CONFESSIONAL thread (ANONYMOUS so tell us the juicy stuff!)

[Gryffindorian]

The whole relationship thing in Baggins' thread confused. Whose father walked out on whose cousin's grand mother?

 

[sidious618]

Yes, next season will bring a whole new episode! Can't wait!

Yeah, it has been a while.

 

[Australis]

The vagina is a scary thing

It is on her!

"The Ballads of MadBaggins" Ah, what epic times we have seen!

 

[Australis]

^ One of those young people's modern popettes.

Sort of like Lulu or Linda Ronstadt or Petula Clark.

-- Australis, long memory

You mean Boy George, Pete Burns or Dana International?

Well, I was giving it a context, thinking of Mutenroshi's venerable years.

 

[Squiggy]

The vagina is a scary thing

It is on her!

"The Ballads of MadBaggins" Ah, what epic times we have seen!

We're due for a new tale aren't we?

 

[Holdfast]

While we await the return of the flash-bang that is the MadBaggins, a few more anonymous confessions to keep things going...

I don't just love singing in a choir because of my love of music, I love it because it liberates me from the realities of my life for that short period of time I sing during a rehearsal or concert. I have Tic Disorder (similar to Tourette Syndrome, but not as severe), and I when I'm singing, I feel free, because no tics manifest themselves. I have no idea why...maybe it's because my entire being is so enthralled in the music that there aren't any synapses left over to enable any Tics, but all I know is, singing has turned from a hobby, into a salvation.

^ not sure why this has to be a confession - sounds very life-affirming to me.

I hate birthday parties, because of my dad. He is a complete neat freak, and the cleanliness of the house is the most important thing, especially when family (who could care less as to the appearance of our house) is expected to visit. He'll get so stressed to the point of yelling, because the house isn't clean, on my birthday. According to him, it's all my fault, because I just don;t seem to understand that things need to be clean, and I can't do my chores to his standard (which even a psychologist has observed to be unreasonable). He's even expressed that he believes that we as a family, don't love or appreciate him, because we don't keep the house neat, clean, and organized for him. It makes me feel like crap, and I'm pretty sure he knows this. Every year, as far back as I can remember, he's always driven me to tears on the day of my party. He did when I was 5, and he did last year, when I turned 16.

And one from a guy who sounds pretty unhappy right now:

i am extremely self-centered and extremely depressed. driving down the road i often look for likely spots to run my car off the road and kill myself. i often ponder what would be the least painful method of suicide, but i know i couldn't ever go through with it because it would kill my parents. still there are days when the lonelieness overwhelms me and i feel like i can't get out of bed. but i do, because i know if i don't work, i don't get paid, and you have to have a job. and these days, you don't just give up a job and go looking for something better because there is nothing better. thousands of people out there are out of work who know what they want to do. the only thing i know is that i don't want to do this, and i have no ideas how to make a living doing anything i actually like doing. there's nothing i do like doing so well that i'd risk my current security on it. i'm too fickle. i'd be too ashamed of the shame involved in just lying in bed all day trying to sleep because at least when you're asleep you don't hurt anymore. but you do, especially when you're depressed, even sleep doesn't take it away, and when you can't sleep you feel even worse for trying to sleep instead of facing the life you've got.

i find most social functions and niceties positively unbearable because there are always the happy couples holding hands and loving on each other. i use facebook as a form of self-torture, looking at all the family pictures my friends post and reading how much they love their spouses and how blessed they feel. i never post depressed stuff because there are people who would fawn all over me, and that doesn't help, it just ends up bothering other people and i'm still depressed. i do my best to hide it because there's nothing more annoying than the mopey person who's never happy about anything in their life. no one wants to be around that person. frankly, i don't want to be around people either - i tend to develop deep feelings for unavailable people that are only exacerbated when those people show me any attention.

for the first time since i was a freshman in college, someone hit on me about a month ago. it was a genuine "i like you" moment that came from a near stranger in a restaurant. i left and fought tears for the rest of the day, and i'm too scared to go back to where it happened. the person was not for me, i wasn't interested, but i can't help berating myself for ignoring what might be my only chance, ever. and i feel guilty for avoiding the place, because the person put themselves out there and now probably feels completely shafted, even though i tried to be nice while it was happening. i was so shocked that it was even happening that my response was less than coherent.. still, i don't intend to go back there.

 

[Kestra]

While we await the return of the flash-bang that is the MadBaggins, a few more anonymous confessions to keep things going...

I don't just love singing in a choir because of my love of music, I love it because it liberates me from the realities of my life for that short period of time I sing during a rehearsal or concert. I have Tic Disorder (similar to Tourette Syndrome, but not as severe), and I when I'm singing, I feel free, because no tics manifest themselves. I have no idea why...maybe it's because my entire being is so enthralled in the music that there aren't any synapses left over to enable any Tics, but all I know is, singing has turned from a hobby, into a salvation.

^ not sure why this has to be a confession - sounds very life-affirming to me.

Not all confessions have to be negative things, I suppose. I like this one, and I'm glad this person has music in his/her life.

And one from a guy who sounds pretty unhappy right now:

...
for the first time since i was a freshman in college, someone hit on me about a month ago. it was a genuine "i like you" moment that came from a near stranger in a restaurant. i left and fought tears for the rest of the day, and i'm too scared to go back to where it happened. the person was not for me, i wasn't interested, but i can't help berating myself for ignoring what might be my only chance, ever. and i feel guilty for avoiding the place, because the person put themselves out there and now probably feels completely shafted, even though i tried to be nice while it was happening. i was so shocked that it was even happening that my response was less than coherent.. still, i don't intend to go back there.

You have no reason to feel guilty. You were surprised and uncomfortable and didn't know quite what to do. I don't know who you are or what all you're dealing with in your life, but I do hope you seek professional help because it sounds as if you're seriously depressed. And I'm sure more than just your parents would be hurting if you ever did anything. You seem like a very honest, decent person. Please get some help, or just engage in life more wherever you can.

Also my PM box is always open ...

 

[sidious618]

I agree with Kestra. The last person needs to seek some counseling. Trust me, doing so will improve your life.

 

[AstroSmurf]

i am extremely self-centered and extremely depressed. driving down the road i often look for likely spots to run my car off the road and kill myself. i often ponder what would be the least painful method of suicide, but i know i couldn't ever go through with it because it would kill my parents. still there are days when the lonelieness overwhelms me and i feel like i can't get out of bed. but i do, because i know if i don't work, i don't get paid, and you have to have a job. and these days, you don't just give up a job and go looking for something better because there is nothing better. thousands of people out there are out of work who know what they want to do. the only thing i know is that i don't want to do this, and i have no ideas how to make a living doing anything i actually like doing. there's nothing i do like doing so well that i'd risk my current security on it. i'm too fickle. i'd be too ashamed of the shame involved in just lying in bed all day trying to sleep because at least when you're asleep you don't hurt anymore. but you do, especially when you're depressed, even sleep doesn't take it away, and when you can't sleep you feel even worse for trying to sleep instead of facing the life you've got.

i find most social functions and niceties positively unbearable because there are always the happy couples holding hands and loving on each other. i use facebook as a form of self-torture, looking at all the family pictures my friends post and reading how much they love their spouses and how blessed they feel. i never post depressed stuff because there are people who would fawn all over me, and that doesn't help, it just ends up bothering other people and i'm still depressed. i do my best to hide it because there's nothing more annoying than the mopey person who's never happy about anything in their life. no one wants to be around that person. frankly, i don't want to be around people either - i tend to develop deep feelings for unavailable people that are only exacerbated when those people show me any attention.

for the first time since i was a freshman in college, someone hit on me about a month ago. it was a genuine "i like you" moment that came from a near stranger in a restaurant. i left and fought tears for the rest of the day, and i'm too scared to go back to where it happened. the person was not for me, i wasn't interested, but i can't help berating myself for ignoring what might be my only chance, ever. and i feel guilty for avoiding the place, because the person put themselves out there and now probably feels completely shafted, even though i tried to be nice while it was happening. i was so shocked that it was even happening that my response was less than coherent.. still, i don't intend to go back there.

My goodness... I just want to give someone a huge hug right now. It sure sounds like they need it. And I have to tell you, speaking from experience, this kind of thing will pass with time but it might do you some good to see your doctor. I am never one to advocate medicating but for this I do. I think you would be surprised at the deference it can make. And once you can get the brain chemistry humming along correctly, you can back-off on the meds. But if whoever you are needs to talk, feel free to send me a PM. I may not have decent advice to give but I can listen like a champ. However, you may not want to talk to me since I am so damn perky all the time.

Oh and you shouldn't feel guilty for feeling this way. Sometimes it is simply alright to be selfish and wade around in the darkness so don't be so hard on yourself.

 

[Kestra]

^^^ You're such a sweetheart, AstroSmurf.

 

[Emher]

Wow. I had to check that I hadn't sent a mail little over a year ago into the future somehow since that last confession sounds a LOT how I was feeling last spring. I know you don't believe things can be better, but they can. For what helped was going after one of my dreams. And even though it turned out I wasn't meant to purse that dream, that it wasn't for me, I've still grown immensely as a person and got to know some great people trough the experience.

Nothing is unfixable. And hey, that's gotta be true when it comes form one of the most self deprecating guys on the board.

 

[An Officer]

I felt like the last confessor a few years ago while going through some very stressful situations. It's perfectly normal. One in four people suffer depression at least once in their lives. It will pass. I would only say to you confide in a friend you trust, if you don't want to see a professional that is. Get some exercise, get those endorphins going, and watch what you eat - the better you eat, the better you feel. Do nice things for yourself to treat yourself, etc...

A very good friend said to me, "and this too shall pass"... and it did. It will pass all the faster if you do more to help yourself - self help books aren't a bad idea... I read The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle about that time, and it helped me realise that living in the moment is where happiness or at least contentment lies. Once you get rid of the baggage which comes from stressing about the past or worrying about the future, you may find that right now, at this very moment, everything is fine just fine.

Wishing you all the best feelings in life...

 

[Gryffindorian]

I myself went through depression many years ago, and it was the worst emotion I had ever felt in my life. It was triggered by some stuff I was going through at the time, and I was just overwhelmed. It was bad enough that it was coupled with anxiety attacks, but there were also feelings of guilt and shame. The anxiety made me even more depressed, but I took a proactive approach and didn't want to see my condition deteriorate. I sought therapy, received medication (which I still take to help me get a good handle on things), and gained strength from the love and support of my friends and family.

This may sound cliché, but there is LIGHT at the end of the tunnel. As the others said, you will get through this. You just have to take the first step and see your doctor at your earliest convenience. Good luck.

 

[Tim]

While we await the return of the flash-bang that is the MadBaggins...

Actually, I think it's the lack of bang that's the problem.

 

[ShamelessMcBundy]

^^^ You're such a sweetheart, AstroSmurf.

No wonder he gets the love PMs.

 

[AstroSmurf]

Oh my... some people might dispute that.

 

[Commander Rabbit]

i am extremely self-centered and extremely depressed. driving down the road i often look for likely spots to run my car off the road and kill myself. i often ponder what would be the least painful method of suicide

"Been there, done that," for more years than I want to remember. (I guess that's MY confession.) I hope the writer will get professional help. Psychotherapy and medications really do work.

 

[Holdfast]

One from the "Marmion" Confessional Files:

For the last 4 years I have been in a relationship. When I first introduced her to my parents during the first year, they took an instant dislike to her. They had no specific complaint, just that she wasn't good enough for me, and that in their opinion I "could do better".

Until this I have always had a wonderful relationship with my parents. Eery time I spoke with them they'd let me know their opinion, which constantly led to arguments with them. Their opinion dropped further when the girlfriend and I had an massive argument once and I stormed off to cool down (before I'd do something I'd regret). She assumed I'd gone to their place and unfortunately rang there while still angry and let my father know what she thought of me at the time.

Anyway, towards the end of the second year I was getting pretty frustrated with all of this, and in a moment of what I now recognise as blatant stupidity, just to get some peace from them, I told them that we had broken up. At first it was wonderful, as my relationship with my parents returned to normal. I didn't tell the girlfriend this as I knew she, quite naturally, wouldn't like it. Since my parents lived an hours drive away, it was easy at first to maintain the double life. When we'd catch up I'd volunteer to go to their place, and on the rare occasion they wished to visit me I'd pick a day when the girlfriend was working. I even spent a Christmas with her and lied to my parents that I was staying with friends.

Then a year ago, the girlfriend ran into some financial difficulties thanks to her helping out her ill mother and her deadbeat sister. She could no longer afford to rent her place and I said she could move in with me until she got back on her feet. So for the last year my place has been filled with her possessions and I have had to make every excuse under the sun to stop my parents visiting.

Now I am in a no-win situation, and an upcoming event in October will bring this all to light. Either way someone I care very deeply about will know I have been blatantly lying to them for 2+ years and, quite rightly, think the worst of me. I now have trouble sleeping, which is impacting my work performance and health.

What started as a moment of blessed relief has now become my burden. Let all who read this know that the quick and easy path seldon turns out to be so in the long run.

 

[RJDiogenes]

Wow, if my parents expressed dislike toward a girlfriend of mine, I'd just laugh at them.

 

[AstroSmurf]

^ Just change "girlfriend" to "boyfriend" and you have a... Ditto... from me.