN: So you and the Chief weren't roleplaying in the holosuites and discovered you lost the key?
BASHIR: Okay, it's exactly what it looks like.

 

[Triskelion]

T4TW Smellincoffee!

Redshirt: Are these the Brian Setzer lookalike tryouts?
Goldshirt: No, we are just really into pomade.

Ensign Goldie: Tomato juice. He checks out.
Joseph: Actually it's last night's jambalaya special.
Lt. No Helmet: Oh that explains the human centipede of explosive diarrhea that came through here about midnight.

Bajoran: I told them feety pajamas would make being taken seriously by Klingons an issue. But did they listen? Nooooooooooo!

Deputy: Parading the prisoner through the Promenade was a great idea.
Bashir: A THOUSAND BARS OF LATINUM TO ANYONE WHO PUSHES THE OFF BUTTON ON MY HOLDING CELL!
Deputy: Parading the prisoner thorugh the Promenade was not a great idea.

 

[Bad Thoughts]

Thanks for the win, Smellincoffee!

Bajoran 1: What's Odo waiting for? Why won't he shoot?
Bajoran 2: He doesn't like guns. He doesn't allow them on the Promenade/
Barjoan 1: A little late for that.
Bajoran 2: And he doesn't carry one.
Bajoran 1: Well, can't he turn into something useful, like a plasma cannon, a Galting gun, or even a balllista?
Bajoran 2: Take it up at the next staff meeting
Bajoran 1 explodes and he falls over into a pile of guts.
Bajoran 2: And that's how Odo always wins the argument.

Joseph, mumbling under breath: Blood tests!? When my son gets home, I'm going to shove that "easy to be a saint in paradise" speech so far up his ...
Goldshirt: You check out, you're not a changeling.
Joseph: Of course, I'm ...
Golshirt: But your BAC is .16%. Your son says you must stay home.
Joseph: It's Mardi Gras! Damn it, Ben!

 

[Finn]

Thanks for the win

Bashir: This would make a great holosuite program. Add several Nausicaans and it would be perfect.

 

[tharpdevenport]

Klingon Leader: "Behold out fierce Klingon warrior skills of standing in an easily targettable clump!"

First Lieutenant Klingon: "Cower in fear over our amazing ability to hit rails and other low-profile objects while you stand out in the open with no protection!"

 

[Leviathan]

Security: Yup, traces of 'Star Wars' in the blood stream.
Joseph Sisko: It was just a voiceover on the radio series...nobody would remember. You can't execute me for that?
Security: You are part of the 'Star Wars' and a traitor! Take him away!

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Klingons (singing): "Stop...in the name of Kahless...before we break your neck..."

Bajoran deputies: Oh Prophets. Dozens of Klingon boarding parties on this station and we get the Kronos Idol rejects.

 

[Finn]

BASHIR: I wish it was Jadzia taking me away...

 

[Triskelion]

Klingon 1: Q'Plaaaaaaaa...
Klingon 2: Q'Plaaaaaaaa...
Klingon 3: Q'Plaaaaaaaa...
Klingons: Q'PLA!
Bajoran: Oh that's adorable.

 

[Leviathan]

Bashir: Don't we have transporters for prisoner transfers?
Security: Pointing out plot holes will only add to your sentence...

 

[Leviathan]

Bajorans: WAIT! You are Redshirts. We are Redshirts. We have a common enemy. We must band together...and destroy the Main Characters!
Klingons: But how? They are unkillable!
Bajorans: We have a way. We call it 'Enterprise'.

 

[The Laughing Vulcan]

You can always tell who was on the Starfleet Academy soccer team, as they always lined up as if facing a free kick close to the goal mouth.

Joseph: "So what happens to all the blood samples that you take."
Blonde: "They're supplied to our vampire overlords... I mean, they are disposed of in an ethical and medically safe way."

Odo offscreen "I don't care if it's the Klingon festival of Ind'Pn'Dns D'y. Throwing fireworks on the promenade is prohibited!"

Bystander 1: "What'd he do? Is he a Mexican or a Muslim or something?"
Bystander 2: "Worse, he's an SNL cast member."
Bystander 1: "There's no coming back from that."

 

[Nerys Myk]

BASHIR: How many times are you going to frogmarch me around the Promenade? We've passed the turbolift four times!
GOLD SHIRT: 'til everyone Quark sold a ticket to gets a chance to shout or spit on you.

 

[Bad Thoughts]

Siddig: I hope that all these people are just extras. They were absolutely dreadful when they acted on Babylon 5.

 

[Finn]

Sisko: (OS) We need a couple guys to die on the away mission. Let's use those guys.

 

[Smellincoffee]

Eddington: Disperse! Disperse! First rule of plotting, DON'T LOOK LIKE YOU'RE PLOTTING! You people are the worst minions ever.

Bajorans: AND THIS IS FOR THE TRIBBLES!

Ensign: Security check complete. Mr. Sisko is not a Klingon. You can go about your business.
Guy in Back: Wait, aren't we supposed to be checking if he's a changeling?
Ensign: ...well, shoot.