Dealing with Death
- Thread starter Sibyl
- Start date
I love this thread.... not because Scribble and some others have suffered and grieved, but because the thread's content is doing a small part in restoring my faith that people on this planet actually care about one another in times of need.
Which is exactly why I don't put any meaning behind seeing my dad in a dream other than I guess I miss my dad.
I keep wanting to talk with my mom. I want to have some serious discussions about things that she's uncomfortable with, but she's always distracted by something; her phone, laptop, or TV. I'll start a sentence and by the time I'm finally half done with it, I'll look up or over and she's lost in her phone and doesn't notice when I stop talking.
It's actually been going on like this since long before my dad really got sick a couple of years ago.
I actually kind of feel like my dad and I have lost her before my mom and I lost my dad.
She keeps answering any questions I may have about my past where she was involved with, "I remember feelings, not details," yet goes on and on with specific details about my brother or one of her sisters or my dad.
I guess I need to set up an appointment with her to talk about some things that are important to me right now. I need to insist that she not be involved with her phone or computer or TV.
Her doctor has confidence that her prognosis is good, but now she's dealing with debilitating sciatica and I want to make sure I get some things out and try to learn others before she's gone, too. I tried to do that with my dad, to a point, but he was already to the point that he would fall asleep in the middle of his own sentences, much less my responses or questions. Then he was gone and those memories seem to be gone with him.
It's actually been going on like this since long before my dad really got sick a couple of years ago.
I actually kind of feel like my dad and I have lost her before my mom and I lost my dad.
She keeps answering any questions I may have about my past where she was involved with, "I remember feelings, not details," yet goes on and on with specific details about my brother or one of her sisters or my dad.
I guess I need to set up an appointment with her to talk about some things that are important to me right now. I need to insist that she not be involved with her phone or computer or TV.
Her doctor has confidence that her prognosis is good, but now she's dealing with debilitating sciatica and I want to make sure I get some things out and try to learn others before she's gone, too. I tried to do that with my dad, to a point, but he was already to the point that he would fall asleep in the middle of his own sentences, much less my responses or questions. Then he was gone and those memories seem to be gone with him.
I'm going to try to set aside some time later today to talk to her. I'm going to ask her not to engage in any distractions while we're talking. She might have time, she might not. We'll see. I'll be over there in about an hour for her last window estimate, so I'll ask her before her appointment if we can talk afterward.
She's one of those that if you pose more than one question to her, she'll latch onto one (usually the first) and completely ignore all of the others. I used to try to communicate with her on uncomfortable subjects in email but that always failed spectacularly, even when I specifically asked or demanded that she address all questions or statements.
Here's an unusual suggestion for dealing with grief. Terry Pratchett's Discworld series has a few novels that deal with Death (both the concept and the character of the Grim Reaper, amusingly humanized). Aside from being hysterical, reading stories that deal with the emotional consequences of death can help you come to terms with your loss in a more gradual and subliminal way.
As for dealing with your mother; perhaps you and your siblings can "stage an intervention" and help your mother plan for end of life issues (will, DNR's, medical proxy's, etc). While doing that, use it as an opportunity to ask the questions, while making sure TV and phone are off.
Also, take a look at my TNZ Death and Bereavement Thread, it helped me come to terms with my own fathers loss a few years ago.
I'm sorry for your loss and I hope you are able to move forward with everything.
As for dealing with your mother; perhaps you and your siblings can "stage an intervention" and help your mother plan for end of life issues (will, DNR's, medical proxy's, etc). While doing that, use it as an opportunity to ask the questions, while making sure TV and phone are off.
Also, take a look at my TNZ Death and Bereavement Thread, it helped me come to terms with my own fathers loss a few years ago.
I'm sorry for your loss and I hope you are able to move forward with everything.
Thank you. I really do need to read more Pratchett. I've only read one of his books and that was when I was a young teen.
My one sibling, my brother, is in another state and I'm not sure he has many emotions at all a lot of the time, much less shows them.
With my mom, I've kind of given up on getting any clues from her as far as my dad goes. Of course, I think about him a lot and miss him all the time, but the agonizing pain of losing him is dissipating.
I want to explore other issues with my mom, mostly regarding me and my past and some things she's mentioned over the years. With her cancer diagnosis, it's become ultra important for me to hear stuff from her while I still have her in my life. Yes, her prognosis is good, but one can never know, for sure. I just want to clear things up with her instead of waiting and waiting until it was too late, like with my dad.
My one sibling, my brother, is in another state and I'm not sure he has many emotions at all a lot of the time, much less shows them.
With my mom, I've kind of given up on getting any clues from her as far as my dad goes. Of course, I think about him a lot and miss him all the time, but the agonizing pain of losing him is dissipating.
I want to explore other issues with my mom, mostly regarding me and my past and some things she's mentioned over the years. With her cancer diagnosis, it's become ultra important for me to hear stuff from her while I still have her in my life. Yes, her prognosis is good, but one can never know, for sure. I just want to clear things up with her instead of waiting and waiting until it was too late, like with my dad.
I do know everyone that would have details. I have a pretty extensive extended family (my mom having six siblings and my dad having three helps with that). She did get me one of the Ancestry kits around Christmas because she wanted to research more into my dad's side. Some interesting results there. Unfortunately, those results did not tell me what I wanted to know in other respects.
@Jedman67 , I obviously don't know what your intention was in your message about the Discworld ebooks, but the way you have phrased it could be interpreted as contrary to the boards rules about advocating piracy. I would recommend either editing your post for clarity, or removing that statement altogether. Thank you.
Edited. Sorry.
No worries, thank you!
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