I carry two pens, one mechanical pencil, and one black sharpie in my front left pocket
phone, knife or leatherman, and keys in my front right pocket. my keys are on a 3.75" brass swivel eye snap hook which I clip to the outside corner of my pocket
wallet in my back right pocket
What about the pocket protector? The ensemble wouldn't be complete without it!

I also make a lot of noise when I eat. Not lip-smacking slurping gross noises or anything like that, but a lot of "mmmm"s, and "yum"s, and "Aaaaah"s. When I was 14 or so my mom, sisters, and a friend of mine were eating dinner together (mom'd made a really nice arroz con pollo), and my mother remarked on what a noisy eater I was. She said, "You know, people who are noisy eaters are loud in bed!" Fortunately, I'm not the type to be embarrassed.