Best Put-Downs!

Discussion in 'General Trek Discussion' started by Red Ranger, Nov 2, 2008.

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  1. Red Ranger

    Red Ranger Admiral In Memoriam

    May 20, 2005
    New York City, the greatest city in the world!

    Throughout all the ST series, many putdowns have been uttered against characters. The most famous are of course Spock's insults to McCoy, and Odo's insults to Quark.

    This thread is very simple: Post some of your favorite put-downs, zingers, and bon mots that make you smile, giggle, or guffaw.

    I'll start with a few choice ones:

    Korax to Scotty, The Trouble With Tribbles, TOS, after comparing the Enterprise to a garbage scow: "I didn't mean to say that the Enterprise should be hauling garbage -- I meant to say it should be hauled away AS GARBAGE!"

    Proconsul to Merrick, Bread & Circuses, TOS, as he's trying to speak with Kirk, man to man: "Would you leave us, Merrickus? The thoughts of one man to another cannot possibly interest you!"

    Picard & Ardra, Devil's Due, TNG, as she tries to seduce Picard:

    ARDRA: Don't you find me alluring, Picard?
    PICARD: On the contrary. I find you obvious and vulgar.

    Q to Picard, . . . All Good Things, TNG, as Judge: "You obtuse piece of flotsam! You're to be denied existence! Humanity's fate is sealed, you will be destroyed!"

    And there's a good one from Garak to Dukat, DSN, but I don't remember the ep, commenting on his daughter, Ziyal: "You do have a lovely daughter. She must take after her mother!"

    OK, now go nuts!

    Red Ranger
  2. Markas

    Markas Captain Captain

    Nov 3, 2008
    Firmly ensconsed in my red bucket
    It seems auspicious to make my very first post in an insult thread. ;)

    "Eaten any good books lately?" Q to Worf in "Deja Q"

    "Your first command together was less than successful. You are all dead" Tuvok in "Learning Curve"

    "You're suffering from a Vulcan Mind Meld, Doctor." "That green-blooded Son of a Bitch. It's his revenge for all those arguments he lost to me." Kirk and McCoy in "Star Trek III - The Search for Spock"
  3. M'Sharak

    M'Sharak Definitely Herbert. Maybe. Moderator

    Aug 22, 2002
    Terra Inlandia
    A whole flurry of them in this scene, including one of my favorites:
    PICARD: Return that moon to its orbit.
    Q: I have no powers. Q the ordinary.
    PICARD: Q the liar. Q the misanthrope.
    Q: Q the miserable. Q the desperate. What must I do to convince you people?
    WORF: Die.
    Q: Oh, very clever, Worf. Eat any good books lately?
    PICARD: Fine. You want to be treated as a human?
    Q: Absolutely.
    PICARD: All right. Mister Worf, throw him in the brig.
    WORF: Delighted, Captain.
    Q: You can't do this to me, Jean-Luc.
    WORF: You will walk or I will carry you.
    Q: Given the option, I'll walk. You've disappointed me, Jean-Luc. I'm very disappointed. Hey, I'm claustrophobic, I don't like it in here. ​
    Also from "Déjà Q" - a different sort of put-down:
    GUINAN: I hear they drummed you out of the Continuum.
    Q: I like to think of it as a significant career change.
    GUINAN: Just one of the boys, ay?
    Q: One of the boys with an IQ of two thousand and five.
    DATA: The Captain and many of the crew are not yet convinced he is truly human.
    GUINAN: Really?
    (So she picks up a fork and stabs it into Q's hand)
    Q: Argh!
    GUINAN: Seems human enough to me. ​
  4. Cyke101

    Cyke101 Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

    Feb 11, 2007
    The classic Vreenak Vs. Sisko exchange:

    Vreenak: So you're the commander of Deep Space 9. And the Emissary to the Prophets. Decorated combat officer, widower, father, mentor... and oh yes, the man who started the war with the Dominion. Somehow I thought you'd be taller.
    Sisko: Sorry to disappoint you.
    Vreenak: To be honest, my opinion of Starfleet officers is so low, you'd have to work very hard indeed to disappoint me.

    That Vreenak's a smooth mo-fo.
  5. Red Ranger

    Red Ranger Admiral In Memoriam

    May 20, 2005
    New York City, the greatest city in the world!
    Good ones, people! Here's one of my favorite Sisko put-downs, and I think he said it to Weyoun, although I'll be damned if I remember the ep: "I don't like the Dominion, I don't like what it stands for, and I don't like you. So let's skip the pleasantries and stick to business." -- RR
  6. MrsPicard

    MrsPicard Commander Red Shirt

    Aug 10, 2005
    "You wanted me to say I need you... I - NEED - YOU!" (Jean-Luc to Q, "Q Who?")

    "Crusher gets more shrill with each passing year." (Q, "True Q")

    "Because, in all the universe, you're the closest thing I have to a friend, Jean-Luc." (Q, "Deja Q")
  7. kissthestar

    kissthestar Captain Captain

    Jul 1, 2008
    K'ehleyr to Worf: Not even a bite on the cheek for old time's sake?
  8. jongredic

    jongredic Fleet Captain Fleet Captain

    Jul 10, 2008
    From Enterprise's "Singularity" when Trip finds out how long the preface is for the biography on Henry Archer:

    Archer: What do you think?
    Trip: Sounds good.
    Archer: Let me read you the rest.
    Trip: I really need to get to work on this...
    Archer: It's just a few more pages...
    Trip: How many more?
    Archer: Nineteen.
    Trip: NINE-TEEN?! Are you writing the preface or the book?!
    Archer: I have a lot to say!
    Trip: No kiddin'!
    Archer: What's that supposed to mean?
    Trip: If I may sir... it's a little long-whinded
    Archer: You're lucky you're a decent engineer, because you obviously don't know ANYTHING about writing!


    Weyoun 7 walks in after Worf destroys Weyoun 6

    Damar: Well, hello! (laughs)
    Weyoun: I'm glad to see you find the death of my predecessor so amusing...
    Damar: Oh, you misjudge me. I miss him deeply. Here (grabs kanar) let's drink to Weyoun 7!
    Weyoun: When will the prisoners be executed?
    Damar:When the trial is completed. Legal protocol must be observed.
    Weyoun: When?
    Damar: The execution is scheduled for tomorrow afternoon, 1400 hours.
    Weyoun: Have they signed the confessions?
    Damar: No....maybe you should talk to Worf again... (starts laughing again)
    Last edited: Nov 3, 2008
  9. Dayton Ward

    Dayton Ward Word Pusher Rear Admiral

    May 22, 2000
    From "Tapestry" (TNG):

    Picard: Q, what is going on?
    Q: I told you. You're dead. This is the afterlife and I'm God.


    Picard: No, I am not dead, because I refuse to believe that the afterlife is run by you. The universe is not so badly designed.

  10. John Picard

    John Picard Vice Admiral Admiral

    I thought Q said that to Picard in Encounter at Farpoint? :confused:
  11. Markas

    Markas Captain Captain

    Nov 3, 2008
    Firmly ensconsed in my red bucket
    "We need breathing room!"
    "Earth. Hitler. 1938" General Chang and Kirk - Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country
  12. Whoa Nellie

    Whoa Nellie Fleet Captain Fleet Captain

    Jun 13, 2005
    Three of my all time favorite Kirk put-downs come from Trouble with Tribbles:

    Kirk (to Baris): "I have never questioned the orders or the intelligence of any representative of the Federation…until now."

    Baris: "In my opinion, you have taken this entire, very important project far too lightly."
    Kirk: "On the contrary, sir, I think of this project as very important. It is you I take lightly."

    Baris: "Kirk I will hold you responsible for this."
    Kirk: "Mr Baris I'll hold you in irons if you don't shut up."


    Some of my favorites from Picard:

    In the episode The Wounded:
    Picard: "Take this message to your leaders, Gul Macet: we'll be watching."

    In the episode The Defector:
    Picard: "What shall it be, Tomalak?"
    Tomalak: "You will still not survive our assault."
    Picard: "And you will not survive ours, shall we die together?"

    Both of these were just cool. :cool:

    In the episode In Theory, this is just a good zinger.
    Picard: "I'd be delighted to offer any advice I have on understanding women. When I have some, I'll let you know."

    In Captain's holiday, it was Picard on the receiving end of the zingers.

    Picard: "You'll remain here. It's safer."
    Vash: "Is that an order?"
    Picard: "Absolutely."
    Vash: "This isn't a starship, Jean-Luc. I don't follow orders."

    Picard: "From the moment I met you, I knew you were going to be trouble."
    Vash: "You look like a man who can handle trouble."

    :lol: :cool:

    Warmest Wishes,
    Whoa Nellie
  13. Marie1

    Marie1 Rear Admiral Rear Admiral

    Sep 16, 2008
    Alpha Centauri

    LOL!!!! I'm going to have to watch some TNG... you've just convinced me. :bolian:
  14. Markas

    Markas Captain Captain

    Nov 3, 2008
    Firmly ensconsed in my red bucket
    From STVI: The Undiscovered Country

    "I am constant as the Northern Star." Chang
    "I'd give real money if he'd shut up." Mccoy to Spock

    "If I were human, I believe the correct response would be 'Go to Hell'" Spock


    "Rom's an idiot. He couldn't fix a straw if it was bent." Odo (Babel)

    "Nothing makes them happy! They are dedicated to being unhappy, and to spreading that unhappiness to others! They are the Ambassadors of Unhappy!" Bashir (The Forsaken)
  15. Dr. San Guinary

    Dr. San Guinary Fleet Admiral Admiral

    May 10, 2005
    Mr. Laser Beam is in the visitor's bullpen
    No, it was AGT.
  16. John Picard

    John Picard Vice Admiral Admiral

    Hmm. There was a similar exchange in Encounter at Farpoint where Picard asked if they (humanity) was going to be denied space travel. Q's response was that they would be denied existence.

    Oh well..... Onward.
  17. Dayton Ward

    Dayton Ward Word Pusher Rear Admiral

    May 22, 2000
    He was describing about 65% of the people who post to this site. ;)
  18. Red Ranger

    Red Ranger Admiral In Memoriam

    May 20, 2005
    New York City, the greatest city in the world!
    Markas: I love that line! I had forgotten the ep, so thanks for posting. I also like the exchange Bashir and Sisko had, where Sisko tells him that these are the kind of crap assignments junior officers get! Bashir asks that's the reason, I have to just endure this assignment? And Sisko smiles, "Exactly!" -- RR
  19. Damask

    Damask Commander Red Shirt

    Dec 26, 2007

    "Then I'll make it simple. A few days ago I swore all Cardassia lost would be regained. That space station you're so fond of was built by Cardassia."

    "Funny. I thought it was built by Bajoran slave labor."

    And you'll have one. But I want to know why such a
    security breach was allowed to occur in the first place.

    Unfortunately, these things happen.

    They did not happen on the Enterprise.


    Let's see. Stardate 46235.7,Ferengi privateers led by Daimon
    Lurin boarded and seized control of the Enterprise using two
    salvaged Klingon birds of prey. Stardate 45349.1 Berlinghoff
    Rasmussen, a petty criminal impersonating a scientist,
    committed numerous acts of theft against the crew of the
    Enterprise. Shall I continue?

    That will not be necessary.

    Bashir: There's no cure for the Blight. The Dominion made sure of that. And I was so arrogant, I thought I could cure it in a week.
    Jadzia: Maybe it was arrogant to think that. But it's even more arrogant to think that there isn't a cure because you couldn't find it.
  20. John Picard

    John Picard Vice Admiral Admiral

    When Q turned Dr Crusher into an Irish Setter. I laughed hysterically. She was jibber-jabbering away and *ZING* there's an Irish Setter barking furiously :lol:
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