Cheating in a long term relationship.

[Autistoid]

I know this is one of those wierd threads but here goes.

I think my relationship is about to get pretty serious. I'm with someone I just know I'm likely gonna spend the rest of my life with. I'm thinking ahead pretty seriously, one of the things I'm rather focused on is not lying unless absolutely necessary/justified.

Anyways one of the things I was thinking about was that cheating (one night stand with no relationship), doesn't seem to be near as big of a deal as alot of other things.

Not saying it's something I'd consider, but its surprising less worst than alot of other things that people seem to shrug off.

 

[trekkiedane]

I think I know what you're saying there^

The act of 'not lying' (unless it's about a birthday surprise or some such thing) is a big part of the intimacy that makes up a relationship, but sex is (can be) just a physical gratifiction thing, not unlike having a donut while on a diet...

But it only works if it's part of the way of the relationship that such behaviour is allowed (or indeed; encouraged), and if just one of the partners is a woman I think it highly unlikely!

 

[hux]

When you're young, you should aspire to fall madly in love and live happily ever after with "the one" surrounded by an assortment of singing Disney characters

When you're older, you tend to be more pragmatic

 

[Shaw]

cheating + long term relationship = short term relationship

 

[MacLeod]

I would go one step further cheating + relationship (long or short) = high probability of no relationship.

 

[Relayer1]

I know this is one of those wierd threads but here goes.

I think my relationship is about to get pretty serious. I'm with someone I just know I'm likely gonna spend the rest of my life with. I'm thinking ahead pretty seriously, one of the things I'm rather focused on is not lying unless absolutely necessary/justified.

Anyways one of the things I was thinking about was that cheating (one night stand with no relationship), doesn't seem to be near as big of a deal as alot of other things.

Not saying it's something I'd consider, but its surprising less worst than alot of other things that people seem to shrug off.

It's a dealbreaker. Even if your relationship survives, trust will be gone.

If you're not ready to be faithful, do your partner a favour and get out now. Either that or grow up.

There's nothing wrong with playing the field OR settling down, but you can't do both. If you try, you're a dick.

 

[RandyS]

I know this is one of those wierd threads but here goes.

I think my relationship is about to get pretty serious. I'm with someone I just know I'm likely gonna spend the rest of my life with. I'm thinking ahead pretty seriously, one of the things I'm rather focused on is not lying unless absolutely necessary/justified.

Anyways one of the things I was thinking about was that cheating (one night stand with no relationship), doesn't seem to be near as big of a deal as alot of other things.

Not saying it's something I'd consider, but its surprising less worst than alot of other things that people seem to shrug off.

It's a dealbreaker. Even if your relationship survives, trust will be gone.

If you're not ready to be faithful, do your partner a favour and get out now. Either that or grow up.

There's nothing wrong with playing the field OR settling down, but you can't do both. If you try, you're a dick.

Wow, such morality. You wouldn't last two minutes in my dad's family.

And that's only one of the reasons he and I don't speak.

 

[Kemaiku]

I know this is one of those wierd threads but here goes.

I think my relationship is about to get pretty serious. I'm with someone I just know I'm likely gonna spend the rest of my life with. I'm thinking ahead pretty seriously, one of the things I'm rather focused on is not lying unless absolutely necessary/justified.

Anyways one of the things I was thinking about was that cheating (one night stand with no relationship), doesn't seem to be near as big of a deal as alot of other things.

Not saying it's something I'd consider, but its surprising less worst than alot of other things that people seem to shrug off.

It's a dealbreaker. Even if your relationship survives, trust will be gone.

Yup.

 

[hux]

There's nothing wrong with playing the field OR settling down, but you can't do both. If you try, you're a dick.

Yes, you can.

I was in an open relationship for a while. Worked out fine

 

[MacLeod]

There's nothing wrong with playing the field OR settling down, but you can't do both. If you try, you're a dick.

Yes, you can.

I was in an open relationship for a while. Worked out fine

But doesn't cheating imply doing something behind your partners back, whilst being in an open relationship means that both parties have consented to having relationships with others.

 

[lurok]

^ yes.

'Cheats never prosper', they said.

Clearly FIFA, banking fraternity, cricket match fixers (et alia) would disagree.

 

[hux]

There's nothing wrong with playing the field OR settling down, but you can't do both. If you try, you're a dick.

Yes, you can.

I was in an open relationship for a while. Worked out fine

But doesn't cheating imply doing something behind your partners back, whilst being in an open relationship means that both parties have consented to having relationships with others.

Of course

I was responding to the phrase "settling down". You can settle down without monogamy

 

[Shaw]

Yes, you can.

I was in an open relationship for a while. Worked out fine

Doesn't "for a while" imply short term?

And I'd think "Worked out fine" would be you still in that relationship. Unless you mean that it worked out fine in that you could keep browsing the field until you found something better (meaning you weren't in it for the long term anyways).

 

[auntiehill]

I would go one step further cheating + relationship (long or short) = high probability of no relationship.

This.

If you think cheating is OK, don't be a in long term relationship. If you think cheating is OK, it's most likely all of your long term relationships will end up as short term relationships.

If you don't want to be in a monogamous relationship then don't. be. in. one.

 

[Relayer1]

Yes, you can.

I was in an open relationship for a while. Worked out fine

But doesn't cheating imply doing something behind your partners back, whilst being in an open relationship means that both parties have consented to having relationships with others.

Of course

I was responding to the phrase "settling down". You can settle down without monogamy

True, there's all sorts of relationships. I was using 'settling down' rather narrowly.

And as mentioned earlier, in an open relationship, you're not cheating.

 

[Kemaiku]

Yup, short to the degree of "How much longer is it going to take you to pack?"

 

[Gaseous Anomaly]

Yup, short to the degree of "How much longer is it going to take you to pack?"

No packing necessary, they will be picking their stuff up from the curb or trash.

 

[TEACAKE'S PLEATHER DOME]

I thought the OP meant that if his partner cheated on him it wouldn't be that big a deal to him. So to address that I'd say even if you think it's something you could cope with and not be destroyed by it depends on the context. Who was it with, a friend? Was there a betrayal element? Were you in conflict with your partner at the time in a way that one night stand has an extra sting to it? Did you find out it happened by accident or did your partner honestly tell you? What happens next? Do you feel like your partner cheating gives you permission to do so as well?

These things are rarely simple. It's true some won't be bothered by it as much as others, but you don't know until you are there and every time something like this happens it is different.

 

[sidious618]

Yes, you can.

I was in an open relationship for a while. Worked out fine

Doesn't "for a while" imply short term?

And I'd think "Worked out fine" would be you still in that relationship. Unless you mean that it worked out fine in that you could keep browsing the field until you found something better (meaning you weren't in it for the long term anyways).

You're assuming that the reason the relationship ended was because they weren't monogamous, though. Also, are we to declare any relationship a failure if it doesn't last until one partner dies? That seems rather depressing.

 

[Shaw]

Yes, you can.

I was in an open relationship for a while. Worked out fine

Doesn't "for a while" imply short term?

And I'd think "Worked out fine" would be you still in that relationship. Unless you mean that it worked out fine in that you could keep browsing the field until you found something better (meaning you weren't in it for the long term anyways).

You're assuming that the reason the relationship ended was because they weren't monogamous, though. Also, are we to declare any relationship a failure if it doesn't last until one partner dies? That seems rather depressing.

Actually, my only assumption is that we were talking about a short term relationship from which one or both members moved on to other people. The only part that would really be in question is what one considers to be the definition of long term verses short term with regards to relationships.

If your definition of long term is until someone dies... then I've seen some 20, 30 and even 50 year short term relationships.

I'd consider something 5 years or longer a reasonable definition, but I think that it is different for everyone. If hux thought the relationship qualified as a reasonably long term one, I'm sure we'd have gotten that qualification.

But lets be clear, people who either cheat or set up open relationships aren't really wanting to be with the person they are with... that person is just the best they can hook for the time being. That seems rather depressing to me.