I just had a crazy idea for a latest what-if scenario: what if David Lynch had directed the original Star Wars trilogy? Do you imagine would have been his vision of that sci-fi world and its characters?
David Lynch's Star Wars
- Thread starter Joe Washington
- Start date
Well... all the aliens in the Mos Eisley cantina would be more disturbing.
And let's not talk about Jabba's palace.
Come to think of it, let's not talk about Jabba.
And let's not talk about Jabba's palace.
Come to think of it, let's not talk about Jabba.
He was one of those under consideration to direct ROTJ, along with the equally improbable and equally David-esque Mr Cronenberg:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Star_Wars_Episode_VI:_Return_of_the_Jedi
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Star_Wars_Episode_VI:_Return_of_the_Jedi
Let's definitely not talk about a Cronenberg Jabba.
Cronenberg Sarlaac would turn you off sex forever.
Or physical contact of any sort.
Or life.
Or physical contact of any sort.
Or life.
Cronenberg Han Solo would emerge from carbonite buck naked and have a bone-crunching fight with Jabba's henchmen.
I really like the idea of Lynch directing the cave scene from Empire.
Luke enters the cave. He draws his lightsaber at the sight of a shadow resembling Vader. It crumbles in his hand. His hands begin to melt. His face melts off. A puddle of goo is drawn away from his now empty clothes and reforms as a malevolent Luke Skywalker dressed in black. He examines his flexing fist only to see the flesh burn away revealing bloody charred bones. He screams as his arms and legs burns away while bits of armor and circuitry creep up his body. Unseen voices yell in backwards voices. Obi Wan appears and coldy muffles his last cries while placing Darth Vaders mask on Luke's head. The backward voices chant.
Ext. The cave.
Yoda: What did you see?
Luke: I shit my pants.
Luke enters the cave. He draws his lightsaber at the sight of a shadow resembling Vader. It crumbles in his hand. His hands begin to melt. His face melts off. A puddle of goo is drawn away from his now empty clothes and reforms as a malevolent Luke Skywalker dressed in black. He examines his flexing fist only to see the flesh burn away revealing bloody charred bones. He screams as his arms and legs burns away while bits of armor and circuitry creep up his body. Unseen voices yell in backwards voices. Obi Wan appears and coldy muffles his last cries while placing Darth Vaders mask on Luke's head. The backward voices chant.
Ext. The cave.
Yoda: What did you see?
Luke: I shit my pants.
That was good.
Always happy to please. 
I'm just picturing Luke dancing with a tuantaun while a traffic light swings above them.
Would Vader's mask look like Dennis Hopper's gas mask (or whatever it was) in Blue Velvet?
In the script it was supposed to be helium to give Frank a high-pitched voice (I shit you not); Hopper thought it should be amyl nitrate instead and convinced Lynch to adopt this suggestion. Apparently, Hooper later thought that the helium idea would have been better after all.
Really, I'm glad Lynch didn't make any Star Wars movies -- I would now be as obsessed by them as people younger than me who watched the original IV, V, and VI during their childhoods. A guild navigator with its vulvic mouth would have been a much better Jabba the Hutt.
It would have rained on Tatooine, part of the trilogy would have been shot in black and white, everyone would have worn funny hats, and Luke would have had a cute pet that someone else would have toted around for most of the trilogy.
Oh, and Mark Hamill would have been replaced by Kyle MacLachlan (yeah, I know he was too young in the '70s; this is "what-if").
Oh, and Mark Hamill would have been replaced by Kyle MacLachlan (yeah, I know he was too young in the '70s; this is "what-if").
Actually, Luke would've been running around "Chaaak-saaa!" while blasting two-meter Womprats with his T-16 back home. 
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