Bridesmaid issues

[Scout101]

I think Colonel Green has been around too many extremely demanding, self-absorbed couples at many of those weddings, so he may have an understandably low threshold for anything relating to wedding day drama.

Even if Colonel Green is 100% right about everything he said, he's coming across extremely badly about it (IMO), so is unlikely to be listened to. Hunter's venting really didn't seem that bad, certainly not warranting the responses C.G. gave him, so seems pretty clear that a lot of that is C.G. transposing other people's issues onto Hunter...

 

[Colonel Green]

Yeah, you're probably right. My bad.

 

[Guartho]

I've only really read the original post. Sounds like a bride-zilla is gestating. Be sure to stick to your groom-cave on ceremony day. Remember, the reason the groom is not supposed to see the the bride before the ceremony is not a throwback, it's for the groom's own protection.

 

[Mr Awe]

People have different definitions of "friendship." Not saying one is better than another, but different in what is expected as give and take with this person or that person.

Which is what I'm saying about Fiancee and Friend. They've grown up and grown apart (so typical after high school), each has re-defined "friendship," and the two definitions don't mesh--or the definitions are not that far apart but one person no longer fits in the category of "friend" for the other. After all, Friend went through all this for her own wedding, she should recognize the anxiety for what it is.

Exactly, and this is the difference in world view that I mentioned in my post.

Mr Awe

 

[B.J.]

I've only really read the original post. Sounds like a bride-zilla is gestating. Be sure to stick to your groom-cave on ceremony day. Remember, the reason the groom is not supposed to see the the bride before the ceremony is not a throwback, it's for the groom's own protection.

I don't think I've ever heard that one before, but it's perfect!

 

[propita]

People have different definitions of "friendship." Not saying one is better than another, but different in what is expected as give and take with this person or that person.

Which is what I'm saying about Fiancee and Friend. They've grown up and grown apart (so typical after high school), each has re-defined "friendship," and the two definitions don't mesh--or the definitions are not that far apart but one person no longer fits in the category of "friend" for the other. After all, Friend went through all this for her own wedding, she should recognize the anxiety for what it is.

Exactly, and this is the difference in world view that I mentioned in my post.

Mr Awe

Thank you.

I agree with posts after mine, that "wants" become "needs" once a commitment has been made. People have made plans in reliance on Friend's agreement. Friend is aware of the rush of weddings. Friend is seeking to back out of the commitment with seemingly-inadequate notice.

Yes, there could be a gap in the wedding party; whether that's for the best? Who knows? It may be commented on by the guests at the wedding and reception, but will be forgotten by all/most of them afterward.

It will only matter to Fiancee and Hunter after that. Which is why I recommended the drifting friendship be allowed to fully drift to an end. Friend's ability to not over-worry is good for Friend in her life (would that I were more like that sometimes), but her inability to recognize that brides tend to over-worry, and empathize with that after her own experience...it sounds as if Friend is belittling Fiancee's emotions at a time of stress.

Heck, Hubby and I were married at the County Registrar Recorder with Mom and Dad as witnesses. Pretty small, huh? And I still worried about getting there on time and Hubby's later changing out of his suit at Disneyland (before cell phones...he was taking a very long time for a good reason but I was unaware of the reason until he was done). That's all I had to worry about that day--hardly anything at all--and I still worried.

 

[CaptainWacky]

When is my invitation to your wedding going to arrive?

 

[Hunter X]

When is my invitation to your wedding going to arrive?

We figured you knew that no invitation was required. You are automatically welcome.

Who's your plus one?

 

[CaptainWacky]

Jethro. Obviously!

 

[Captain Ice]

I'm fully in support of Hunter here. Telling the bride a month before her wedding that one of her bridesmaids may not be there for anything other than the wedding itself is totally uncool.

Guys, the wedding day/weekend really does need to be about the wedding couple. They need to be treated like they are the center of the universe, even if it is just for a few days.

However, reading this something came to mind. While I feel that she should make the effort to be there the day before, even if it means driving by herself, it may not be possible. There may be factors involved that even Hunter and his bride know nothing of. Add in the fact that Hunter's GF WAS able to be there for several days for her wedding, and there may be a bit of pride involved. She may feel uncomfortable coming out and just saying that they cannot afford for him to take a day off or to make the trip in two vehicles (not to mention that they may only have one vehicle that they trust to make the trip) because she knows that this person was able to do this for her just a year ago.

However, that being said, to wait this long before saying anything at all is simply not cool. Even if they could not afford to do the trip any other way, they needed to tell you about the possibility long before now.

 

[Hunter X]

^It's all good. We're still waiting to hear back from the Bridesmaid, but we're just gonna roll with it for now.

Practically speaking, we're still possibly down our musician for the ceremony and aren't hearing back from anyone else we've asked...not that a month is really that much notice for anyone else to prepare for a wedding. We're not panicking or anything, but hey, we have two other bridesmaids and no musicians. Priorities and all.

Not to mention the fiancee's sister just had a break up with her boyfriend after all this happened. Not wedding related, of course, but it's still more important to be there for sister than get obsessed with last week's "crisis".

 

[trampledamage]

It never rains but it pours.

If I were you, Hunter, I'd make sure I had a pizza delivery company menu on hand just in case the caterers decide not to show up as well!

 

[Mr Awe]

^It's all good. We're still waiting to hear back from the Bridesmaid, but we're just gonna roll with it for now.

Yep, that's the way to go, just roll with it. It won't ruin your wedding by any means. If she shows up early enough, she can be a bridesmaid. If not, she can be in the audience.

Mr Awe