CONFESSIONAL thread (ANONYMOUS so tell us the juicy stuff!)
- Thread starter Holdfast
- Start date
Oh my... some people might dispute that.
I'd say tell your parents (at the very least, tell them you're with her now, even if you don't tell them you've been lying to them all this time).
He should tell his girlfriend first, he'll need her support after telling the parents.
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Maybe you'd have a better idea of how she'd react to the news that he told his parents he broke up with her. I figured she might not be so happy to hear that.
I agree. Your parents are definately in the wrong (although your girlfriend should not have called your parents house and said anything to your folks- that's a massive mistake on her part) and I hope everything works out.
I think she'd be bloody furious - I know I would be. But as I see it, he has to tell both his parents and his girlfriend. If he just tells his parents, you can bet they're going to comment on it in some way when the group meet up. Trust me, these things happen.
I'm trying to figure out how I'd feel. I'm not entirely sure.
It's not the lying to the parents - I wouldn't care about that, they're his parents, lie all you want mate. It's the fact that he would also have spent two years lying to her, about how his parents are doing, whether they'll come visit etc.
If, right after he'd told his parents about the "break-up", he had said to me (as his girlfriend - stay with me here) "look, my parents were driving me up the wall, I'm sorry I told them we broke up just to shut them up" I probably wouldn't have cared.
Having said that, other people don't react the same way I do so don't take my opinion as any sort of useful guide!
That's true. I don't know how much he has lied to her about it so it's a tough call.
Never tell a lie you could get caught out in, that's my motto.
As an X-Files fan I know to always hide a lie between two truths.
I would just tell the truth to the girlfriend and to the parents. They're bound to find out sooner or later anyway. Just be honest with them for a change.
You're an adult, and your parents do NOT dictate whom you can or cannot date or whom you can or cannot befriend. Surely, you can make your own decisions. Lying to the parents (and the girlfriend) in the first place was a mistake, which needs to be rectified. In the process of telling the truth, you may alienate them or upset your girlfriend. But this is YOUR life and you're living it.
I myself have a strong bond with family members, but I would never lie to them just to please or appease them, especially when I'm NOT doing anything remotely wrong.
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Just be yourself.
You're an adult, and your parents do NOT dictate whom you can or cannot date or whom you can or cannot befriend. Surely, you can make your own decisions. Lying to the parents (and the girlfriend) in the first place was a mistake, which needs to be rectified. In the process of telling the truth, you may alienate them or upset your girlfriend. But this is YOUR life and you're living it.
I myself have a strong bond with family members, but I would never lie to them just to please or appease them, especially when I'm NOT doing anything remotely wrong.
EDIT:
Just be yourself.
I highly suggest you tell your girlfriend as soon as you can muster up the courage, and then (regardless of happens with your girlfriend), you tell your parents. Your girlfriend might be terribly angry. Not telling her isn't really going to change the outcome since she's going to find out eventually.
What you did was not the wisest thing, but I also think you're beating yourself up way too much over this. People mess up. Your girlfriend shouldn't have called up your parents, your parents shouldn't have been so relentless with their criticism, and you shouldn't have lied. These things happen. What's important is that you recognize your mistakes, and try to take the appropriate action afterwards.
Explain to your girlfriend the amount of pressure you were getting. You don't want to piss her off more by harping on the fact that your parents don't like her, but if there's a huge problem in your life, she has the right to some knowledge of it. Apologize, tell her you're going to come clean with your parents, and hopefully she'll realize that you were stuck in a bad situation.
As far as your parents go ... I've been in a similar situation. My parents hated when I started dating a guy in college. Everytime his name came up or I was going to see him, they'd make it clear that they didn't approve. It got to the point where I was avoiding my family because I was so sick of the endless criticism.
Two things happened. This may or may not be useful to you. First, I asked my boyfriend if we could spend a little time apart, sort of a break, because I was getting a lot of pressure and I didn't want to put both him and myself through everything if I wasn't sure I could follow through. It wasn't fair to keep dating him if I was going to end up giving in to pressure from my family, you know? I took my time, decided he was absolutely worth fighting for, and that was that. I was lucky he decided to stay with me through all that.
The second thing that happened was, I sat down with my parents. I explained to them that this guy made me very happy, and that the only thing that was truly making me unhappy was their reaction to my relationship. I asked my mother if she could give me definitive reasons as to why I should not date him and when she said it was just her own feelings, I told her I understood, but that I had to choose my feelings over hers in this case. I also told my family that I understood that they believed I was making a bad decision. But that they did not need to keep reminding me of this fact. Their point was made.
Many, many years later, I married that guy. I think my parents now like him more than they like me. It took a lot of time, patience, and compromises, but sometimes it does work out. I hope it works out for you.
It takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen. 
I think if you explain as well to them as you have to us, they will understand, even if they don't like it. I would assume your parents love you, and would forgive you for that reason. They would not be so invested in your relationships if they didn't care very much.
I think the most important thing to keep in mind is how we here at TrekBBS can make the most out of this situation.
Ask yourself: "What would Lucy and Ethel do?"
A classic hare-brained scheme?
i'd tell my parents i'm an adult, i can date who i want and you can't stop me. if you don't like it, tough.
especially since you're not living with them, it's got absolutely nothing to do with them.
then i'd grovel to the girlfriend for her forgiveness.
but then, i wouldn't be in that situation in the first place. my parens didn't like my ex much, but they let me get on with it. i was 23, it was my choice and my mistake to make.
especially since you're not living with them, it's got absolutely nothing to do with them.
then i'd grovel to the girlfriend for her forgiveness.
but then, i wouldn't be in that situation in the first place. my parens didn't like my ex much, but they let me get on with it. i was 23, it was my choice and my mistake to make.
Here's a confession for ya: I thought for the longest while that it was "hair-brained" and not "hare-brained". I couldn't figure out the sense in that
This is impressive logic.
OK, a couple more confessions.
One by email, with a Gumpian life/chocolate analogy:
And one by PM, revealing that this thread is causing a few old synapses to spark back into life:
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