Bullying is a problem in our society

[KJbushway]

Now George Takei was right bullying whether is vocal and or physical can take a toll on someone's life. I know trust me, I have gotten the worse of the worse when it came to bullying. While I am not gay that was used against me by bullies, I had friends however, who were and they didn't have a better time in school either. While its in our nature to bring down those who seem less than us, our intelligence should out perform our instinct. Its unfortunate that people kill themselves over bullying, but it does happen. Lets no forget those who took action because of what happened to them. No, it was not acceptable that they took lives before taking their own, but we must remember what took them to that place. People generally feel sad for a bully victim when they hear that they either hurt themselves or killed themselves, but my question is where were they when it was happening. Many times a victim just having someone standing up for them could ease their daily pain. It important to remember that our technological advancement will not solve all of our issues. Take the INTERNET for one, it has been the recent and most painful way to harass someone with, the deaths that recently occurred, happened because of bullying. Sometimes the most friendly people, the most innocent people are bullied. These people would be the best friend, would do anything for a friend. These people would love with their hearts, but too many times the light in them never shows and sadly sometimes they turn it off by suicide. So as human beings we must remember that everyone who escapes by suicide isn't weak, if you have ever been bullied you would know that often a mind turns to that, that a mind would think of a way out because of the constant sadness. There is people who survive the most harmful bullying. All forms of bullying, mental, physical, harassment. Some people who survived like me did it in unhealthy ways, like holding it all in, all the anger, frustration, rage, and sadness. We in the future run the risk of taking it out on the people we care about the most. Now a lot of those who suffer from bullying are fortunate in that it was small, but that doesn't take away from the fact that it happened to them. These people live good lifes. Not everyone who is bullied live terrible life's, but some who got the worst kinds have left us today and some suffer from fears and sadness for the rest of their life's. Remember all it could take is just for someone to stick up for them and show some heart, and become their friend. I promise you this, just doing that and you would have the best friend in the world, and a happy light would show instead of going dark.

What is your view on this and what are some solutions or regulations you think could lessen or eventually end it?

 

[JustAFriend]

Solutions???

Hate to tell you but this sort of behavior has been going on since the species came down from the trees.

Read some history, read some Shakespere, read some ancient Greek and Roman texts.

It's deplorable but we seem to be hard-wired for it....

 

[TedShatner10]

Schoolyard level bullying is just a "milder" byproduct of the criminal sociopaths amongst us who want everything their own way and just don't care.

 

[Miss Chicken]

I wasn't aggressively bullied at school, I was ostracised, at least by the girls, which I guess is a form of bullying.

I had friends that were boys. Unfortunately, from grade three onwards, my primary school had separate playgrounds for boys and for girls so I couldn't play with boys during school breaks.

High school was worse. My mother, in her 'wisdom' send me to an all-girls school. I hated it.

 

[KJbushway]

Girls are actually getting worse than the guys, the hit hard, and I don't mean physically. ostracized is a form of bullying it was a decision for those girls to purposely make you feel lonely.

Now I wouldn't say that in our evolution there won't be more productive counter measures in school, the work place.
If bullying can't be fixed than that means we can't as a whole be truly intellectual.

 

[Deranged Nasat]

It's deplorable but we seem to be hard-wired for it....

Sorry, I must protest. No, we're not. I for one never had any desire or urge to inflict any sort of harm on anyone. So unless I'm a freak of medical science or an alien in disguise, it's not a case of being "hard-wired" for anything. Now, I agree very strongly that natural instincts are heavily involved, but they're removed a step from the bullying - the bullying, I'd say, is a learned social response that helps people overcome the fear and insecurity that is instinctive, and has to be overcome by a child's family and community. Of course, due to the tendency for most humans to seek security through power and control, and these being achieved through strength-in-numbers conformist thinking, most people do need someone as yet uncontrolled to spit at and hate, be it some vague hypothetical "baddie" or the child seated next to them, and they attack in groups.

The human who has no interest in power will not engage in bullying activities. If they instead build their sense of security through empathic connections to family, friends, a supportive community and/or their own distinct mind and spirit, there will be no bullying. Unfortunately, most humans seek security through power, and so seek to "link" themselves into groups which are united not through mutual appreciation but by desperate clinging to a mutual line of reasoning, ideology or identity. And by fighting against other groupings, particularly those with less power.

Everything I've seen indicates to me that bullying is a learned behaviour. Some of my most striking memories are of seeing young children "learning" to bully and taking time to understand how they were expected to act. There was nothing instinctive about it. They had to be taught, mostly through observation.

Bullying is a sign of a highly dysfunctional society. I was bullied very severely throughout my late childhood and adolescence. This despite being, if I may say so, one of the most loyal, eager-to-like-and-be-liked, overall "nicest" children around. And I was highly intelligent. It is simply not logical that a child like that should be made to feel totally unwelcome in his own society. Where is the logic in letting a child like that go to waste? It's an appalling mismanagement of available resources and shows quite clearly why the current social models do not work. I always strive to try and demonstrate through my own behaviour and, well, existence, that there are alternatives.

 

[Tom Hendricks]

I agree that Bullying in all forms is ramped and has been for a long time. The reason, those in charge turn a blind eye to it. This is especially true in schools around the US. You have teachers and administrators who just ignore this behavior or worst, encourage it. It seams no one wants to expel the energy to combat it.

Were currently looking at private schools for my older son as we speak, we went to one last weekend and were going to visit another this Saturday. My main question to the administrators is, "what is your policy on bullying and how do you prevent it?" I won't let my sons be bullied or be bullies.

 

[Deranged Nasat]

This is especially true in schools around the US. You have teachers and administrators who just ignore this behavior or worst, encourage it. It seams no one wants to expel the energy to combat it.

It's the same in the UK, and I imagine most places. And it's because most people conform to the group ideology/power based means of finding security, rather than the much more individualistic yet mutually-supportive models they should be using. In the teacher's case, they're encouraged to identify with their school, and schools compete just as humans are encouraged to compete. Schools have to show they're a "good school" with no problems. So they just deny, deny, deny.

Plus the teachers probably don't really see anything wrong with children who don't conform being bullied (unless it's really extreme physical aggression). Failure to integrate into an ideological grouping is not looked upon kindly by most people. Look how quick most people are to become aggressive if they find someone who doesn't fit into their ideological/moral model. So I'm not saying teachers in most cases support it, it's just that it doesn't send up any red flags. The people with power through desperate adherence to the group are attacking the less powerful who don't "join up". What's wrong with that? It's the "natural order" to most. Plus, many teachers are frightened of their pupils, sadly.

So, so many bullied children know there's only one way to stop being bullied - join the bullying group against a new victim. Once you're "in", they're satisfied and won't attack you. Unfortunately, our societies encourage competitive struggle between ideologies and group identities which aggress against those who don't conform, and therefore so many will rush to "join up" and conform - and thus gain some power and security themselves - rather than be left vulnerable. So no school and few teachers are going to jeopardise their power by sticking their neck out and challenging the group structures to help a bullied child. Or at least, they help the child "secretly", where and when they can.

 

[RJDiogenes]

Remember all it could take is just for someone to stick up for them and show some heart, and become their friend. I promise you this, just doing that and you would have the best friend in the world, and a happy light would show instead of going dark.

There's your solution right there. We should never underestimate the power of a kind word, a show of support or a friendly gesture. These things can save a life and change the world. Well said, KJ.

And DN is right on the money as to the motivation for bullying; these are people who hide their fear by scaring others.

 

[KJbushway]

Remember all it could take is just for someone to stick up for them and show some heart, and become their friend. I promise you this, just doing that and you would have the best friend in the world, and a happy light would show instead of going dark.

There's your solution right there. We should never underestimate the power of a kind word, a show of support or a friendly gesture. These things can save a life and change the world. Well said, KJ.

And DN is right on the money as to the motivation for bullying; these are people who hide their fear by scaring others.

Thank you
I wished for someone to help me, and when I got bigger I helped the small, but since I got picked on too the help didn't help to much so I became his friend and her friend, we talked to each other and through that I even prevented one of my friends from committing suicide, that was 2 years ago and she is a strong person now.

 

[KJbushway]

It's deplorable but we seem to be hard-wired for it....

Bullying is a sign of a highly dysfunctional society. I was bullied very severely throughout my late childhood and adolescence. This despite being, if I may say so, one of the most loyal, eager-to-like-and-be-liked, overall "nicest" children around. And I was highly intelligent. It is simply not logical that a child like that should be made to feel totally unwelcome in his own society. Where is the logic in letting a child like that go to waste? It's an appalling mismanagement of available resources and shows quite clearly why the current social models do not work. I always strive to try and demonstrate through my own behaviour and, well, existence, that there are alternatives.

Right, thats one of my points its usually the nicest people, and when those people get bullied its hard to bring them back to that good light. I make one hell of a friend, I listen really well, one of the reasons I had many girl that were friends, of course the more jealous boys felt small and spread around that gay rumor. I will do anything I can for a friend if possible, I give advice, and I back up by buds. I didn't loose that through bullying, but thats only because late in life I realized that I controlled my own destiny and that if I steamed on this stuff or reacted as I had done in the past by swing a fist that I could hurt any dreams I set for myself. Thats not always the case for some, I am just unique and REAL stubborn.

I also don't talk to people about my problems I just take it all in, which isn't healthy, but I am out of high school, so its better now. So teachers might have noticed, I know some did, but the real problem is that even if a teacher does notice and call the bullies out it doesn't help that victim, because I seen myself that a teacher caught bullying happening suspended the kids that did it, but when they came back they just made it worse for the victim. The really bad thing is that they just find smarter ways of bullying the kid without a teacher or administrator noticing.

 

[Listener4]

The best way to combat bullying is to build up the strength, self esteem, and confidence of people so the effect of bullying is limited. Neither schools, governments, nor corporations do this however.

 

[Holdfast]

The human who has no interest in power will not engage in bullying activities.

Is it really possible for there to be such a thing?

Power, interpreted in its broadest sense, is something all humans intrinsically want. You don't have to be Nietzsche to think that, you just need to think about yourself. We all want something. Wanting something is about ownership. It's about shaping our destiny such that a particular outcome is achieved and maintained. I can't see how that's NOT a desire for power. Even if it's just the power to not be bullied...

Power is just a function of control. Regardless of where you come at the issue politically or socially, the human story is one of exertion of control over the world, or others, or oneself.

Bullying is the social term we designate when power is exercised beyond accepted social limits. It can't be stamped out, because children have to learn where the social limits actually are. They'll experiment, push against the boundaries and try to go beyond them. Good parents and good teachers will find ways to educate and enforce maintanance of the boundaries, but it can't ever be 100%.

In fact, I'm far from convinced children would be able to learn the limits of what society permits if you didn't give them sufficient freedom growing up to make mistakes. Including making the mistake of bullying another child. Not that it should be encouraged, of course the reverse should be so... just that I think it's an inevitable by-product of the process of socialisation.

 

[KJbushway]

Agreed and then again not 100% agreed.
To think that it can't be fixed over time or chopped down to were its not even in some schools, is just giving the go ahead unintentional of course to the bullies. Has anyone seem the show If You Knew Me? Look at that show, then come back here and say that it can't be lessened in some cases. Almost everything is possible, its only impossible if you don't try.

 

[KJbushway]

The best way to combat bullying is to build up the strength, self esteem, and confidence of people so the effect of bullying is limited. Neither schools, governments, nor corporations do this however.

Building up strength could led to violence between those who are bullies and to those who were bullied. I began to get stronger so I could defend myself with my fists, but I soon realized that by doing that I would become the bully, not everyone would think that way. Building up these things never lessens the effects, trust me even people with good self-esteem get bullied, confindence now That is a solution. But instead of teaching them to have confidence that anyone has, you teach that person how to use that confidence in the right way.

 

[Mr. B]

What is your view on this and what are some solutions or regulations you think could lessen or eventually end it?

Based on my observations in grade school, violent reprisals seem very effective. Beating the crap out of the bully usually works.

 

[KJbushway]

OK, anyother Ideas? I don't think parents will let the school spank the children.

 

[Rush Limborg]

Speaking as a fellow who's been bullied quite a bit--verbally, not physically--I myself have become a man who is determined to stand up for justice.

It seems to me that, as a rule, bullying has something to do with the establishment vs. the individual. The establishment fears the individual, for he is a threat to its power. That is why Political Correctness is so militant, as it were.

But anyhow...as some of you know, I have Asperger's Syndrome. As a result, I have something of an "eccentric" personality. Those in the "norm"--the establishment--naturally tried to gang up, and call me such things as "Frankenstein" (I once had something of a flat top), "alien", and so on. While many others have been through worse (my father could tell horror tales of physical abuse on him by his non-peers), still, I know what it is to be bullied.

To be honest...it is the duty of government--all government--to defend the rights and life of the individual. Thus, in the case of "schoolyard bullies", a school faculty must defend the rights of the individual, and thus impose a zero-tolerance policy against physical, psycological, and verbal abuse against the individual.

That applies in the defense of Theists/Creationists as well as Athiests/Evolutionists, Homosexuals as well as Social Conservatives. The individual must be defended, and the school must be a sanctuary thereof.

Does that mean schools should spank the children? Not really. It means that all bullies must be suspended promptly from school, and the faculty must immediately take this up with the parents.

Chances are, the parents aren't raising the kids right.

 

[Deranged Nasat]

The human who has no interest in power will not engage in bullying activities.

Is it really possible for there to be such a thing?

Power, interpreted in its broadest sense, is something all humans intrinsically want. You don't have to be Nietzsche to think that, you just need to think about yourself. We all want something. Wanting something is about ownership. It's about shaping our destiny such that a particular outcome is achieved and maintained. I can't see how that's NOT a desire for power. Even if it's just the power to not be bullied...

Power is just a function of control. Regardless of where you come at the issue politically or socially, the human story is one of exertion of control over the world, or others, or oneself.

Okay, well said. What I need is a better term, because I often seem to use the word "power" in a very prescriptive way, and as you point out the term encompasses something very broad.

I suppose what I'm trying to say (and lack actual words for) is that the person who lives their life unconcerned with the degree of control they have over others, or have compared to others, will be free from the urge to engage in that sort of behaviour. It's hard, because in practice it often means being the child who allows themselves to be on the receiving end of abuse rather than joining the group and inflicting it on others. If you can position yourself outside of the struggle, you can show others that there's more than one way of life, and they don't have to seek security at the cost of harm to their fellows.

I guess what I see is different types of power, but I'm reluctant for whatever reason to call the type I approve of by that word. I don't know why. So, there's a power that comes from empathy and companionship and other such ties - the power your spouse or children have, or friends or communities or nations, the power you share. It's not about dominance, it's about interdependence that nevertheless affirms your own individuality. Then there's the more desperate type of power that totally avoids the issue of your individuality and comes with numbers and belonging ideologically to a sort of pack. No deeper connections between the members, just collective adherence to the same group identity or the same framework, set against something external. This is the power experienced by school bullies, among others.

Forgive my vague descriptions here, but what I say people need to do is encourage the first kind of power in children, because if you neglect to provide them with it their instincts will kick in and they'll scramble for it in the second, more destructive way (and so wind up as bullies). And unfortunately, so much of our societies actively encourages the second and works against the first. But the second is the power of the animal forming packs to give itself a sense of instinctive security. Squabbling troops of primates. The first is the power of the sapient being that finds security through affirmation of the balance between itself and its community.

If you aren't given the first kind, and have no power in that sense- no security of belonging to a supportive community- there's only two choices. Find power and security in the second way, or make the decision to stand apart and refuse to fight, as it were. And hopefully allow people to start building the positive connections with you. Make a community from scratch rather than give in and join the pack. And it's hard because the instinct to be part of a greater whole is so strong; it's hard to stand alone, especially when you don't actually want to (you're only doing it because you lacked the power and security that comes with being raised in a supportive community, a strong family, a functional society). I'm not sure this comes across in any way sensical.

I'm not good at explaining myself, am I?

 

[RJDiogenes]

^^ It's a matter of context. Power can mean the ability to twist off a bottle cap, so Holdy is indulging in a bit of semantics. In this context, power means subjugating other people, and it is certainly possible not to have that desire. I know I don't.