Deconstructing movie events to their most basic level

[Computer]

Movie: The Final Frontier
Problem: What is God?
Solution: Ask god why he doesnt know your name.

Movie: Generations
Problem: Getting back in the Nexus
Solution: Wipe out entire civilization, multiple ships, countless planets,a few stars, alter the gravity of solar systems then assemble your erector set in the desert.

Movie: Insurrection
Problem: The Sona are using war ships, transporters, attack shuttles, torpedos, particle collectors, and cloaked observation platofrms to remove the Baku from their village.
Solution: Get the Baku into caves.

 

[Trekker4747]

cardinal biggles said:
Movie: The Search for Spock
Problem: Supporting character who usually ends up being the crew's punching bag hasn't had anything painful or embarrassing happen to him yet.
Solution: Dress him up like a gay Pilgrim.

 

[Turd Ferguson]

Movie: Nemesis
Problem: You've been persecuted by Romulan guards on a moon mining minerals and fighting Dominion forces your whole life.
Solution: Blow up Earth.

 

[Candlelight]

Movie: Nemesis
Problem: Transporters are down
Solution: Forget about the transporters in the cargo bays, shuttles, or the shuttles themselves, I said the TRANSPORTERS ARE FUCKING DOWN, DAMN IT.

Movie: Insurrection
Problem: Eject the warp core to stop the breach
Solution: Eject the warp core before being told to

Movie: The Voyage Home
Problem: Try to avoid poluting the time line while at the same time trying to save whales
Solution: Introduce the world to transparent alluminium without checking first who actually invented it, leave your phasers behind on a nuclear wessel, reveal your cloaked spaceship above a Norwegian whaling vessel and remove a woman from her time period.

 

[Ensign Phaserbait]

Movie: TWOK
Problem: Hacking the enemy ship's main computer to lower shields
Solution: Logon to enemy computer network using default admin password.

 

[MalNar]

Movie: TWOK
Problem: Nephew is badly injured.
Solution: Carry him to the bridge to prove a point.

Movie: TWOK
Problem: You want to threaten a couple of guys:
Solution: Take off only one glove; show off chest


MOVIE: TSFS
Problem: Your girlfriend has seen too much
Solution: Blow her up (after stating your love for her)

Movie: TSFS
Problem: Vulcan Boy is in serious heat
Solution: Performing finger puppets works every time

Movie: TUC
Problem: Need to report something to Spock
Solution: Slide down a pole

 

[Candlelight]

Movie: TUC
Problem: Need to prove phasers set off alarms
Solution: Shoot dinner

Movie: TUC
Problem: Trying to maintain dignity with Klingon guests
Solution: Get everyone drunk on Romulan Ale

Movie: TUC
Problem: Need to beam down to Khitomer as fast as possible
Solution: Come out of warp waaaay too early

Movie: Insurrection
Problem: Attacked by Son'a ships that are outclassed by the Enterprise-E
Solution: Fire two photons at them then hide in the nebula

 

[Candlelight]

Movie: TSFS
Problem: Trying to impress Uhura whilst on space dock transporter duty
Solution: Insult her, then get in the closet

 

[SmoothieX]

Movie: TSFS
Problem: Mean security guard called you Tiny
Solution: Kick guard's ass, tazer his console

Movie: TUC
Problem: Gravity out on Klingon ship
Solution: Wear magnetic boots, unleash carnage resembling a crashed Pepto truck

 

[Tomalak]

Movie: The Motion Picture
Problem: Kids loved Star Wars.
Solution: Existential road trip.

 

[ancient]

TMP
-Problem: Huge space cloud want daddy now.
-Solution: Freaky lightshow ending.

TWOK
-Problem: We're trapped underground and the badguy just pwned us.
-Solution:KHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN!!!!!!!!!!

TSFS
-Problem: Spock Died.
-Solution: Invent more Vulcan SUPERpowers!

TVH
-Problem: A space microphone wants to talk to whales.
-Solution: Environmentalism.

TFF
-Problem: God is angry.
-Solution: Shoot a photon torpedo at him.

TUC
-Problem: Klingon economy crippled.
-Solution: Nuke 'em. No wait...peace...no, nukes...peace...nukes...peace.

GEN
-Problem: Badguy trys to blow up a star.
-Solution: Macho Showdown!
-Problem: Whoops, that didn't work.
-Solution: Macho showdown again!

FC
-Problem: Borg drones want to assimilate us.
-Solution: Holodeck simulation.

INS
-Problem: Hormones
-Solution: Frolic

NEM
-Problem: The Romulans hurt me, abandoned me, left me to die, which is why I hate them...
-Solution: ...and must DESTROY EARTH!!!!!

 

[David cgc]

The Undiscovered Country
-Problem: Klingons/Federation can't be trusted as allies
-Soultion: Work closely with Klingons/Federation to kill your own leader

Nemesis
-Problem: Villain's motivation to destroy Earth explicitly and repeatedly stated to be astropolitical empire building, not personal vendetta.
-Solution: Slip sodium pentobarbitone into audiences' popcorn, so they'll be unable to separate villain's feelings as a former slave from his goals as ruler of Romulan Empire.

 

[ancient]

NEM
-Problem: Shinzon wants to blow up Earth with superweapon to impress the Romulans.
-Solution: Romulans try to stop him.
-Problem: Wait...what?!

 

[Trekker4747]

ancient said:
NEM
-Problem: Shinzon wants to blow up Earth with superweapon to impress the Romulans.
-Solution: Romulans try to stop him.
-Problem: Wait...what?!

I'm begining to think some people think the plot to NEM dosen't make sense.

Movie: TMP
Problem: Bad guy is going to destroy Earth.
Solution: Try and blow it up.

Movie: TWK
Problem: Bad guy is going to blow up a planet.
Solution: Blow him up.

Movie: TSFS
Problem: Bad guy has killed your son and you are next.
Solution: Drop him off a cliff.

Movie: TVH
Problem: There's no bad guy.
Solution: Don't blow anyone up.

Movie: TFF
Problem: God is the bad guy.
Solution: Blow him up.

Movie: TUC
Problem: Bad guy is poorly quoting Shakespere at you and trying to blow you up.
Solution: Blow him up.

Movie: GEN
Problem: Bad guy is trying to blow up a star.
Solution: Blow him up first.

Movie: FC
Problem: Bad guy is trying to enslave the Earth.
Solution: Melt her.

Movie: INS
Problem: Bad guy is trying to destroy a planet.
Solution: Blow him up.

Movie: NEM
Problem: Bad guy is trying to destroy Earth.
Solution: Ram his ship then... blow him up.

 

[Candlelight]

Movie: GEN
Problem: Picard must defeat the bad guy.
Solution: Climb around the rocket launcher.

Movie: FC
Problem: Picard must defeat the bad guy.
Solution: Climb around engineering.

Movie: INS
Problem: Picard must defeat the bad guy.
Solution: Climb around the injector.

Movie: NEM
Problem: Picard must defeat the bad guy.
Solution: Climb around the Scimitar's bridge.

 

[Ensign Phaserbait]

TSFS
Problem: Gunner misses intended target and makes a smart remark
Solution: Kill him

TSFS
Problem: Your ship is helpless and is about to be boarded. Enemy ship has a skeleton crew.
Solution: Beam down to nearby planet and taunt the enemy commander to beam you up...instead of beaming directly from your ship to his.


INS
Problem: Parents kick you and your teenage friends off of planet
Solution: Kill them using device that takes forever and a half to setup...instead of more conventional methods like orbital bombardment!

 

[SmoothieX]

Movie: TSFS
Problem: Rapidly evolved worm microbe tries to choke you
Solution: Kill it with bare hands

Movie: TVH
Problem: Spock has misplaced his uniform
Solution: Wear plush terrycloth bathrobe

 

[Orac]

Movie: First Contact
Problem: Crewmen assimilated by the Borg.
Solution: Shoot them!

 

[The Cutest of Borg]

Movie: TSfS
Problem: Starfleet's going to mothball your ship
Solution: Blow it up so it never winds up in a museum

 

[Peach Wookiee]

Movie: FC
Problem: Your sickbay is about to be invaded by cybernetic space zombies...
Solution: Run and leave the holodoc to take care of it.