Do you ever feel inferior?

[Warped9]

I was reflecting on a conversation I had recently (and a number of times before) with my mother. She says that all her life she's had feelings of inferiority. She says it wasn't nearly so bad when she was younger, but that now she feels it more acutely.

I find this a little odd because I know of no one, particularly my father or my brother or sisters, who ever gave her cause to feel that way.

I understand how she feels because I've had bouts of that when I was younger. But I learned to fight it. I've learned to give myself credit for things I know I can do and what others have complimented me for over the years. I've also learned how to discern the difference between friendly teasing and malicious teasing. I learned how to laugh at myself at times and to accept that I and my opinion have as much value as anyone's.

But does anyone here struggle with feelings of inferiority? How do you deal with it?

 

[RoJoHen]

Only occasionally. I look at people that I went to high school with and see where they are in life and get a little jealous. Full-time careers, marriage, babies, buying houses...and here I am single and bartending for a living. I don't know if I feel inferior, necessarily, but I do have to wonder what I'm doing that is so different from them that we are in such different stages in life.

 

[Warped9]

Only occasionally. I look at people that I went to high school with and see where they are in life and get a little jealous. Full-time careers, marriage, babies, buying houses...and here I am single and bartending for a living. I don't know if I feel inferior, necessarily, but I do have to wonder what I'm doing that is so different from them that we are in such different stages in life.

I know your feeling well. In previous years I've been in similar situations where friends and contemporaries seemed to be doing so much better than me. But I learned that what I have doesn't define who I am. And if someone else defines me by what I have then it's their problem and not mine.

That said I know it can still be hard particularly when you live in a society where we are often judged by what we have and what station we're at.

 

[RoJoHen]

I mean, I'm quite happy with my existence for the most part, and I know that nobody is actually judging me or anything. What I have in terms of friends and family is far more important than the other stuff, but I do know that I would like to have that other stuff at some point! I just really have no idea what I need to do to make that happen.

 

[Goji]

Yeah, I almost always feel inferior. Which at least means that I'm used to it.

 

[Kestra]

All the time. I'm surrounded by people who are more successful than me and I often just feel I want to disappear. How do I deal with it? Unsure. I have a really unhealthy habit of relying on other people's judgment of me.

I've gotten slightly better at embracing the fact that I'll always be a misfit of sorts in the type of circles I run in. And I've fallen so far off the path that it's almost like people don't expect that much of me anymore, so anything I do accomplish is a pleasant surprise.

 

[Zulu Romeo]

Let's just say I have to keep my chin up.

 

[SeerSGB]

Only when some milestone comes and goes that I promised myself I'd reach-- like being published by the time I was 30. I was...but not for my fiction work, only a handful of local paper. Those downs (I'm a bit prone to bouts of light depression anyway) tend to hit me a little harder.

 

[Shazam!]

Only occasionally. I look at people that I went to high school with and see where they are in life and get a little jealous. Full-time careers, marriage, babies, buying houses...

Why would you be jealous of that?

 

[RoJoHen]

Because I want those things.

 

[The Boy Who Cried Worf]

Constantly. Always. All of my life.

Except for some reason when I am posting on the Star Trek BBS.

 

[Warped9]

I remember once envying my older brother's life: married to an attractive wife and having a busy career. Then I saw how certain things weren't working out for him and that his career left him hardly any time for a lousy cup of coffee or taking some time to smell the roses. He ended up with an ulcer. I soon wised up to not wanting that kind of existence.

I still want the wife, though, because I'm tired of being lonely. Recently circumstances have changed for me so that it could be a very real possibility in the not too distant future. I figure that I had to go through a lot of crap to learn to be in a better place and to better appreciate some of the things I really want.

 

[Amaris]

Only occasionally. I look at people that I went to high school with and see where they are in life and get a little jealous. Full-time careers, marriage, babies, buying houses...and here I am single and bartending for a living. I don't know if I feel inferior, necessarily, but I do have to wonder what I'm doing that is so different from them that we are in such different stages in life.

I can totally empathize with this. My addition would be that I've fallen into that trap of feeling this way often instead of occasionally. I remember my excellent grades in high school, the AP classes, the honors, and wonder just what the hell happened.

 

[SeerSGB]

Only occasionally. I look at people that I went to high school with and see where they are in life and get a little jealous. Full-time careers, marriage, babies, buying houses...and here I am single and bartending for a living. I don't know if I feel inferior, necessarily, but I do have to wonder what I'm doing that is so different from them that we are in such different stages in life.

I can totally empathize with this. My addition would be that I've fallen into that trap of feeling this way often instead of occasionally. I remember my excellent grades in high school, the AP classes, the honors, and wonder just what the hell happened.

Went through one of those spells a few years ago. Took a real emotional beating to my self confidence by blaming myself for not making the most of the chances that I had had in the palm of my hand. Took me a while to realize that the past is the past, and that all we can do is take a lesson from our mistakes and try not to repeat them in the future.

 

[Mallory]

I had a prolonged (for me anyway) bout of inferiority when I became disabled and unable to work back in 2007. I spent years busting my ass to provide a good life for my wife and kids and all of the sudden I couldn't do that anymore. That took a few months to get over. I still have my moments though, especially when I have to ask one of my children to do something simple around the house for me that I used to never think about twice. Or when I forget something because of the cognitive issues I face.

I've learned to live with it though. It's mostly physical and happened through no fault of my own. It's just something else to push through on the road of life.

 

[SeerSGB]

I had a prolonged (for me anyway) bout of inferiority when I became disabled and unable to work back in 2007. I spent years busting my ass to provide a good life for my wife and kids and all of the sudden I couldn't do that anymore. That took a few months to get over. I still have my moments though, especially when I have to ask one of my children to do something simple around the house for me that I used to never think about twice. Or when I forget something because of the cognitive issues I face.

I've learned to live with it though. It's mostly physical and happened through no fault of my own. It's just something else to push through on the road of life.

That's what gets to me lately. I'm used to being more of a provider, and now the wife is shouldering the load. Some days I just feel totally useless. Take on my health problems that cut back on how much I can and for how long...yeah, its really shitaculary rough sometimes.

 

[Haggis and tatties]

Nope, i am what i am and thats all i can be in the end.

 

[Amaris]

Went through one of those spells a few years ago. Took a real emotional beating to my self confidence by blaming myself for not making the most of the chances that I had had in the palm of my hand. Took me a while to realize that the past is the past, and that all we can do is take a lesson from our mistakes and try not to repeat them in the future.

Oh god, yes, I agree and I fight that every day. Sometimes I'll start dwelling on the past and I can see the storm clouds start gathering. I have to slap myself out of it and realize what's done is done. It is done. It's a lot harder to put in to practice, though.

I had a prolonged (for me anyway) bout of inferiority when I became disabled and unable to work back in 2007. I spent years busting my ass to provide a good life for my wife and kids and all of the sudden I couldn't do that anymore. That took a few months to get over. I still have my moments though, especially when I have to ask one of my children to do something simple around the house for me that I used to never think about twice. Or when I forget something because of the cognitive issues I face.

I've learned to live with it though. It's mostly physical and happened through no fault of my own. It's just something else to push through on the road of life.

That is a great attitude, and you shouldn't fee inferior. I am the opposite end of this, where I help my mom because of physical damage that occurred through no fault of her own. She can barely walk, she has great trouble doing general tasks, but she still has a sharp mind and she gets frustrated by her body's inability to adapt as quickly as it once did, and the fact that I have to be around to help so much (I still live with my parents for this reason). I have spent the greater part of my adult life helping her out, and while I do get angry and annoyed at times, I still help her because she needs me, and because I care about her. She's not inferior because of what happened, it's just something that happened out of nowhere through no fault of her own.

 

[iguana_tonante]

Well, I'm not sure if I am talking about the same feelings: when I fail at something, I feel it very keenly. I mean, there are obviously loads of things that I suck at doing, and that's ok: we can't be good at everything. But when I fail at something I should be good at, or something I care greatly about, it stings. I guess it's normal to have some kind of insecurities. But for me it's more a matter of bruised ego than real feelings of inadequacy. My self-doubt is not usually expressed in the form of "maybe I'm not good enough?", but rather "maybe I'm not as good as I thought?". Fact is, usually my reaction is to burn away those doubts and convince myself as hard as I can that "fuck yes! I am as good as I though, dammit! This is just a small road bump". However, in all honesty, the question remains how would I react when I fail at something I care so spectacularly that I couldn't keep pushing it. Will I become wiser and accept my limit? I hope so. But mostly, I hope I will never find out.

 

[Punky]

I can't say that I feel inferior. I accept myself for who I am. I really don't care what other people have or what their abilities are.

I take pride in the things that I can do well and try to learn things that I am not good at. I am happy with and appreciate what I do have and the abilities I have been blessed with.

I believe that once one learns to love themselves then it is impossible to ever feel inferior.