Best way to get over first breakup?

[Star Treks]

So I just broke up with my girlfriend of 4 months. No biggie, 4 months, right? Well, it is to me. Even at 26 I've never had much in the terms of a gf or a long term relationship, and this is a first for me.

It ended amiably enough, and with the standard promise to remain friends. Still, for the first time in several years, I'm pretty damned depressed.

Any thoughts or ideas on the best way to get over a relationship that really meant something to me? And I would appreciate something more constructive than 'go get laid'.

Thanks for any input.

 

[Kestra]

Well I'm not sure what your specific situation is like, but in my experience there are only two things that help in getting over someone you once cared for a lot.

Time, and finding someone else to care about.

Sorry, that's all I have. Hope you get through things okay!

 

[FPAlpha]

Sad love songs, sitting around all day staring at a point in the room, posting on Trekbbs.. for some getting drunk (not advisable).

There's nothing constructive you can do right now.. give it time and it will get better. You'll have setbacks when you see something reminding you of her but over time they will get less.

Some are taking the proactive tour.. going out with friends on a party spree, doing something active (work, sports, hobbies) to take off the mind off her.

There's no general rule what works but giving it time.

 

[The Boy Who Cried Worf]

Well I'm hardly an expert in this kind of thing, but in my opinion there is nothing to really "get over". Your relationship meant something to you and the loss of it is something you will mourn for awhile. That's perfectly okay. I don't think you have to feel sad about feeling sad because of it. Try and learn from the relationship and what went wrong to make you a better person. Remember that any happiness you got from the relationship is just as true as any sadness you got from it. Realize you'll feel sad for awhile, but it will go away. Try and date again when you feel ready, but don't think you have to rush. Most of all don't make it something bigger than it needs to be. Just accept it for what it was.

 

[Hermiod]

Listen to Country music. The music of pain.

 

[Shaw]

In my experience... never.

Of course it is most likely different for everyone. And in my case it was after 13 years and had started when I was 16 (so I could scarcely recall life before her).

I do recall reading that it takes one and a half times the length of the relationship to get over it... so I might only have another six years or so left before I get past it.

Anyways, my condolences on your loss.

 

[JonathonWally]

It ended amiably enough, and with the standard promise to remain friends.

Ya, not gonna happen. Maybe months or years down the line, but not anytime soon. You guys just broke up, why would you want to be around her anyway? So you can torture yourself over the fact that your no longer close to her?

If she calls you up to hang out casually, find an excuse not too. I'm not saying blow her off or completely ignore her. But make plans with other people.

Go put on your nice clothes, get a haircut, make yourself look good. It will help with feeling good. Then go out to a place where you can meet new girls. Don't go jumping right into another relationship, that's not gonna work.

I'm not saying "go get laid" but I am saying, go experience different girls.

Girls are wonderful, they're all different, for all you know you may meet some random chick who makes you realize you like something completely different in a girl/relationship.

 

[trekkiebaggio]

I find that I usually spend a couple of days just letting the melancholy wash over me, feeling sad because there's no use trying to ignore it, I think it's best jsut to face it and deal with it head on. And then it's important to keep busy, and hang out with friends. And don't torture yourself by continually looking at her Facebook page or whatever.

And also it's important to remember why you broke up, because in moments of loneliness it'll be tempting to want to call her up and suggest to give it another go.

 

[Tiberius Jim]

The best way to get over the last one is the next one, IMO. After a brief period of being emo and all that, of course, and not just a meaningless one night stand. But it really is a time to take that whole "more fish in the sea" thing to heart.

 

[TheGodBen]

You're feeling depressed for a reason, the best thing to do is to embrace it and allow it to run its course. It's like how a physical wound needs to be left to scab over, if you pick at it will just take longer to heal itself. In a month or two you'll be ready to move on and you'll finally be able to understand all those songs about heartbreak.

 

[Cakes488]

So I just broke up with my girlfriend of 4 months. No biggie, 4 months, right? Well, it is to me. Even at 26 I've never had much in the terms of a gf or a long term relationship, and this is a first for me.

It ended amiably enough, and with the standard promise to remain friends. Still, for the first time in several years, I'm pretty damned depressed.

Any thoughts or ideas on the best way to get over a relationship that really meant something to me? And I would appreciate something more constructive than 'go get laid'.

Thanks for any input.

As far as advise and the romance department....remember that whatever advise I give....just do the opposite and you'll be alright.

 

[Star Treks]

I have to say that I really appreciate the serious and useful responses you've all given. Thank you all so much for taking my question seriously and giving real answers.

I know I'll be fine, especially if I take the advice given here to heart. There's just a part of me that has trouble believing I'll feel similarly about anyone again, considering it took 25 years for me to meet someone I was this comfortable around. Ah well.

 

[Kirby]

You'll be ok Star Treks no matter what you do now, time will eventually be the thing that resolves it. I had a girlfriend in college (back in 1990 - the dark ages) and it just completely tore me apart when we broke up. I spent a year in hell trying to get over her. I spent a lot of time alone, a lot of time with friends, and too much time drinking. None of it 'cured' my grief, but shortly after the 1 year anniversary of the break up, I just felt like I needed to move on and I did. One day you'll just feel like moving on, the question is when will that day be and what do you do in the meantime? For now, just do what make you feel good.

 

[Chekov's Phaser]

I know it's cliched and not much help in the present, but time really does heal most wounds. You can then move on to the next girl.

Oh and I agree with what others have said. The whole "stay friends" thing rarely works out. She's is now your past. When you are ready find someone who will be your future.

 

[TheLonelySquire]

So I just broke up with my girlfriend of 4 months. No biggie, 4 months, right? Well, it is to me. Even at 26 I've never had much in the terms of a gf or a long term relationship, and this is a first for me.

It ended amiably enough, and with the standard promise to remain friends. Still, for the first time in several years, I'm pretty damned depressed.

Any thoughts or ideas on the best way to get over a relationship that really meant something to me? And I would appreciate something more constructive than 'go get laid'.

Thanks for any input.

Live "No Quarter".

 

[The Boy Who Cried Worf]

I have to say that I really appreciate the serious and useful responses you've all given. Thank you all so much for taking my question seriously and giving real answers.

I know I'll be fine, especially if I take the advice given here to heart. There's just a part of me that has trouble believing I'll feel similarly about anyone again, considering it took 25 years for me to meet someone I was this comfortable around. Ah well.

That reminds me of what Guinan said to Wesley when he said he would never feel this way again. It's probably true, every relationship will feel a little different.

 

[FrontLine]

Hookers and blow. Who says money cant buy happiness?

 

[K'Ehleyr]

That reminds me of what Guinan said to Wesley when he said he would never feel this way again. It's probably true, every relationship will feel a little different.

Absolutely correct.

Star Treks, it won't ever feel the same again, especially as it was your first relationship. But there will be others and they will be different and probably better.

What has helped me in the past, is putting aside a day to mull over the relationship. Decide that day will be your last to think about it and go think ~ on your own.

Personally I went to a place *we* had been to and re-claimed it my own.
I then went out and got drunk on whiskey (I hate whiskey) and got talking to so many new people I reclaimed myself and realise how different I had been with him.

It is going to hurt honey, but not for long.
My personal 'recovery time' is set at:
1 week for every month,
1 month for every year,
and I don't have anything after that.

But at least you have still got us

 

[Cakes488]

Hookers and blow. Who says money cant buy happiness?

I think this right here....is probably you're best bet to forget.

 

[hellsgate]

I agree with FRONTLINE about the hookers (not the blow,) especially after reading about the sexually-frustrated freak that shot-up a health club (or whatever it was,) full of women before turning the gun on himself. Plus, that blog of his that got taken down. I've had my share of cringe-worthy moments I'll admit but sex workers have helped me to resume feeling like my old self again after everyone else counted me out & moved on, had kids with them, married, etc.

Activities are great, too. Hobbies like fan fiction and RPG's helped somewhat to distract me.

I suggest you backpack through Europe or whatever kind of travel offers you distance, impartiality when it comes to new women on the horizon that haven't been already brought up to speed on your past irritating moments of weakness by your ex....(on in my case,) an older sister. You need mystery and adventure at this point.

Reinvent yourself. Sleep in. Take ten times longer in the bath/shower. Live well. Treat yourself right.