Do you ever feel inferior?

[Holdfast]

... I'm so cool that every time I break out the ouija board, James Dean says "Just Die Already".

Well, I'm not sure if I am talking about the same feelings: when I fail at something, I feel it very keenly. I mean, there are obviously loads of things that I suck at doing, and that's ok: we can't be good at everything. But when I fail at something I should be good at, or something I care greatly about, it stings. I guess it's normal to have some kind of insecurities. But for me it's more a matter of bruised ego than real feelings of inadequacy. My self-doubt is not usually expressed in the form of "maybe I'm not good enough?", but rather "maybe I'm not as good as I thought?". Fact is, usually my reaction is to burn away those doubts and convince myself as hard as I can that "fuck yes! I am as good as I though, dammit! This is just a small road bump". However, in all honesty, the question remains how would I react when I fail at something I care so spectacularly that I couldn't keep pushing it. Will I become wiser and accept my limit? I hope so. But mostly, I hope I will never find out.

If it happens, you'll probably be just fine. In time.

I took a series of hits to my pride towards the end of my first and second years at Oxford. From being used to being considered utterly brilliant at academic stuff, I had to readjust to being considered capable enough, but far from the best. And much later on, in the early years of my career, I had to realise that the system I was working in didn't respect me as much as I felt it should and the system made me do a lot of things I truly resented, felt were unnecessary, if not outright counter-productive. That was another hit to my pride, and my ego.

In hindsight, these knocks were all very useful, letting me shed external validation as a means of ego support, and forcing me to understand what actually made me happy, on a deeper level. Then I could plan and reorientate my life to meet those goals in time, which has been the most useful thing I could possibly have done.

So don't fear it; it might hurt at the time, but you'll appreciate it in the long term.

 

[opali]

It was my grandpa that turned me around. He used to tell me that it didn't matter what other people thought of me, only what I thought of myself.

That's very true and it's something I've often told others after learning it myself.

Every so often I still encounter someone who seems a little too hellbent on belittling me or someone else. I've learned to push back when appropriate. Otherwise they take silence as permission to continue their shitty behaviour.

Sometimes a well placed "fuck you" can do wonders for your peace of mind.

Great thoughts. I share similar thoughts with my daughters as well. I want them to understand they have the power and in many cases dictate how they will be treated. I remind them not to give others permission to treat them badly.
It's just a grown-up's advice though and they have to implement it to see it work. One of those lessons learned the hard way. The push back has to come from the hard earned self-confidence inside.

I had a real fight to gain what I have now, and I've learned to accept that the shit I get myself into isn't anyone else's fault, and also to credit myself for the accomplishments too. Well, pretty much learned it...I always seem to have more to learn about myself.

Holdfast, that is so true and very good advice. If you are doing something that is deeply satisfying, then mistakes you make, or failures, aren't as much of a blow to your pride as they are an experience that moves you forward.

 

[captcalhoun]

All the time. My boss goes out of his way to belittle me and make me feel stupid. It's a source of entertainment for him to constantly pick on me. He says it's a "joke". No matter how many times I tell him it's not funny, he can't stop himself. I try not to let it get to me to much as I know he's probably just trying to feel better about himself as he weighs about 450 pounds. Sometimes I just want to kill him.

report him to his superior(s) immediately for bullying.

 

[MeanJoePhaser]

All the time. My boss goes out of his way to belittle me and make me feel stupid. It's a source of entertainment for him to constantly pick on me. He says it's a "joke". No matter how many times I tell him it's not funny, he can't stop himself. I try not to let it get to me to much as I know he's probably just trying to feel better about himself as he weighs about 450 pounds. Sometimes I just want to kill him.

Sounds like he's killing himself...with food. Offer him some donuts, help nature take its course.

 

[Kail]

All the time. My boss goes out of his way to belittle me and make me feel stupid. It's a source of entertainment for him to constantly pick on me. He says it's a "joke". No matter how many times I tell him it's not funny, he can't stop himself. I try not to let it get to me to much as I know he's probably just trying to feel better about himself as he weighs about 450 pounds. Sometimes I just want to kill him.

report him to his superior(s) immediately for bullying.

He's the owner of the company I manage. My only recourse is to quit, and that's not a viable option at this time.

 

[sbk1234]

I only feel inferior when I'm awake, or when I'm sleeping.

Seriously, it's the typical feeling of mine. I often find it happens the more time I spend with my parents, brother, extended family.

The sad part is, I probably shouldn't feel like this, since I have accomplished most of what I most wanted to with my life. But how I feel is how I feel.

 

[Captain Shaw]

Most of the time i feel inferior i am 27 still living at home because all i can find is temp work and i know i am not the smartest person in the world.
I don't really have any friends also I have trouble mixing with people which makes temping even harder also makes me a target for the work place bitches.
My one goal at the moment is just to stay away from the job center.

 

[Amaris]

Most of the time i feel inferior i am 27 still living at home because all i can find is temp work and i know i am not the smartest person in the world.
I don't really have any friends also I have trouble mixing with people which makes temping even harder also makes me a target for the work place bitches.
My one goal at the moment is just to stay away from the job center.

Don't feel bad. I'm serious. You've got more going for you than you know.

 

[An Officer]

I sometimes have the opposite problem, I don't always feel as humble as I should. Of course I feel inferior at times, especially when I'm mixed in with a new, unfamiliar group, I think that's pretty common though. With those I am close to, I rarely feel inferior, even if I seriously should sometimes!

I actually really enjoy being with those better accomplished than I am... I do not suffer inferiority, usually a sincere appreciation of brilliance. I am usually the bum in the group, professionally and academically speaking, but I don't see myself that way, nor do those I spend my time with. Individuals consist of more than just their various certificates and career choices, and the type of people I enjoy recognise that.

 

[Theodore Jay Miller]

Not actually inferior, more like I'm some kind of alien among humans.

 

[melancholymecha]

all the time...

 

[LitmusDragon]

Oddly even very successful people can feel inferior. Anecdotally, John Lennon and Elvis both had massive inferiority complexes.

I'm quite certain I'm inferior to other people in certain areas. Just about any average person is much better at social interaction than I am, for example. I'm also terrible at reading body language. On the other hand I have tremendous recall.

I'm OK with the fact that there are people who are better than me at certain things.

 

[Yeoman Randi]

Absolutely although it has been getting better the older i get. I use to feel that way about everything about me. And i mean everything! How i looked, what i did for a living...everything. But the older i get, the more mellow i get and the less worried i am about what other people think of me. Thus, Im much happier these days. If only i put my attitude in my younger body. Then I'd really feel good! But i am definitely more comfortable in my skin than i have ever been....thus...i don't have that inferiority thing going on the way i use to.

 

[Yeoman Randi]

<snip>

Hell, all I need to do is come here and see that my work as an artist is alright. I mean my communicators are on the front page here and the site uses my smilies. <---- See?

OMG!!!!!! YOU ROCK!!!!!!!!!! i had no idea!!!!!

 

[An Officer]

AstorSmurf, that's one of my favourite smilies.

 

[Capn Flukie]

Do I ever feel inferior? Almost constantly.