I think you mean, "I do not want this to happen."
Damn... not sure if I want this to happen.
- Thread starter ed629
- Start date
I think you mean, "I do not want this to happen."
If you let her move in with you, you will be her enabler and I can guarantee she will not straighten her life out just because you take her in. It seems her parents have finally realized that "helping" her hasn't done any good, so why would you think that you would make any difference? She has to want it and do it for herself. If that means spending some nights in a shelter or going on assistance then so be it... no one forced her to be a criminal, drink and drive, etc. Find yourself a nice girl who has enough respect for herself and you to make a relationship built on mutual goals, moral values, etc.
ed629, as virtually everyone else has said in this thread, letting her move in sounds like an astonishingly bad idea. By all means, date her if you want, but don't be her crutch. If you let her move in you'll just end up taking care of her and not having a real relationship.
ed629
Rear Admiral
Yep... that's what I'm getting from everyone... and today she did something, while not a big deal or issue just made me decide that I will probably be telling her she won't be moving in and she will need to find a place of her own, and since she can't afford anywhere to live looks she's going to be going to a shelter.
J
Jetfire
Guest
^
Maybe I have a big heart...but then you should let her stay with you but have rules and some sort of deadline for her to get herself together or find another place to stay.
Maybe I have a big heart...but then you should let her stay with you but have rules and some sort of deadline for her to get herself together or find another place to stay.
Bad, bad idea. I've had roommates I tried to do this kind of favor for, and it was a pain in the ass to get rid of them once they were living with me. I imagine it's a hell of a lot worse when it's someone you actually love.
J
Jetfire
Guest
^
Yes...that is why I am glad I have never been put in that position...I let my feelings go ahead of logic.
It would seem wrong...to me...but maybe that is what she needs as a wake-up call...going to a shelter...but I couldn't do it.
Yes...that is why I am glad I have never been put in that position...I let my feelings go ahead of logic.
It would seem wrong...to me...but maybe that is what she needs as a wake-up call...going to a shelter...but I couldn't do it.
^
Yes...that is why I am glad I have never been put in that position...I let my feelings go ahead of logic.
It would seem wrong...to me...but maybe that is what she needs as a wake-up call...going to a shelter...but I couldn't do it.
Tough love. It sounds like this girl has gone her whole life escaping the consequences for her actions. When she has no one left to fall back on, she'll have no choice but to shape up.
Sounds like a good decision, although I'm sure it's not the easiest thing in the world. Best of luck to both of you.
ed629
Rear Admiral
I was thinking of doing it that way, establishing some rules, nothing crazy or ridiculous... the worst would of been if she loses her car (it actually belongs to her parents, not her) that she cannot use or drive any of my cars and that she will need to stay in school and work on her problems.
But now, I'm leaning towards just telling her that it's not going to happen, that if she has managed to somehow alienate most of the people she knows or knew before I met her, and her parents want her out then I'd have to be stupid to let her come here and she needs to find something else. I guess the biggest thing is that I have 4 cars, all paid for. And we have had arguments in the past where she shouldn't of been driving and she did after her 3rd DUI. Here, if you have a 4th DUI the vehicle gets seized, the law doesn't say the vehicle belonging to the driver, but being operated by the driver.. so considering her stubbornness and nature to do what is contrary to what I am trying to tell her when she gets in that mood, I would be livid if she drove one of my cars and had it seized under a 4th DUI, and no I would NOT bail her out if it was in the car she has now, much less if it would occur in one of my cars. I'm not trying to brag on myself, but I have a feeling that she would feel or think, if she is in a mood where she insists on driving, and I'm not at home she just may decide to take one of the cars out... not only could I lose a car, but I could get sued if she gets in an accident or causes one, then not only could I lose the car, but I could lose my home, savings or anything else. And she is not worth that.
Thanks.
J
Jetfire
Guest
^
I just hope it all works out for the both of you.
I am thinking she might need treatment because it seems her life is getting out of control.
I just hope it all works out for the both of you.
I am thinking she might need treatment because it seems her life is getting out of control.
ed629
Rear Admiral
It will work for me, her on the other hand, she is going to have a hell of a time... the county she got her 3rd DUI in is harsh on DUI's, and she can't afford a lawyer, her parents can't and won't pay for one, I can't either. So looks like she is going to have a very tough trial and sentence. And she can't afford to pay her upcoming fines for her 2nd one, I'm not paying those either.
How the hell does someone get three DUIs?! 
She shouldn't be allowed near so much as a riding lawn mower ever again, much less an automobile.
You're doing the right thing. I wouldn't let someone with such a criminal history and an unprecidented lack of self control anywhere near anything I held dear or important.
Find a new girl and take her to your local police office. Ask them if they know her by name. If they say no, you'd probably already be way better off than with this girl.
She shouldn't be allowed near so much as a riding lawn mower ever again, much less an automobile. You're doing the right thing. I wouldn't let someone with such a criminal history and an unprecidented lack of self control anywhere near anything I held dear or important.
Find a new girl and take her to your local police office. Ask them if they know her by name. If they say no, you'd probably already be way better off than with this girl.
ED629, never mind if she took one of your cars, what if she took one of your cars and killed someone because she was once again driving drunk?
Seriously, this girl needs an intervention and i think jail time might be good for her. PLEASE, do not let her move in with you. She isn't going to change because you are kind to her or give her a place to stay. She needs serious help.
Seriously, this girl needs an intervention and i think jail time might be good for her. PLEASE, do not let her move in with you. She isn't going to change because you are kind to her or give her a place to stay. She needs serious help.
ed629, you would just be taking over the role of her parents. Her parents have been playing that role for years and they have come to understand that she is not going to change as long as they keep a roof over her head.
I'm disturbed that you would even contemplate her driving without a license, this is illegal and considering her previous convictions, if she get's pulled over even just for not signalling, she is in deep shit.
If you provide her with a car, you are complicit, and if she had an accident, you would be screwed.
She cannot live with you without any source of income, period. It is one thing if she was working and supporting herself and contributing to your shared home, and then lost her job. We all help out our spouses when that happens. But this is someone who has never been independant, she just wants to become dependant on you.
Don't even think, like her parents, that "tough love" is going to straighten her out. If you say no, she will find someone else to "take care of her".
If you really don't know how to handle it, call her parents, explain what she's trying to do, you need to hear about things from them too, otherwise I think she will just manipulate the situation.
I'm saying she is evil, but she is not able to support herself so she will use you, there is just no other way for her. She isn't moving in with you because she loves you, so there is nothing to feel guilty about.
She will whine that you made the offer. Here is the thing, it's not a binding contract, dear. People are allowed to change their minds. And what you say is, "But I've changed my mind." Say that and be done with it.
I'm disturbed that you would even contemplate her driving without a license, this is illegal and considering her previous convictions, if she get's pulled over even just for not signalling, she is in deep shit.
If you provide her with a car, you are complicit, and if she had an accident, you would be screwed.
She cannot live with you without any source of income, period. It is one thing if she was working and supporting herself and contributing to your shared home, and then lost her job. We all help out our spouses when that happens. But this is someone who has never been independant, she just wants to become dependant on you.
Don't even think, like her parents, that "tough love" is going to straighten her out. If you say no, she will find someone else to "take care of her".
If you really don't know how to handle it, call her parents, explain what she's trying to do, you need to hear about things from them too, otherwise I think she will just manipulate the situation.
I'm saying she is evil, but she is not able to support herself so she will use you, there is just no other way for her. She isn't moving in with you because she loves you, so there is nothing to feel guilty about.
She will whine that you made the offer. Here is the thing, it's not a binding contract, dear. People are allowed to change their minds. And what you say is, "But I've changed my mind." Say that and be done with it.
He just said he wasn't going to
*writes all this down*
I'll add a please, if it will help.
