Deconstructing movie events to their most basic level

[Candlelight]

Movie: Insurrection
Problem: Subspace Tear
Solution: Throw the engine at it

Movie: First Contact
Problem: Troi communicating with the alcoholic so-called legend of warp drive
Solution: Give him more alcohol and a jukebox

Movie: Generations
Problem: Going back to stop Soran
Solution: Go back to the dangerous bit and get Kirk killed rather than go back to the mess hall three days earlier and simply arrest him

 

[Orac]

Movie: The Search For Spock
Problem: Spock is dead.
Solution: Use an ancient Vulcan ritual to transfer Spock's immortal soul into a clone of Spock.

 

[Jon1701]

Movie : The Motion Picture
Problem : Probe downloading computer information
Solution : Bash keyboard with fists.

Movie : The Wrath of Khan
Problem : Warp Core off-line
Solution : Place hands in smokey white box.

Movie : Nemesis
Problem : Positronic signature detected on pre-warp planet
Solution : Throw the Prime directive out the window, and drive a space buggy across the desert shooting the natives.

 

[SmoothieX]

Movie : The Voyage Home
Problem : Fresh out of humpback whales.
Solution : Go find some humpback whales in 1986.

 

[Tomalak]

Movie: The Search For Spock.
Problem: Son dead.
Solution: Fall off chair.

 

[SmoothieX]

Movie: The Wrath of Khan
Problem: Kirk is hungry
Solution: Eat apple in Genesis cave

Movie: The Search For Spock
Problem: Admiral won't let you go back to Genesis
Solution: Steal Enterprise

Movie: First Contact
Problem: Historic warp ship broken
Solution: Fix it

Movie: Insurrection
Problem: Have not kissed Riker with beard before
Solution: Shave beard in icky bathtub scene

 

[cardinal biggles]

Movie: The Wrath of Khan
Problem: Enemy hacked your computer, is dropping your shields.
Solution: Attempt to raise them.

Movie: The Wrath of Khan
Problem: Shields won't go back up.
Solution: Pound console with fists and whine "I cannnnnnnnn't!"

 

[David cgc]

Movie: The Final Frontier
Problem: Cult Leader Has Hijacked Your Ship To Find God
Solution: Let Him.

 

[cardinal biggles]

Movie: Generations
Problem: Helmsman was injured during battle.
Solution: Let the shrink fly the ship.

Movie: Nemesis
Problem: Helmsman was blown out the viewscreen into space.
Solution: See above.

 

[Ensign Phaserbait]

Movie: Insurrection
Problem: Android on Rampage
Solution: Sing Broadway Musicals

 

[cardinal biggles]

Movie: Insurrection
Problem: Starfleet captain has discovered your cloaked holodeck ship.
Solution: Bleed on his carpet.

Movie: Insurrection
Problem: Starfleet captain has transported you to said holo-ship and deactivated your particle injector thingy.
Solution: Scream like a girl.

 

[Trekker4747]

Movie: TMP
Problem: Space-thingy is headed towards Earth and is going to destroy it. Only ship available to you is equiped with virtualy brand new systems.
Solution: Let an Admiral take the ship out even though he is woefuly unfamiliar with it's new systems so he can almost destroy it at every turn.

Movie: TWK
Problem: You're an aging horndog.
Solution: Make wry comments about you much younger subordinate to your CMO.

Movie: TSFS
Problem: The captain of your new starship is a raging asshole.
Solution: Make his bridge the silliest thing you can imagine and give him a riding crop to play with.

Movie: TVH
Problem: A bunch of your officers are stuck on Vulcan and are in deep trouble.
Solution: Make them drive home in a piece of junk enemy vessel.

Movie: TFF
Problem: God wants your starship.
Solution: Ask him silly questions.

Movie: TUC
Problem: You're battling your nemesis.
Solution: Qoute Shakespere.

Movie: GEN
Problem: You're stuck on a planet with a madman.
Solution: Talk his ear off.

Movie: FC
Problem: Your historical legend is running away.
Solution: Chase him down and shoot that bastard!

Movie: INS
Problem: The good guys have foiled you.
Solution: Scream out like a baby.

Movie: NEM
Problem: You're at a stalemate with the bad guy.
Solution: Ram his ship with yours.

 

[DostoyevskyClone]

Movie: First Contact
Problem: The Federation's most lethal enemy - the Borg - are on a direct course for Earth and this time there may be "no stopping them"
Solution: Eliminate aforementioned 'unstoppable' enemy with 10 seconds of sustained, conventional weapons fire at a seemingly non-vital system

 

[Peach Wookiee]

Movie: Insurrection
Problem: Your girlfriend (who you've had an on/off thing with) hates your beard.
Solution: Take a bubble bath with her and have her shave it off...

 

[Ensign Phaserbait]

Movie: TSFS
Problem: Pursuing starship equipped with Turbo-Warp Drive that can outrun you.
Solution: Pull out the fuses

 

[cardinal biggles]

Movie: First Contact
Problem: Everyone's telling you the logical course of action is to blow up the ship.
Solution: Throw a tantrum.

 

[Timby]

Movie: First Contact
Problem: You and your future-shocked companion are being chased by the Borg.
Solution: "... And it's not just because there's moonlight, although moonlight becomes you so..."

Movie: TFF
Problem: Climbing a mountain, but it's dangerous to be that high.
Solution: Get off the mountain.

 

[Orac]

Movie: Insurrection
Problem: You've fallen in a lake and you can't swim.
Solution: Use Data as a flotation device.

Movie: The Final Frontier
Problem: You are attacked by a vicious pussy cat woman in a seedy alien bar.
Solution: Drown her in the pool table.

 

[cardinal biggles]

Movie: The Search for Spock
Problem: Supporting character who usually ends up being the crew's punching bag hasn't had anything painful or embarrassing happen to him yet.
Solution: Dress him up like a gay Pilgrim.

 

[ancient]

Movie: Nemesis
Issue: Vampires want to steal your blood.
Solution: I said "want to" not "try to".