Board/card games ~ do you play to win at any cost?

[K'Ehleyr]

Man has an obsession with board games... of the Settlers of Catan, Stone Age, Ticket to Ride, Carcassonne variety.

Man is immeasurably more intelligent than me. Looks up tips on playing on boardgamegeek, is logical and a stratagist.

I, on the other hand, see playing games as a nice way of passing a couple of hours when there's nothing on tele and I've finished the crossword.

The latest one is 'Jack The Ripper' which is a basic rummy based game, which is within my comprehension. But it comes with twists ~ twists that are only revealed to me after I've lost.

I'm a gracious loser, but it's now starting to grate a little. And I still suggest to play! I must be a masochist!

Yes ~ it's good it win. Yes ~ you should play your best. But surely it's not that important?

Are you a 'must win' person, or a 'that was fun' peep?


In my defence this is a thread about your 'need to win' rather than games which is why it is here and not in gaming.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

Man has an obsession with board games... of the Settlers of Catan, Stone Age, Ticket to Ride, Carcassonne variety.

So he's got a Ticket to Ride, and he *does* care?

 

[Sean Aaron]

All in good fun. The only person I play with is my daughter presently and I give her tips. I won't deliberately throw a game, but I'm not ruthless either. We mostly play games with a sufficient degree of chance that even at age seven she's got a shot at beating me if she's shrewd enough in her choices, notably Cosmic Encounter (Mayfair edition; absolutely worth tracking down) and the Game of Life.

 

[K'Ehleyr]

Man has an obsession with board games... of the Settlers of Catan, Stone Age, Ticket to Ride, Carcassonne variety.

So he's got a Ticket to Ride, and he *does* care?

All in good fun. The only person I play with is my daughter presently and I give her tips. I won't deliberately throw a game, but I'm not ruthless either. We mostly play games with a sufficient degree of chance that even at age seven she's got a shot at beating me if she's shrewd enough in her choices, notably Cosmic Encounter (Mayfair edition; absolutely worth tracking down) and the Game of Life.

SA ~ I think that's the best way. I was taught draughts and chess by my Grandad. He would never let me win but would encourage me and spend the time with me until I worked it out for myself. I appreciate him for making me a good loser, which maybe is where I'm going wrong

Not being ruthless with your daughter is polite, being slaughtered by your Man every night surely means the Klingon side needs to come out

 

[RoJoHen]

Man has an obsession with board games... of the Settlers of Catan, Stone Age, Ticket to Ride, Carcassonne variety.

I have never heard of any of these!

Anyway, no, I don't play to win at any cost. I just don't care that much.

 

[Sean Aaron]

SA ~ I think that's the best way. I was taught draughts and chess by my Grandad. He would never let me win but would encourage me and spend the time with me until I worked it out for myself. I appreciate him for making me a good loser, which maybe is where I'm going wrong

I expect if I was merciless she would get turned off and not want to play any more. I do get the sense that she sets internal limits because she throws it in early in backgammon when she wants to have a go after forgetting that she doesn't like it because she can't grasp the strategy rapidly - she's something of a perfectionist.

On the other hand Cosmic Encounter has a fair amount of strategy, but she likes the alien powers and planets so much that she can't help herself. I expect as she gets older it will only be more fun to play when we can start adding extra things like moons.

Back to your issue, I can't think that being a bad loser would help, but I find it hard to believe you wouldn't be telegraphing irritation in some way. You also haven't quite illustrated any "bad winner" tendencies like excessive gloating: victory dances, picking up the game and slamming it down American football-style or ritually burning the set because he feels there's no point to playing further.

If the former isn't true or he's not getting it you might try turning up the volume more by declining to play games where he's most egregious or abort before the game is finished. I suppose this could trigger a row or bad feelings in which case it all depends on how far you want to push it.

I'd hope instead you could be up front and just say outright that it's not quite as much fun having a loss rubbed in your face and that cutthroat play might be appropriate for his mates, but you'd prefer a friendly game. If he cannot reign it in with these games, try something softer or maybe a co-op game (they do exist though you might need to hunt - I've played something involving a viral outbreak which is quite fun)?

 

[Jadzia]

Yes ~ it's good it win. Yes ~ you should play your best. But surely it's not that important?

Are you a 'must win' person, or a 'that was fun' peep?

I think it's good to always try your best, and that's independent of whether your attitude to a game is friendly or competitive. The difference between these two attitudes is quite subtle and is to do with focus more than anything else.

In competitive play, your mind is serious and focused on the game, and you see your opponent as nothing more than a piece on the board. A competitive opponent will make it seem like there's a wall between you, almost like a sort of detachment.

In friendly play, your mind is focused on enjoying your company and playing the game together. A friendly opponent will tend to be chatty and lighthearted.

For myself, I do try my best, and I like to win, but I always play friendly.


You can always use your losses in an argument against Man, by saying this:


"It mustn't be much of a victory for you to win against someone as terrible at this game as I am ... But if you teach me how to play better, I'll be a more worthy opponent, and then your victories will start to mean something. "

 

[DarthTom]

In my defence this is a thread about your 'need to win' rather than games which is why it is here and not in gaming.

No offense, K'Ehelyr but people like you I simply cannot enjoy playing and/or often doing anything with. In your over eagerness to win I've found that people like you are absolutely impossible to play 1:1 with and/or especially play as a pair.

Cards games especially for me is when you spoil the fun because what should be a simple game and a fun activity becomes the desire to win at all costs. Often such people start to get upset with simple errors in executing the game - become agitated or irritated with a playing partner and your over zealousness to win make the entire experience for me so insanely competitive that it is no longer fund.

I'm not saying necessarily you exhibit all these behaviors but the people that I've played games with that become overly fixated on winning - make the experience no fun for me.

 

[Mr. Laser Beam]

I always play to win. It would be an insult to my opponent if I did not.

The objective of all games is to win. As long as it's legit, I see no reason not to.

 

[K'Ehleyr]

Man has an obsession with board games... of the Settlers of Catan, Stone Age, Ticket to Ride, Carcassonne variety.

I have never heard of any of these

Anyway, no, I don't play to win at any cost. I just don't care that much.

You, my friend, are very lucky to have not have heard of them and luckier still to not have to play them.

SA ~ I think that's the best way. I was taught draughts and chess by my Grandad. He would never let me win but would encourage me and spend the time with me until I worked it out for myself. I appreciate him for making me a good loser, which maybe is where I'm going wrong

I expect if I was merciless she would get turned off and not want to play any more. I do get the sense that she sets internal limits because she throws it in early in backgammon when she wants to have a go after forgetting that she doesn't like it because she can't grasp the strategy rapidly - she's something of a perfectionist.

On the other hand Cosmic Encounter has a fair amount of strategy, but she likes the alien powers and planets so much that she can't help herself. I expect as she gets older it will only be more fun to play when we can start adding extra things like moons.

Back to your issue, I can't think that being a bad loser would help, but I find it hard to believe you wouldn't be telegraphing irritation in some way. You also haven't quite illustrated any "bad winner" tendencies like excessive gloating: victory dances, picking up the game and slamming it down American football-style or ritually burning the set because he feels there's no point to playing further.

If the former isn't true or he's not getting it you might try turning up the volume more by declining to play games where he's most egregious or abort before the game is finished. I suppose this could trigger a row or bad feelings in which case it all depends on how far you want to push it.

I'd hope instead you could be up front and just say outright that it's not quite as much fun having a loss rubbed in your face and that cutthroat play might be appropriate for his mates, but you'd prefer a friendly game. If he cannot reign it in with these games, try something softer or maybe a co-op game (they do exist though you might need to hunt - I've played something involving a viral outbreak which is quite fun)?

The best thing is that you play games with your daughter.

Slightly off subject but I read an article about households that don't have books. Googled it and it's 42% of US houses that have no books. How do they expect children to learn? Here in the Uk, (can't find the figures) but it's too many!

Oh and I'm a good loser, but a bad winner! I do gloat and do have a victory dance. But then I do always shake hands afterwards

There is something about how your brain works ~ whether you are a stratigic thinker, logical etc... I'm more of a 'go for it' gambler, which works in poker but not in these games.

But I'd rather spend time with Man sitting face to face over the table and playing together, than on the machine or watching tele.

So although this is a bit of a winge, it is also asking how others look upon playing games and what you do for others.

I'm still going to carry on playing. It doesn't cause major bad feeling and as I usually initiate it, as much as I'd love to throw the board at him, I'm too much of a lady to do so

Yes ~ it's good it win. Yes ~ you should play your best. But surely it's not that important?

Are you a 'must win' person, or a 'that was fun' peep?

I think it's good to always try your best, and that's independent of whether your attitude to a game is friendly or competitive. The difference between these two attitudes is quite subtle and is to do with focus more than anything else.

In competitive play, your mind is serious and focused on the game, and you see your opponent as nothing more than a piece on the board. A competitive opponent will make it seem like there's a wall between you, almost like a sort of detachment.

In friendly play, your mind is focused on enjoying your company and playing the game together. A friendly opponent will tend to be chatty and lighthearted.

For myself, I do try my best, and I like to win, but I always play friendly.

Jadzia ~ that is the definition. Man would truly love an organised 'games evening' with detached competitive opponents, but he only has me.

I know I don't have to play, but *and thinking about this...* I just don't want him to think that I'm thick and I'm stubborn enough to keep on trying.
Maybe I should just find a gaming group for him!

 

[K'Ehleyr]

In my defence this is a thread about your 'need to win' rather than games which is why it is here and not in gaming.

No offense, K'Ehelyr but people like you I simply cannot enjoy playing and/or often doing anything with. In your over eagerness to win I've found that people like you are absolutely impossible to play 1:1 with and/or especially play as a pair.

Cards games especially for me is when you spoil the fun because what should be a simple game and a fun activity becomes the desire to win at all costs. Often such people start to get upset with simple errors in executing the game - become agitated or irritated with a playing partner and your over zealousness to win make the entire experience for me so insanely competitive that it is no longer fund.

I'm not saying necessarily you exhibit all these behaviors but the people that I've played games with that become overly fixated on winning - make the experience no fun for me.

Daft Tom ~ please refer to my OP and you will find that I am the person that does not play to win at any cost and prefers a games evening to be entertainment and a social time rather than a competitive event.

 

[sojourner]

I like to keep the game light and friendly, but at the same time I view conversation as a chance to influence my opponent.

 

[Kestra]

I cheat a little bit. But in obvious ways. Actually, I like everyone to have fun so if someone is doing poorly I'm of the "Give them an extra turn!" type. It's nice to win, but only because it so rarely happens!

 

[thestrangequark]

The only game I ever really play is Scrabble. I am not a particularly competitive person -- I play for love of the game. Then again, I don't need to be competitive when it comes to Scrabble, because I always win.

 

[auntiehill]

Man has an obsession with board games... of the Settlers of Catan, Stone Age, Ticket to Ride, Carcassonne variety.

^Hubby and his pals think these types of games are "too easy" and not challenging enough.

We own Settlers (the 6 player expansion), Carcassone (with all the bloody expansions), as well as Power Grid, Race for the Galaxy, Pillars of the Earth, Pandemic, Agricola, BSG, San Juan, etc, etc. At a recent party, we played board and Wii games for over 12 straight hours.

I am somewhere in the middle of "casual" and "super-competitive." I love to strategize and plot, but I also just like to play a good game. Hubby is very good about explaining---sometimes OVER explaining, to the point where everyone is about to fall asleep. He'll even help people out when they are learning.

But I am surrounded by hard-core board-game-geeks. I feel your pain. The sad part is, I'm not too far off from being one myself. I am very competitive, but not to the point where I would withhold rules or let people make mistakes. That is rather a dick move, don't you think? I'll usually say something like "Are you SURE you want to do that?"

I can totally kick ass at Carcasonne, San Juan, Citadels, Princes of Florence and Bohnanza (the bean game).

 

[Zulu Romeo]

In my younger and brasher days, I was always competitive in whatever games I played with others, and sought to win at all costs. Nowadays, I still try to be competitive, but I actually find great pleasure in challenging others in a game and hoping they rise to the challenge appropriately, and in the process challenging me - the pleasure gained from this outweighs any gained from winning (although it's still good to win).

That said, I don't play many games with others anymore.

 

[Goliath]

Cosmic Encounter (Mayfair edition; absolutely worth tracking down)

Great game!

Except for the Virus. We always played without the Virus. What were they thinking?

 

[Jadzia]

That said, I don't play many games with others anymore.

Some games could probably be played in a thread here if you wanted to. I'm sure many board members would enjoy something like that.

Turn based games that don't involve randomness (dice / shuffled cards) can be described easily, like chess. For games that involve dice, I can think of a few ways of improvising.

 

[Zulu Romeo]

That said, I don't play many games with others anymore.

Some games could probably be played in a thread here if you wanted to. I'm sure many board members would enjoy something like that.

Turn based games that don't involve randomness (dice / shuffled cards) can be described easily, like chess. For games that involve dice, I can think of a few ways of improvising.

I've always wanted to adapt the radio parlour game Just A Minute for the BBS. Granted, there are some technical difficulties in doing so, but... a man can dream.

Thinking about it further... it could work in a chat format whereby near-instant communications are involved, such as Instant Messaging programs or Facebook's chat facility, perhaps. Let me think about it even more...

 

[Sean Aaron]

Great game!

Except for the Virus. We always played without the Virus. What were they thinking?

Well, Virus isn't bad depending on how many players you have. That's when you need to gang up on people and force them out!

I had the original game and all expansions bar the initial Flare expansion (for shame!). The Mayfair edition was awesome. Collated all the rules and harmonised them and no gluing the special planet hexes on to the back of regular ones. Kind of annoying they did it in two bits, but that's better than the 11 or so expansions of the original. I also picked up Simply Cosmic, so in theory I could have a twelve player game (including Shark and Zero). It's recently been re-released and it's really poor; looks like goddam Pokemon!