Caption Contest 53: Novocaine

[star]

Mayweather: "Thank you, Captain, for the dinner invitation. And might I add, Commander Tucker, that I agree with you, the Sub Commander really DOES have a nice rack."

Archer: "Well you're welcome Travis, and yes, she....wait a minute....WHA?"

B.R.I.L.L.I.A.N.T.

 

[F. King Daniel]

Archer: What's Mayweather doing here?

Trip: What? You said you wanted a quiet dinner party.

 

[Captain Crow]

Archer,thinking: "Mental note: ban the use of rectal thermometers for monthly physicals."

 

[Gil T.Azell]

Archer: "Chuck Bartowski? Never heard of him"

 

[jolene_b_fan]

Capt Crow entry - hilarious!

 

[cooleddie74]

"ONE of these days I'm gonna learn the RIGHT way to use hand and body wash.

I swear."

ARCHER: Tell them you left your wallet on the ship.

PHLOX: Which one? Because I brought the Hello Kitty one WITH me.

"Your buttocks, Earthman...

They're SOOOO shale!!!"

ARCHER: OH.

Travis.

I didn't even know you were HERE.

When did you come in?

 

[cooleddie74]

Plunging into the giant, cavernous openings on planetoid Vaginus II.

An experience NEVER to be forgotten. Nor easily recovered from.

 

[Mistral]

Travis(to T'Pol): "Bull's testicles. We were out of feta and the salad needed a garnish."

Archer: "Where the hell did you find a bull out here in space?"

Travis: "Well, I didn't, exactly."

Archer: "Then where-"

Travis: "Bulls, beagles, they both start with 'B' so I figured..."

 

[cooleddie74]

TRAVIS: Thanks for inviting me to dinner, guys.

I get so lonely in my quarters.

Even my desktop computer terminal won't give me the time of day half the time.

 

[cooleddie74]

Yes.

Even JONATHAN ARCHER couldn't believe it wasn't Dirt Butter.(TM)

 

[LeadHead]

Archer: Travis, we've invited you here so you can give us some feedback about how you think the mission is going.

Mayweather: Okay, well since you guys take Shuttlepods everywhere, how bout having your best pilot fly some of those missions? Hint, Hint.

Archer: Good idea! Trip, tell Malcolm he'll be on the Mission tomorrow too.

 

[cooleddie74]

TRAVIS: "Lean Cuisine"?

ARCHER: Nothing but the BEST for our intrepid boomer and helmsman!

TRIP: Sunnuvabitch. Mine is missing the apple strudel.

 

[Mistral]

Archer: "What are you pointing that at me for? He's got all of the money!"

 

[cooleddie74]

Mutual of Omaha's WILD PLANET:

Awkward Encounters Edition

 

[cooleddie74]

Alright...

I admit it!!

I CAN'T FIX A BROKEN COMMODE!!!

 

[Mistral]

Archer: "I was going to hide out here until the caption contest ends and avoid all of those dick and fart jokes *pant, pant* but the damn thing just keeps going on and on!"

 

[Mistral]

Travis: "So then I thought, fuck it, no one notices me anyway, and I short-sheeted the captain's bed."

Archer: "Excuse me???"

T'Pol: "Was someone speaking?"

Trip: "The captain must have farted- it's the only time he says that."

Travis: "See what I mean?"

 

[Mistral]

Archer: "Jeez, you sleep with one or two small alien children and the whole native village is up in arms!"

 

[Admiral Shran]

Archer: So let me see if I got this straight. We take one shot if Trip says Cap'n, one shot if T'Pol does anything sexually provocative, two shots every time Hoshi opens communications, three shots whenever I feed Porthos cheese, and five shots whenever Travis says anything.
Trip: That's right Cap'n.
T'Pol: I doubt that my Vulcan biology can handle that much alcohol.